The promise

Part 18

I need to call Mason. I just need to explain to him why I left the way I did today. I'll tell him my story and hopefully he wants to take it slow, because I really like him and I want to a spend more time with him. I love the way he looks at me. I love the way he makes me feel and how comfortable I am with him. I just want to be sure that I am not making a mistake by walking away.

"Hi Mase." I said, my voice low and fragile. Giving away how vulnerable I feel.

"Mira. Are you okay?"

"No, we need to talk but I would rather it be face to face and not over the phone and tonight if possible."

"Okay. I can pick you up in about twenty minutes." He offered.

"Alright."

I can't believe I am doing this. The thought of being so open has me on the edge of throwing up. After about twenty mintues he text me he is outside and I excuse myself to go see him. We drive down to a park and walk to a bench.

"I need to explain what happened today and why what you are asking me is asking the world and I am scared." He place his hands over mine to give me support.

"You don't have to."

"I do. I can't... we can't move forward if I don't let you know this. I wasn't always this girl. I didn't look like this and I certainly didn't think a guy like you could like a girl like me. I wanted to be a wallflower in high school especially at our high school. I didn't want to standout and cause too much attention to myself. In my old school school I was really picked on. I was bullied for being me. I was fat, black, smart, African with a thick accent and wore glasses. It all started when my science teacher assigned me as a peer tutor to this guy who was in a grade higher than mine. We were to meet every wednesday at lunch and whenever we want to if we had a test coming up. One day he decided that we should meet before lacrosse practice, so I  can prep him for the test the next day. We were to study in the coach game room after school. Something didn't feel right. I should have gone with my gut and said no, but I hesitantly agree. We studied for about an hour before he started to act weird. First he placed his hands around my shoulders then he moved them down towards my back."  I choke on my words, as tears run down my face. The horror of that day coming back like a strong wind.

"He didn't rape you did he?" He cringed with pain written all over his face.

"He tried to force himself on me." I cried.

"Fuck."

"But I pushed him away the best I can. He unzipped his pants and tried to get me to give him a blow job. He made remarks about how I should use my fat lips for good use. The door open and there I was on the floor with his pants down his legs and my hair a mess. His teammates stood at the door and laughed.
He walked to the door pulling his pants up and said "Boys, she's a wild one."  I remember those words clearly. I remember the look on their faces. Their sharp laughs stabbing me. I remember the shame and pain I felt. I remember being frozen screaming loudly that it wasn't what it seem, but nobody could hear my broken voice.

"And I became the black slut. I went home and cried so much. I didn't tell anyone at home what happened. I stayed home from school by faking an illness. When I return back on Monday the rumours were everywhere. Guys would walk up to me and say dirty and mean things. It was everyday. He told everybody that I wanted him, that I begged him to give him a blow job. I would get notes from guys about doing stuff with them. Nobody wanted to hear my story. It truly wasn't what it seemed. If I didn't fight with him. He would have raped me. The girls hated that I got so much attention so they started bullying me. It got really bad. It felt like the whole world was against me. It got so bad I didn't want to go to school or leave my house. My grades dropped tremendously. My parents found out about six months in and confronted me about what was going on. I told them and they dragged me to school and reported the activities to the principal.  A report was filled with the police because it was sexual harassment. I didn't do anything. I was a victim. They didn't know who I was and neither did they care, but they said such horrible, disgusting lies about me." The pain I felt made it impossible to breath. Those were the worse days of my life. I didn't want to exist. I let them decide the value of my life and my worth. I promised myself that I wil never go back to being that girl. I will never let anyone do to me what they did to me. Talking about the past hurts more than I thought, but I feel safe in his presence. He looked pained for me. He wipe my tears and pulls me into his embrace.

"I didn't know all this happened to you." He wishper in my ear.

"It did and I do my best everyday to forget. When I moved here I drew no attention to myself. I don't get called beautiful or given a second glance by guys, but I am ok with that.

"You are beautiful." He corrected me.

"I easily slipped into the background. I started watching what I eat, I got contacts, I exercise, practice my accent and found two friends that are truly amazing. Even when I became friends with Bonnie I let her know her friends aren't mine. The students in this school are just as vindictive as the ones in my old school. A lot of them are who you call your friends. I have seen them do worse to people."

"I know." He said. "If I knew that was what you went through I would never have pressure you to do anything you didn't. I am so sorry you were treated that way. I won't let what happened to you, happen again." He wipe the tears that are free falling down my face.

"I know you won't. It doesn't mean they won't try."

"You are stronger now. You stood up for yourself to the Hockey team. I don't know the girl you were before, but this Mira is full of confident. I just need you to trust that I will be by your side. I won't let that happen to my girl." He called me his girl, but I still have to make sure that he understands what he is getting himself into.

"I have many baggage. My past, my parents, culture.. It will be easier to find another girl that is less of a hassle." He put me in front of him, so that I am looking straight into his eyes

He place his hands on the side of my face. "I don't want easy or any other girl. I want you." Him saying that brings more tears to my eyes. Happy tears.

"Please forgive me for letting brad kiss me."

"I forgave you the moment you called my name when I left. I couldn't get the picture out my head. You are the most beautiful, smartest, and funniest girl I have ever seen. I want the world to know it. If you walked in to school tomorrow holding my hands I would be the happiest guy, If you don't, but you still choose me I will still be the happiest guy because I have you." I feel butterfly in my stomach. If I had walk away I will never have known how it feels to be so special to someone else, to be so special to him.

"I was wrong for giving you an ultimatum. You didn't deserve that pressure. You mean a lot to me and I want to keep it that way. I want it to grow and become something. It shouldn't be dependent on what our peers think or know.

"Can I kiss you?" I ask. I need to kiss him.

"You never have to ask baby girl." He pulls me in and kiss me, like he wants to take away my pain and protect me. It is in that moment that I realise that I would risk it all for him.