Finding You (Dublin Sisters #1)

Chapter 9

Ramlah

"Baba can I please speak with you?" I nervously asked, bracing myself for a bashing. I was in my parent's bedroom the next morning after the uncle had asked for my hand. Baba had asked him time to give his response to the matter. At the moment, Baba was getting ready to go to work. He was brushing his hair and inattentively answered "yes what is it?"

Biting my lip and fidgeting with my hands I, noncommittally murmured, "Baba I don't want to get married." He stilled in the act of running the brush his black hair which was greying with age.

He turned around slowly and moved to the bed. He perched on the bed, patting the space beside as a gesture for me to sit beside him. He wasn't angry so this was a good sign. Dreading, I forwarded and gingerly sat beside him. He was staring ahead as if in deep thought.

"Ramlah I haven't been the best father, have I?" he enquired without blinking his eyes or turning his face.

I didn't know what to say, "ummm..."

"You don't have to answer that. I know in the last few years I have been unreasonable with you, your sisters and mother. The reality of me failing brought out the monster in me." he continued to speak as if I was not in the room.

"I have been rude and even hit you and believe me child every night I have regretted."

I took a deep breath. Baba had never spoken to me like this. I stayed motionless waiting for him to say more.

"I have been desperate Ramlah for this money. I have tried every possible way. Even going the haram way asking loan with interest." He dropped his head in hands in shame. "But even that was not approved. I saw a ray of light when I approached Arshad Sahab. He was my last resort." I heard his muffled voice through his hands.

Abruptly, he lifted his hand and our eyes locked. His were filled with penitence tears. I was shocked, never had I seen Baba so broken.

"Do this beti. Do this for your father, for your sisters and for this household."

My breath hitched.

He must have seen my reaction and swiftly looked away, "I know you have dreams. Maybe" he gulped trying to speak, "maybe Fahd is your dream."

"Beti, I have never requested anything as dire as this from you before. And I promise I never will ask you anything." He pleaded hoarsely.

My eyes welled, I saw my dreams being shattered in front of me I mumbled, "Let me please think about it".

He remorsefully smiled and put an arm around my shoulders bringing me close to him. He kissed my head as I rested on his shoulder. My tears trickled down my cheeks onto his shirt. I felt my hair being wet when I realized he was crying with me.

****

That night I was awake looking out the living room window to the bleak scene in front of me. The still road in the dark night perfectly contrasted with my inner turmoil. I had yet to give an answer to my father. I had started praying istekhara salah since the evening. I don't know why I didn't feel right about this. I wanted to help but I wasn't able to give my affirmation.It wasn't that I was to marry a stranger was bothering me but there was something troubling about this proposal.

What surprised me the most is that Baba had not pushed me, abused me or anything else. This was scaring me the most. What if I don't help then he would really break down. That was why I was more inclined in agreeing. Had he been forcing me into this I would have acted stubborn. Instead, I saw an opposite man pleading in front of me. He had never been this gentle with me. Perhaps, when I was a child. He had neither been this compassionate. This morning when he hugged me I felt like a little girl who would sit on his lap showing off my minor scrapes on my knees and elbows to which he would comfort me affectionately. I wanted to help; I really did. But there was something stopping me to plunge into the final decision.