The Girl who Writes and the Boy who Likes her (Now Published So Sample Only)

Chapter 8

© 2013 Sandra Corton

Journal entry 6 Book 2

I feel so free, so light, so happy. I haven't felt this way since before my Dad died. The funny thing is, the better I feel about myself the more down everyone else seems to be around me. Shouldn't they be happy that I'm not so depressed anymore?

I understand why my Mum was upset. She had a small falling out with Pippa over Zach taking me to see my Dad. They had made up though which I was glad for. She was also worried about me telling Thomas about the new man in her life. I preferred to just not get involved.

Thomas though had been snappy at me recently. I could only wonder if he was still upset about me giving the car to Zach. Maybe he knew about Mum? I just didn't know.

The worst was Zach. Ever since he took me to see Dad he had been acting different. When he thought I wasn't looking he would seem alternately sad, worried or agitated. The worst was when he looked guilty. Of course he always smiled when he noticed my gaze. I just couldn't understand it.

He had made me able to look beyond the shell that I was hidden in for the last few years. He had helped me to move past some of the grief and pain. That was a miracle he hadn't been able to see that he had given me.

He keeps shrugging it off like it’s nothing, that his efforts haven't helped me in any way. It's such a lie! He has been the only person to actually see me, the real me for such a long time. I thought he understood me. I thought he got me but maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was seeing hope where there was none.

Chapter 8

Zach ran his fingers across the front of her journal again as he had been doing repeatedly since the first time he tried to return it to her. He had been determined to give it to her the day they went to her father’s grave. She had looked so happy when they were heading home that he didn't.

He couldn't destroy that fragile joy that he was mesmerised by. She had voluntarily hugged him. The girl that avoided any physical contact had not only hugged him but had let him embrace her.

He knew he was being selfish. He didn't want to give up this more positive light she was shining with. He just knew when he returned the journal she wouldn't look at him the same way. She may refuse to even see him. So every day he carried that journal with him and every day it went home with him. He hated himself for it.

It was Friday, a few weeks after he had taken her to her Dads grave. As usual he went straight to her house to pick her up for school. She was becoming an addiction he couldn't get enough of. Even as the guilt ate at him, he couldn't resist the allure of the small smile when she offered it.

"Good morning Emily! What's going....on?" His last words came out rather choked.

She was standing in the kitchen surrounded by food, with a warm smile on her face. Gone were her drab, draping shirts, skirts or pants. Instead she was wearing a pair of pale blue jeans and a bright purple t-shirt. Her long glorious hair was pulled back from her gorgeous face into a messy bun while those green eyes captivated him.

Zach wasn't sure what shocked him more, seeing all her curves on display or the twinkle in her eye from the genuine smile she gave him. His heart felt like it stopped dead before it threatened to pound its way out of his chest. He was so taken aback that at first he didn't notice her face fall and tears gather in her eyes.

"It's too much isn't it?" She whispered across the room to him and he finally noticed how upset she was.

"No Em, this is incredible, you just shocked me that's all." Zach finally moved across the room to her.

He quickly pulled her in for a hug which she didn't protest. She melted against him and Zach felt overjoyed at how comfortable she was with affection towards him now. Then of course the guilt that he wasn't being totally honest with her bit him. He pushed it down and away determined to enjoy this moment.

"What are you always carrying in your jacket pocket?" She suddenly asked startling him.

He stepped back from her as panic gushed through him. Was now the moment to tell her? He didn't want to ruin her morning by trying to explain about why he had the journal. Aw crap he had screwed this up!

"Um .....nothing." He murmured, feeling like the biggest jerk on the world.

"I made you breakfast." She said rather happily, her eyes shining at him.

"We'll that's good 'cause I'm starved." Zach said with a forced laugh as he rubbed his stomach.

She served him a huge plate of bacon and eggs before sitting down to a much smaller portion herself. He had noticed she had begun eating a lot better recently. She wouldn't just push food around on her plate and pretend to eat. Now she would tuck in as enthusiastically as he did. He hadn't missed her too skinny frame was becoming more curvaceous. In fact he loved every single second of it.

The fact that she was comfortable enough around him to mostly talk normally made his day. She would still be writing fervently sometimes but now he only had to speak her name for her to come back to him with a small smile. He hadn't started reading the notebook she gave him the second time she had spoken to him. He felt he couldn't do it until he was honest enough to return her journal.

"This is delicious Em, thank you so much." He said gratefully as he continued to shovel food into his mouth.

"That's okay." She whispered as her cheeks flushed red.  

She had gone upstairs to get her bag for school organised while he got the sedan out of the garage. His fingers once again ran over her journal that was still in his jackets inside pocket. He admitted to himself that he couldn't hide it anymore. It was killing him inside. He had been feeling like such a fraud around her. He sucked in a deep breath and pulled the small book from its hiding space.

"Man up Zach you can do this." He whispered to himself.

He placed the small book on the passenger seat and waited for whatever she would say. Dread throbbed through him as he watched her in the rear view mirror. His fingers itched to return the book to his pocket before she saw it.

No he just couldn't lie to her anymore about this. After all that she had done for him this morning he felt like the biggest jerk right now.

She opened the passenger door and froze. She didn't say a word and Zach couldn't bring himself to say anything. Finally her shaking hands reached for her missing journal. She quickly snatched it off the seat, slammed the car door and walked away from him. He winced before getting out of the car and following her.

"Em, please listen to me. Let me tell you why I took it." Zach pleaded but Emily just kept moving.

She went back into the garage, grabbed her push bike and wheeled it out of the cavernous structure. She didn't dare look towards Zach. She knew his eyes would trap her in their depths and she would hear him out.

She felt so exposed, naked even. It felt as though all her secrets were out for the entire world to see. No wonder he had been able to figure her out, he had all her thoughts from the last few years. He had gained her trust so easily but now it felt like nothing but the nasty bite of betrayal.

Tears threatened on the edge of her vision and she dumped her bike in the middle of the driveway to run back inside. No longer was she in the mood for the happiness she felt when she put her long forgotten, favourite jeans on. Instead she felt as though she was being dragged through mud so thick that she couldn't see the end of it.

Her chest was tight, her lungs hurt with her erratic breathing and anxiety threatened to blacken her day. Spots formed at the edge of her vision as she curled into a ball against the front door.

She needed safety, she needed her characters. It had been a while since she had needed them this badly. She managed to crawl slowly but surely up the stairs. She dragged her body to her room and reached for any scrap of paper and pen she could find.

She felt her anxiety ease gradually as she wrote. Immersed in her characters world she was unprepared for the knocking at her door. She flinched making the pen run across her swiftly written words. Her anxiety that had been lessening now returned vengefully.

"Em I'm sorry. I have to go to school now okay but I'll come back over this afternoon and explain." Zach's sorrowful words filled her with anger which quashed the anxiety momentarily.