The Raven Girl

The Raven Girl - chapter 48

The ravens had left me in the gardens alone. Morgan had gone with them. The freezing air biting against my cheeks was the only reminder that I was still alive. Inside I was dead. Completely and utterly dead. No one could help me now. I was beyond help. My brother had Morgan and he would kill her if I did not comply with his demands. Morgan is as dear to me as Dante is…but could I leave Dante?

‘He has forgotten you.’ A little voice inside my head taunted.

“Yes, he has forgotten me.” I whispered miserably to myself.

Dante didn’t remember me so maybe it wouldn’t hurt him as much as it would kill me in. So in a way only one of us would suffer a broken heart. Dante will continue on without me never knowing the love we once shared. Maybe this was the dragon’s parting gift. Maybe the dragon knew all along that our love affair was doomed. This was almost an act of kindness on her part. Dante would forget me and move on…

A strangled sob escaped from my lips and I clenched my stomach.

“No, no, no…” I muttered hopelessly.

This couldn’t be happening. This couldn’t be real.  I didn’t know which was more horrifying- marrying my own brother or living without Dante. My heart was already breaking at the prospect of walking back into that castle and telling Dante that we were through. I imagined that Dante would be delighted by my request, he happily hand me the divorce papers that he tried to force me to sign yesterday, and with one quick scribble my fate would be sealed.

The simplicity of the situation was insulting. There were physical obstacles to overcome, only great giant emotional mountains that I knew would leave me a shell of the girl I once was. There was no doubt in my mind the girl Edvard was going to marry would not be the same girl Dante had married. No love, no life, no spirit- I would be nothing more than a zombie because I had no heart. Dante will always have my heart even when he has long forgotten me, I will never stop loving him.

I felt like an actress back stage waiting for the curtains to rise. I knew when I entered that castle it would be like walking onto a stage to play. I knew my part and the storyline I had to act out in order to arrive at the desired dramatic conclusion. Yes, I would have go into that castle and make everyone believe that I hated the one person I truly love the most.

I calmed myself and cooly walked back into the castle. The servants and guards noticed my ruffled composure and some attempted to aid me with either kind words or offers of help. Politely I refused claiming the redness in my eyes to be caused by dust or allergies- perhaps a little cliché but it was the best that my mental capacity could dream up considering the circumstances. I caught my reflection in a mirror as I passed a mirror. Suddenly I understood why so many people were concerned. I looked ghastly. Dark circles hung beneath my eyes and my hair was dishelved and wild. Silver streaks marred my face where I had been crying. I looked like a phantom of a dead woman.

I walked numbly towards Dante’s study holding the walls for support. My knees felt like they were going to give way at any moment. The door of Dante’s study opened and Henry came rushing out. My appearance caught him by surprise. He stood stock still for a few seconds then his expression changed from surprise to concern.

“Ebony.” He said softly reaching for me.

I stepped away asking cordially, “Is Dante in?”

“No, he’s gone out. Is something wrong? Ebony what’s matter?”

“Nothing, I just need…” My knees buckled and I fell towards the floor.

Henry dived grabbing me before I hit the floor. His arms clamped around me dragging me onto my feet. He hands brushed over skin, “Where have you been? You’re freezing.”

“Outside.” I replied.

“You’ve been outside in this freezing weather? Are you trying to catch hypothermia or something?”

“No- I…” I threw my hands up unable to make up a reasonable excuse.

Henry’s eye narrowed, “Ebony, what has happened? You need to tell me?”

I wanted to tell him because I wanted him to save me but it was useless. I stared vacantly at Henry who repeated the question a second time. I didn’t reply. I lowere my gaze to the floor and pushed past him. I took only a few steps before I felt Henry fingers encircle my wrist.

“Ebony-”

Grief manifested itself as anger and I tore my hand out his grasp screaming, “Get away from me!”

Henry staggered back a few steps wide eyed with shock and confusion. I turned quickly in the opposite direction and walked away, furiously rubbing my eyes trying to disguise the tears that were coming. Henry did not follow me. I went upstairs to my bed chamber. Closing the door behind me, I locked it and sunk to the floor.

“Oh god, oh god, oh god” I whispered through trembling hands.  “Could you do it? Could you marry your own brother?”

What choice did I have?

Curling up into a ball on the floor, I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

The dream began as white and slowly sharpened into focus as a black blur came ambling out of some snow blanketed woods. I recognised the blur as myself- well my old self before I had met Dante before I had lived in the mortal world. My old self was walking towards me, dressed in crude black rags that hung around my body. I watched in amazement, like a spectator at a show. My old self walked past me, she didn’t seem to see me. I turned to follow her but was surprised by the presence of a young boy, a fair child of no more than nine or ten.

“I know you, don’t I?” The old me said walking through the snow towards the little boy.

The boy stared up at me with silver gray eyes that were flecked with green and violet. The boy tilted his head up in haughty manner to pass off the air of an aristocrat. The old me clapped and nodded knowingly,

“Ah, you’re the son of the dragon King. I recognise those eyes anywhere.” The old me smiled.

“And who are you?” The little Prince asked, pretending he hadn’t noticed my giant black wings.

“I am a raven.” The old me replied.

I could sense the boys wonder and astonishment, even though he knew what I was before I had actually said it. Ravens were myths is some parts of this world. Very few people had seen us and even fewer believed in us. The boy eyed up the giant wings,

“My father said he had once met a raven but I thought he was lying.” He said.

“Well, now you know your father isn’t lying.”

“Are there other ravens like you?”

“There are other ravens but none are like me.”

“What makes you so special?” The Prince asked.

The old me looked at him then for a moment her gaze lifted up, like she was looking at me- the spectator.

“One day, when you are all grown up I will tell you.” She said.

“Why can’t you tell me now?”

“The time isn’t right.”

“Ohhh- that’s not fair!” The boy whined.

She looked at me again, “Sometimes life seems that way. The door gets slammed in your face and you are stuck- but remember fate always has a way of opening a window.”

Was she talking to me?

The little boy blinked, “I don’t understand. I thought ravens were supposed to be wise but you talk nonsense.”

The old me laughed, “You’ll understand everything in time. Until then you should enjoy yourself.” She was looking at me again.

Piping up I said, “Can you see me?”

The old Ebony nodded, “Don’t worry. There is always hope.”