Chapter 16 (Part 1)

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Dr Gardner cleared his throat. "The Avery Foundation Committee's policy has always been that no one is supposed to leak early information about its decisions. But, in light of your stellar performance you've done here at the hospital—I think you've earned the right to a little advance notice. I know how eagerly you've awaited this."

Lauren's heart began to race. Holy shit—this really was it.

"Which is why what I'm about to say is going to come as a surprise."

Lauren blinked. Surprise? That wasn't the word she wanted to hear right then.

He interlocked his fingers and leant forward on the desk, as this was something that he'd seen businessmen do on television, and felt a little aphrodisiac rush of power. "After much deliberation, the committee has decided to select another applicant for the residency."

Lauren felt as if she'd been smacked in the face. The air rushed out of her lungs. "Is this a joke?" She locked gazes with him, the briefest exchange of something Lauren didn't understand. "What happened? You said the spot was mine, you said..." The knot of emotion at the back of her throat made it difficult to speak.

"Something came up and well..." He rubbed his jaw, adjusted his glasses, and ran a hand through his hair. "The board decided to go in a different direction."

Through her surprise, it took Lauren a moment to process what Dr. Gardner was saying. A large pit was growing in her stomach because this conversation was headed in a very bad direction.

She leaned forward in her chair. "Dr. Gardner, you know I'm the best person for this job. I have so much to contribute to this particular field of research. I can't believe you're doing this to me a week before graduation," Lauren said, wincing when she heard the breathy, desperate tone of her voice. Her insides felt like they were on a constant spin cycle.

His face was impassive, but his eyes looked sad, defeated somehow. "Lauren, I can assure you that I know you are the best person for this residency. Your passion for medicine has far surpassed my expectations. But there are some things that are far beyond my control and this just happens to be one of them."

"So there's nothing I can do?" Lauren's voice cracked on the last word, and her lip trembled.

He shifted awkwardly in his chair. "I'm sorry, Lauren. The decision is final."

Lauren been torn, on the one hand she wanted to yell at Gardner, wanting to tell him what a chickenshit dickhead he was for promising her something that meant everything to her. On the other hand—cognizant of the fact that the decision had already been made and that there was absolutely nothing else she could do about it—Lauren had felt pressed to continue to exercise some professional decorum.

"Well thank you for the consideration," Lauren said while gathering herself. "I have to get back to work." She gave a forced smile. "These patients won't see themselves."

He gave her a curt nod of dismissal.

Lauren managed to maintain an expression of unconcern the entire walk back to doctor's call room. You've got to get it together. You've got to keep it together. Her plan was to not think about the self-deprecating thoughts that tried to swarm her mind. But all of her insecurities bubbled to the surface. Disappointment. Failure. Not good enough.

Her insecurities felt like a bruise that never went away. A bruise on her mind. Whenever she thought that it had healed, shit like this happened to remind her that she was not as fortunate as she would like to be. Sometimes being good enough just wasn't enough. Not for her anyways.

She pinched between her eyes. Lauren felt a headache coming on and was not in the mood to deal with anyone.

Lauren opened the call room door and blinked in surprise. Dinah stood there with a group of at least twenty people with excited expressions on their faces. The crowd let out a loud cheer when they saw her. Dinah squealed with joy before speaking. She held up a glass of non-alcoholic bubbly champagne. "I just wanted to take this moment to congratulate Lauren on all of her accomplishments. As Drake would say- she started from the bottom-"

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