Last First Kiss #Wattys2014

Chapter 38

= Liam's POV =

Thirty-four hours, eleven minutes and fifty-three seconds later, here I am - laid up in my bed with my pillows soaking wet from my tears. I don't care if they call me a pussy for crying my eyes out.

It hurts. 
It hurts real bad.

This is, by far, one of the toughest things I have to face in my life. So no, I'm not going to "man-up" any second now. I'm going to lay here, in my bed, and wait till I rot. I have no reason to live anymore. The one person who I love most - is now gone. Probably forever.

This isn't the first time that Lexi and I broke up. But this breakup hurts the most. Why? Because I have a strong feeling that it's going to stay this way. I have a feeling that this time around, we won't get back together.

Lexi - she's everything a lad could ask for. The beauty, the wit, the intelligence, everything. It's no doubt why I fell so madly, deeply in love with her. But a part of me wishes that I hadn't. Because I know that if I didn't fall in love with her, I wouldn't be in this very situation right now. But I know that Lexi and I were bound to fall in love - whether I liked it or not. It's destiny, as they call it.

And it's killing me.

She's right. If I truly love her, I would let her go and be happy even if that happiness she'll have won't be with me. Even if it means letting her go.

What's killing me most is knowing that I'm the main reason why she broke up with me. I'm the reason why people are hating on her. I'm the reason why she's hurt. It's all because of me. And I can never forgive myself for letting her go through all the things she's been through because of me. I can never forgive myself for all the times I made her cry. I can never forgive myself. I just can't.

Someone knocks on my door and I don't bother to answer it. I know that even if I tell that person to go away, they won't. The door opens and Louis, Zayn and Harry steps in. Harry's carrying a tray, probably with food on it. Louis rushes to my bed and pats my head.

"Oh, Liam," he says, giving out a sigh, "What are we ever going to do with you?"

"Who gave you the keys to my house?" I ask.

"We thought you'd keep a spare key under the mat out front. You're quite predictable, mate," Harry replies.

"You need to eat something, lad," Zayn suggests, taking the tray from Harry and placing it on the bed side table.

"I don't want to eat," I mumble, sitting up straight next to Louis.

"We all know that what you're going through is very, very hard," Harry says, also sitting on the bed. "But Liam, you also have to look after your health. You might faint any second now."

"And you've been crying like a teenage girl for the past couple of hours - which worries me quite a lot," Louis says, taking a look at my sore eyes. "I'm scared that the next thing you say will be; 'I can't live without her'," he says in a sad, dramatic voice.

Zayn slaps him softly in the arm. "The lad is in pain. Stop with the teasing," he reproaches him. Louis raises both his hands in surrender.

"I can live without her," I say, looking at both my hands as I play with them. "I just don't want to."

"We're here for you, Liam," Harry says, rubbing my arm soothingly and reassuringly.

"And if Lexi were any other girl, we'd tell you to suck it up and move on. But we just can't seem to tell you that because we know how much you loved her. And how much you still do," Louis says. He clears his throat and continues. "But Harry's right, Liam. You also have to look after your health."