Finding You (Dublin Sisters #1)

Chapter 19

Content warning: Mature content

Ramlah

I stood under the shower vigorously scrubbing my body. I felt filthy and disgusted. All those men and their hands. Urgh! I shuddered, Fahd was crossing all lines. I had resisted as much as possible but Fahd was stronger than me and he had dragged me to the dance floor. The different bodies rubbing to mine had made me queasy. I knew I was going to get sick. I was also claustrophobic. I needed air to breathe. Alhumdulilah, Fadil had pulled Fahd out on time otherwise, I might have fainted or fell. And knowing my husband's intoxicated condition he would have let others trample all over me.

I sighed and got dressed. Just when things seemed a little better he drank in public when I was there. I don't think I can trust to go out with him alone again. He will never able to protect or care for me. In the past week, I had slowly learned to trust him. This was the last chance I had given him. I was not going to trust him ever again. I will continue to do my duty as a wife taking care of him but nothing more. His actions were making it difficult for me to tolerate him let alone like him. I will try to talk to Fahd about his drinking, I resolved. This can't go on, he was playing with my emotions, body, faith and values. I stepped into our bedroom and saw Fahd was sitting on the desk chair staring out the window.

I quietly made my way to the dresser to brush my hair and get to bed. He was still slightly drunk, I didn't want to spite him right now. Allah knows what he will do to me then. As I lay on the bed, I finally heard Fahd stand up,

"Ramlah, I don't want you ever talking to Fadil."

I froze in the act of snuggling under the duvet.

"Whenever he comes home I don't want you going in front of him. Stay in the room."

I wanted to argue. Tell him he was being wrong. Fadil was not at fault but he was. But I stayed silent.

"Is that clear?" I heard him move towards the bed.

"Yes," I muffled from under the duvet. My heart beat thumped hard and my body tensed thinking he would again force himself on me. Instead, he just went to his side of the bed and facing the other side went to sleep immediately. Once his breathing evened out, I finally exhaled as if I had been holding my breath all this time and was able to go to sleep.

****

Fahd's behaviour drastically changed yet again. He was back to his routine of staying out late drinking and what not. He would be drunk coming to bed many times. Again our communication had constrained. Probably his drinking habit was making me uncomfortable to be near him. Several nights after the winter fair, he had come home early. I was still awake, sitting on the bed reading an eBook. I was so engrossed in my book that I didn't hear him come in. I was startled when he was standing directly in front of the bed. I glanced at his face and grew rigid. He was not himself. He had been drinking. I cringed internally. I was feeling miserable at the moment due to my period and I was not ready to deal with this today.

I stood up to go and change my pyjamas and go to bed. I was heading to the closet when he stepped in front of me, blocking my way to the closet. I was dreading to look at his face but I had to. I slowly raised my eyes to his. His dark orbs had turned scarlet and his gaze was slightly unfocused. I tried to move around him to get to the closet but he grabbed my arm.

"Where are you going?" he muttered.

"Closet. I need to get my pyjamas."

He smirked, "Take off your clothes now."

"Wha---" I was astonished.

Did I hear him right? He wanted me to strip right in front of him. It was different when we were in bed but now when he wasn't even in a state to remember I was sceptical and besides I couldn't exactly fulfil his desire tonight because of my condition as Quran prohibits a man to be intimate with his wife when she has her menses.