Engaged [z.m.]

Chapter 35: Holding On

C H A P T E R   T H I R T Y - F I V E

Perrie

I woke up before Zayn did the next morning. I showered quickly. I changed into a t shirt and yoga pants. Zayn didn't stir as I picked up the remaining items of clothing that Zayn had discarded on the ground that I was too tired to clean up yesterday.

I walked into the kitchen and turned on the coffee machine for Zayn's morning coffee as I still drunk tea.

I went for a quick walk and returned half an hour later having successfully shopped some groceries on my return journey.

The noise of the TV echoed through the enterence and the hallway as I entered.

He was awake.

I walked straight into the kitchen, unloading the groceries. I avoided any conversation until I had stored every single one of my purchase where it should be.

I ate some greek yougurt in the kitchen. Zayn was on the phone so I avoided going into the living room. Once, I felt as if he had ended his call; I made my way towards the living room.

His eyes were fixated on the TV thus he didn't noticed me entering. His usual black coffee was poured in a white mug, sitting on the coffee table. He was still in his PJ's and t shirt from last night. His hair was ruffled and messy.

Despite his attire, he looked fantastic as always. He never had to put in any effort into his outfit or his looks, he effortlessly looked good at all times.

"Good morning" I said, seating myself on the recliner on his left side. He suddenly looked up at the interruption.

A mere second later, he fixed his eyes back on the TV whilst mumbling "Morning".

I waited for him to hopefully say something else. To my dismay, he said nothing. He proceeded to watch what he was watching, taking regular sips from his mug.

"Do you want breakfast?" I broke the silence.

He turned his head in my direction. "Not really, thanks"

I sighed. As always my attemtps continued to fail consequently acting like a slap on my face. Sometimes I wondered why I didn't leave him the way he was, to hopefully come out and pull us out of this succumbing hole that our relationship was falling into.

I never stopped. I always pushed myself to talk to him after he came back from work. I always cleaned up his mess. I fixed him coffee. I waited for him after parties, eventually falling asleep because of how long I stayed up waiting for him. I asked him for lunch, break fast, dinner.

Hoping he'll eventually say yes. Maybe he'll get up make us breakfast like he used to. Maybe he'll come home early and tell me he missed me. Maybe he'll bring out some white wine and ask me if I want to help him finish it.

I was getting tired of waiting. Everyday was the exact same.

It was an endless cycle.

And it was draining me day by day.

I pushed through every single day. I put up with everything every single day. In respect of all our great memories, of all the love we shared. I did it for us. I was hopeful one day things would go back to normal.

I wanted to go to bed and I wanted things to transform over night.

I wanted Zayn back.

I wanted to wake up the next morning to his body enveloping mine. I wanted to wake up to a mess free room, one where I didn't have to daily sort out through the heaps of clothes he left on the floor. I wanted to wake up next to Zayn even on weekdays where he hadn't already left hours prior.