Say you love me

Part 34

Thank god for Mary Testerman, Chris thought to herself as she left her neighbor's house. She'd just dropped Pearl off to spend the night with Alicia and of course Mary invited her in for coffee. She was hospitable like that, if Alicia came over to Chris's she always sent a pie or, if Chris was lucky, some of her homemade apple strudel that Chris couldn't get enough of. Normally, Christine was happy to drink coffee and chat with Mary, it reminded her of the old days with Mick's girlfriend Jenny. But today she gulped down her coffee and was out the door before Mary had even poured hers. Too bad too, because Mary was an avid gossip and had the latest about Charlotte Fulmann down the street, who popped Valiums like they were candy.

John was coming for dinner tonight, and they'd finally gave to confront all the shit from the last three years. They had alot to talk about. Chris nervously ran through all the possible scenarios in her head as she showered and washed her hair, trying to use the shampoo to scrub the ugly thoughts from her head. She stayed in the shower too long, until the hot water turned her skin red and burned.

"...aaand congratulations Mrs. Mcvie! You have a beautiful baby girl!" The doctor proclaimed as he held up a tiny, screaming pink baby. She was cleaned up and handed to Chris, and she'd never seen anything more beautiful. My baby, Chris thought. My sweet, darling daughter. The baby slept peacefully in her arms and cooed as she dreamed. Chris smiled as she said to the nurse, "I want to name her Pearl. Pearl Beatrice Mcvie."
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John hesitated as he stood in front of the door. Was this all a mistake? Did he truly have any right to be in Christine's life again, let alone his daughter's? He hesistated, heart pounding, then knocked on the door.

John twisted his wedding band around his finger as he glanced at the clock. Midnight, June fourth. The day he and Christine got married. He found it hard to believe he'd lived an entire year without her, and this wasn't just a dream. But he had proof, he had proof in the letters.

The door breezed open, followed by Christine. She looked every bit as beautiful as ever; her gleaming blonde hair was shining around her shoulders, she was wearing a dark pink knit dress that stopped above her knees with buttons on the front, and her blue eyes radiated almost as much as her face. She smiled awkwardly, then held the door open wider. "Hi, stranger," she said as John came in the door.
"Hi yourself," John replied in earnest. They stood there for a minute, tense and nervous, before Christine suggested they finally eat dinner.

The kitchen was small, just them alone was a crowd. The table was already set, two plates of steaming pasta sitting across from each other. "Remember when you put pasta on the stove and we left it there until it burned?" Chris asked, looking at the table. John turned his head, surprised she remembered that.

What Chris remembered was the time that she was making pasta, same recipe as now, and she and John ended up making love for so long the pasta burned and set off the smoke alarm. It wasn't very funny then, and it still wasn't very funny now, but Chris didn't know how else to break the silence.

John sat down, but Chris didn't. She had a test. She went into the fridge and pulled out a bottle of wine, the best she could find on her budget. "Do you want some wine?" She asked as she rummaged around for the wine opener. John shook his head. "Christine, I quit drinking. I thought you knew that." She opened the bottle, then said casually as possible as she poured herself a glass, "I didn't know that. How long have you quit?"
"Almost three years."
"Do you care if I have some, then? I won't shove it under your nose, I swear." Chris sat down and sipped her wine, it tasted smooth, but she could hardly get it down. He'd passed her test, how could she drink it now?

"John, stop! You're hurting me!" Chris said as she struggled against the wall. His hands were gripped tightly on her arms, burning with intense pain. "An I'll hurt you even fucking worse if you ever do that again! Don't you know how fucking humiliating it is to catch your wife with the fucking lighting director!" He dug his hands into her shoulders, making Chris scream. "We were just talking! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! "

I'm sorry. Chris tightly gripped her wine glass, almost shattering the delicate glass. She took a deep breath and said, "Alright. We need to talk. I'll tell you what you want to know, you tell me what I want to know." She hadn't touched her food, she wasn't even hungry. Hadn't been all day. John stopped fiddling with his silverware. He looked down at his lap. "Why did you send me all those letters, those pictures?"
"I wanted you to know you had a daughter, and know what she looked like if you saw her on the street. It wouldn't have been fair to keep you in the dark." Chris sipped her wine.
"I didn't deserve to know. I was a monster to you, Christine. I fucked your life up and I don't want to fuck up Pearl's. She doesn't deserve that." John looked at Chris. Christine continued, "Everything was fine until you drank so much, was I really that bad?" Tears came to her eyes, making them look like sky blue sea glass.

John took her hands tightly, making her look at him. "Chrissy, it was me! I drank so much because I was insecure, I was always so scared of losing something; the band, the house, the car, I was terrified of losing you! Then we lost our baby and everything just fell apart--" He looked away, unable to say more. When he looked up Chris saw he was crying too. She brought her hand up to stroke his face. They cried together, remembering all their losses and everything that could have been.
Rose, we named her Rose. Rose Mary Mcvie, the precious baby I'll always love.

"Did you mean it yesterday, when you said you still loved me?" Chris whispered. God, let him mean it. John nodded. "I've always loved you, Christine. I've loved you ever since the day I met you, and I haven't stopped since."

Chris smiled sadly. "Ditto."

Chris laid in her empty bed, listening to the baby monitor on the nightstand. The baby's breathing came and left in waves, reminding Chris of the ocean. It comforted her, but she wished dearly there was someone beside her.

Chris got out of her chair, and in two strides she was by John's side, kneeling down. She looked up at him, innocent but devious. Her bangs fell in her face, the scar on her forehead illuminated against her flushed complexion. "Kiss me, John."

He kissed her softly, like kissing the wings of a butterfly. Chris kissed him back equally as soft. That kiss was like a catalyst, making all of their emotions held back for three years explode. John pulled away. "Chrissy, I love you. I've missed you, and thought about you, and dreamed about you all this time," he said, as Chris touched his face.
"I've thought about you every day, I haven't dated anyone else since." Chris pecked his cheek. "Take me somewhere," she whispered in his ear, and John knew exactly what she meant.
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Chris's bedroom was stark, like she never decorated. There were the basic things; bed, nightstand with framed pictures, closet. John noticed this even while kissing Chris amorously, laying her down on her bed. She reached for him, running her hands through his hair, touching him everywhere.

"I love you, Chris," John said softly between kisses, rubbing his hands up and down her back.
"I love you, too," Chris whispered. In a swift motion, she pulled her dress over her head. Her white lacy bra was exposed and she shivered with pleasure when John took it off, kissing her stomach as he did. Chris unbuttoned John's shirt, running her hands over his chest and stomach. She kissed him while she took off his bottoms, laying her head on his chest as she did. She took off her panties and kissed him once more before laying down into the pillows.

John kissed Christine on every inch of her body, going from her feet upwards. It drove her crazy, she already wanted him so badly. It was torture when he got to her thighs, and she could've screamed the anguish she felt. "John, I can't take it anymore!" She shrieked, and sat up. "Sorry, darling, but I've wanted this so bad for a long time, and I want to love every part of you."
"Just love me now," Chris breathed as she pulled him onto her. He eagerly rolled on top of her, and together they made love like two people connecting into one.