If I Can Love You, Why Can't You? - A Werewolf Novel

If I Can Love You, Why Can't You? - Chp 33 [By Myself]

Cause I can’t hold when I'm stretched so thin/I make the right moves but I’m lost within/I put on my daily facade but then/I just end up getting hurt again/By myself/I ask why, but in my mind/I find I can’t rely on myself~Linkin Park – By Myself

I awoke with a startled gasp after I had experienced even more sights; instinctively I patted the space beside and all around me in my bed. I bit back a whimper of pain as reality hit me hard, he wasn’t here. He wasn’t beside me, sleeping in the same bed as I. I was finally back home in my own bed and naturally I just presumed that he’d be here, beside me.

Yet I was wrong, I had after all sent him away.

I curled myself tighter in a ball as I tried with all my might to will myself back to sleep so I could dream and listen in on Will’s thoughts. I knew it was rude to be snooping in his thoughts and pass but I craved to somehow be close to him, and even if it were of agony filled visions so be it.

My mind spiraled back on all the details my dreams just slithered by, there were countless of them some lingering longer than other. After I went back and relived Will talking with Gabe and Ty I went on to experience and live more.

I went back to when he was researching with Erin and how every time he had to hold his hand back from the phone of calling me as he wanted me to study, the exams after all highly important. He knew that if he told me what was going on I surely wasn’t going to be studying let alone attending the exams.

I experienced his depression of darken despair over in France where he spent his time moping, sleeping or drinking even, Erin herself had quoted. I watched as he sat in a dark and dreary bar having a break after a tiring day of travelling and Erin was complaining, her voice enough to make you cringe, she complained about Will’s depressing and awful company and how she wanted to have fun. I watched on as he just grunted took another swig of the throat scorching alcohol and reach for his phone only for Erin to snap at him and say that I needed space and to leave me alone ‘till I was back and how our phones were being tracked. It wasn’t Erin’s obvious tactics in creating drama (well at least obvious to any female) that angered me or hurt most. No that didn’t hurt at all because I was satisfied in noting how oblivious Will was, he didn’t even spare her a glance, and his thoughts were consumed of me and me alone. What hurt was the other words that left her mouth, words similar to Jacks and Brooke, words stating how lucky I was and in the end it was my fault, how I was acting like an immature fool and needed to grow up. It didn’t hurt because it was from her; it hurt because even though Will defended me with such dedication I knew she was right. Especially now I knew she was a hundred percent right, I was the biggest idiot on the planet.

I felt finally what it was like to be a werewolf, I experienced through Will’s past memory of him racing to Sydney as soon as he discovered where I was. I experienced him running for hours beyond even though he was baring jet lag and I experienced the thrill and excitement he experienced from running, the freedom. Will didn’t though, the entire time he solely focused on me, his destination, he didn’t care what was to come he just wanted me. He wanted to see I was safe, he had no idea of what had happened to me or why I was in Sydney exactly but he was set on taking all my pain away. He conquered an eight hour drive by car in five by feet, or rather paws. His mind never straying far from me and the entire time set on fixing all of my sorrows, destroying all my fears and fretting on how he was going to break the news of my father’s disappearance. Yet at the end of the day, all he wanted to do was hold me.

I even experienced his rage, red hot rage of bloodlust. I was within his body as he fought off every single person in his path as he fought in the mansion against Astroid’s crones and he didn’t falter. He was like a machine, lethal and striking with such precision I couldn’t help but feel entranced and in awe as I experienced it. The anger that consumed him was beyond frightening though as his entire self target was on destroying Astroid and bringing him to his feet, making his breath stop and his eyes to lose all light and life. He was on a mission to kill and save me and not once did the animal within him prevail. I witnessed as for the first time ever Will accepted and granted what was within him and befriended the animal side of him, for the second time ever he was grateful for being a werewolf as it bought him closer to me and saving me.