Top and Tail [boyxboy] [slash]

Chapter 12: What Now?

I slid into bed awkwardly that night, very aware of Jay's portentous figure watching me in the background. After my mum had come bustling into the house with armfuls of paperwork things had become slightly awkward. Jay kept sending emotional glances in my direction, while I scowled at my shoes and only spoke when necessary. It was cowardly, but I felt... weird being in the same room as Jay, who I had actually straddled just a few hours ago and not even being allowed to touch. I couldn't even supress a shiver when his hand innocently brushed my own as he handed me my last cup of sizzling tea that night.

I sat on the top end of the bed, legs crossed.

"Uh... Jay?" My words came out squeaky and I flushed with embarrassment. He nodded eagerly.

"Yeah?"

"Are you... like, coming to bed or what?"

He gulped his eyes wide in anticipation and longing. "Um, yeah."

I held my breath as he advanced towards the covers, eyeing his movements carefully. So much had changed in the few short hours since we'd... kissed. It still felt strange even thinking that. I'd kissed someone. I'd kissed a guy. I'd kissed Jay...

And I'd loved it.

Yet for the first time since he'd come to live with us, Jay tucked himself into the bottom end of the bed. I let out a small sigh of relief – God knows how awkward it would have been if he'd crept in beside me – but also a pang of disappointment. I mean, sure, he came onto me, but did he regret it? And I had been more than slightly forceful on him after, letting my emotions run completely wild as I devoured his lips, trying to squeeze every  single flicker of emotion I'd ever felt for the guy into one little kiss.

In short, maybe I'd come on too strong, and Jay was too nice a guy to reject me. The thought alone caused an anxious fluttering in the pit of my stomach. I gulped, not sure if I even wanted to ask if he regretted it in case he did. On top of everything that day, I didn't think I could handle that.

"Ash? Um, what's up?"

"Eh?" I looked up from the covers, mildly confused. "Oh! Oh right... Uh, nothing. Doesn't matter. Go to sleep."

Yawning dramatically, I writhed inside the covers and pulled them tightly around my shoulders. Even with the duvet wrapped around my body I still felt cold without Jay's arms enveloping me. Was it pathetic how dependant I'd become on him?

Didn't stop me from lightly grazing my leg against his back though. Hey, it was a desperate bid for warmth, not comfort.

I couldn't even convince myself.

"Hey Ash?" Jay whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Did you... did you open that card your mum and dad got you?"

I lay there, completely perplexed for a moment or two, before images of the bright yellow envelope flashed before my eyes.

"Shit."

Jay emitted a small snort, before clamping a hand to his mouth in embarrassment. I simply rolled my eyes at him and blindly stumbled around the room until I found my jacket, the card still neatly nestled in the inside pocket.

"Hey Jay turn the light on, will you? Contrary to popular belief, I don't actually have super-vision."

Jay obediently reached over to my bedside lamp and flicked the switch, lighting up the room with a dim yellow glow. He sat up under the covers, his ruffled hair looking extremely good on him. I scowled. It wasn't ok to think things like that! Even if we did... kiss.