The Alphas Secret Wolf

Chapter 24

                  (Braxton's POV)

             I look out the window of my office to see everyone outside with their families or mate. Life was so simple before I was an Alpha. Now, it's harder than it usually is because I have these Grey eyes haunting me every time I look at someone. This is ridiculous. Evangeline is of no importance to me. I couldn't careless.

                      When I was first told about mates I was happy. I wanted everything that came with having a mate. Someone to love, laugh, protect, care for, and someone to bare my pup. I was just as happy when I was told I would become Alpha.

                   Now, I just wish I was neither an Alpha or Mate. 

               The door opens and I know it's my father. His smell is always unique it's of roses and cinnamon. An odd yet satisfying smell.

               "Yes father, you can come in." I say sarcastically. There is a door for a reason. If I wanted people to just barge in I wouldn't have had a door installed.

               He doesn't say anything but I heard him sit the chair. A few minutes have gone by and he still hasn't  said anything so I turn around with a raise eyebrow expecting him to say something but he looks at me oddly.

               Guess he's going to be stubborn. I run a hand through my hair and sigh.

                  "Spit it out." I said sitting in my own chair with crossed arms.

                  "You know, when I first met your mother I was scared. Afraid that she would reject me as her mate because I wasn't good enough. I was a player, I'd been with a lot of she wolves in other packs and even human girls. So when I didn't approached her I knew I hurt her feelings. So for a whole month I was doubling my late night activities to try and forget her..."

               "Dad, I really don't want to hear about the women you've been with." I don't care how close my father and I are, there are some things I should not know and this is one of those things.

                "Let me finish Braxton. " he says getting frustrated.

                  "Continue."  I say sitting back in my chair.

                   "As I was saying. I doubled up my women every night to try and forget your mom. Yet she managed to haunt me with her brown eyes. Till finally I gave up and gave in. I decided to confront her. I knew what pack she was in. I knew how to get there and where to find her. So I went to the library and told her everything. She cried because she felt betrayed and she didn't talk to me for 3 months. Finally, I tried one last time and she finally decided to give me a chance. She almost rejected me that night. I almost lost the one person I knew was my everything. Since then, I don't ever regret my decision to give in to love. Because I had someone to love. Someone who made me feel like I was the most perfect man in this world. But most importantly she gave me a son. You. " he said

               I looked up at my father wondering why he was telling me this. Although I knew why, I just didn't understand what he wanted from me.

              "Point is?" I asked getting impatient.

              "I see the way you look at her. How your body tenses when she speaks and the distractions you use so you don't have to focus on her. How you can't look her in the eyes because you know you'll get lost in them. I know that feeling. Don't do what I did. You never know how long you'll have before she might be taken from you." And that's what angered me.

                    How dare he use my mother as an excuse to guilt me into being with someone I don't see myself with!

                   "Don't you dare use mom as an excuse as to why I should be with Evangeline! Her death is what makes me not want a mate. Look how weak you've gotten! How soft you were when you were with her, and then you go and have me! You made us targets by our enemies and rogues everywhere! She died trying to protect me and for what?! So you can fall weak, leave this pack vulnerable, and made me alpha at such a young age!? If I could, I'd choose to never be born, because I will not be weaken but some fantasy the moon goddesses have made by making mates!" I screamed slamming my hands on my desk. And standing up.

                My father did the same but he was shaking by this point.

                "A mate does not make you weak! They make you stronger! I didn't have a family so you all could be targets I had one because that's what we do when you love someone! You make more happiness by making something that is both you and the one you love. You are half me and half your mother. You are half someone I love with all my heart and if that isn't amazing I don't know what is! You speak of weakness when you have not yet been broken! I broke but I rebuild myself little by little. That is true strength! To be broken and get back up like nothing has happened. You are so content of how you feel yet you haven't thought for one second how she felt! You are breaking that young lady's heart, a young lady who is suppose to be your mate, YOUR LUNA to this pack yet you push her away! Learn your place boy. She will either be the beginning for you or the end. You choose. But you will not degrade your mothers memory by calling me weak because I loved her. She would be ashamed of how you're acting right now. She never stopped talking about how she couldn't wait for you to find your mate so you can be just as happy as her. If you stay with the mentality that you have you'll never be happy and I will not pitty you if you end up alone. " and with that he walked out of the room.

                   I threw the my chair against the wall and watched as it shattered. I was shaking and I knew my wolf needed a run. I stormed off toward my balcony door and jumped. Shredding my suit in the process. I landed on my feet and howled to the moon with so much anger.

                  Now, I couldn't stop thinking of her. What was haunting me more was the conversation her and Nate had about looking at me when she fell. The side glances she would sneak trying to look at me.

                   The conversation about her and I and our happily ever after she had with Alexander. The way her voice broke when she spoke made rider even more furious with me. He was already upset that I somewhat rejected her when she changed by leaving. But to hear her actually talk about it  upsetted him.

                  I've been ignoring her for awhile trying to keep my distance. I just can't let myself become the man I promised I'd never become. I was weak when I lost my mother. I couldn't even look at my aunt because she looks so much like her. Till this day I haven't spoken to her.

                   I've ignored every comment, conversation, stare, side glances, every time her heart beat picks up, the way she stands tall, her looks, her voice and her eyes. I've ignored everything's she's  thought I never noticed. But I did. I noticed all of them.

                 And now I know what I have to do. I'm going to keep my distance. If I can't reject her without hurting myself then I'll keep her away. No point in getting attached when you don't want to.

                  I made it to the edge of my territory and howl the loudest howl I cloud manage. It was filled with regret, yet determination. I will not have a mate. And if I kill myself in the process, so be it. I'll go down fighting. I will not be weak.
   
                 With that I turn and ran back to get ready for the ceremony tonight. It's customary for neighborhood Alphas and the council to be present.

                  I'll leave as soon as it's over. I will see this through.