Chosen // loki laufeyson

Chapter Fifty Seven

350,000 READS - JANUARY 15, 2016
600 FOLLOWERS - JANUARY 17, 2016

Chapter Fifty Seven

Loki

The days were excruciatingly long and the nights were even longer. My eyes would barely close for sleep and then they would be forced open by nightmares or anxiety.

Frigga tried desperately to put light back into my eyes but I would never admit to her that seeing her struggle with me made me more sad. I rarely left her side the moments I did leave my room, and most people gave me looks of sympathy and sadness.

I was a ghost of what I used to be, completely unsure of what my mind was, what had happened to make me act the ways I had been. I knew what happened before I disappeared to Midgard and every painful moment after, but nothing of the in between. It hurt, not knowing what had happened by my hand except that my wife lay dying because of me.

They refused to let me see Lienna. She was kept under heavy guard, behind impenetrable doors. Frigga, Odin, and the healers were the only ones allowed in, and none of them would tell me how she was. I wasn't sure if this was for my sake or their safety, but my heart was destroyed either way.

I longed to see her, with all my being. My heart burned to be near hers, to feel her presence. Without her, I was completely lost and devoid of purpose, leaving me wondering how on Asgard I had survived growing up.

I laid on my bed, curled up like a baby and crying like one too. I was no longer ashamed. No one came to bother me except Frigga, who wasn't a bother at all.

Then a noise so alien to me rang out, causing me to jump. It was a gentle but urgent knock at the door. Frigga would have just entered. My heart began to flutter, and my anxiety spiked.

I opened the door to see an exhausted looking Thor. He looked awful, but I knew I looked worse.

"Brother," he greeted me sadly. "Lienna is..."

My entire body went colder than it already was, my heart sinking like a stone dropped into the freezing ocean.

"Just- Come with me, Loki."

Before I knew it, I was standing outside the doors that had been separating me from Lienna. Instead of doing everything in my power to get through them, I felt an immovable sense of dread.

I would not walk in and have a healthy, lively Lienna run into my arms.

I would not walk in and see a weakly smiling Lienna laying in an infirmary bed.

I would walk in and see my wife laying on a slab of marble, awful bruises from her jawline to her collarbones, deep purple lining her eyes, sickly sallow skin covering bones with not much else under it, chapped lips, surgical scars from what they couldn't fix with magic. I would either see my one beloved dead or the only woman I will ever love fight her last battle with herself.

I was terrified. I was so nervous my entire body shook violently.

Without concious volition I pushed through the doors and into a room positively teeming with nervous energy, but I felt none of it. I saw none of it.

What I saw confirmed my thoughts. I saw my wife dying.

There was nothing graceful or poetic about it.

She was surrounded by people in all white who violated her body in every way possible to try to preserve what little life she had left.

After some time, they set down their tools and cleared out of the room. Thor followed soon after, his face a mix of anger and sadness, fists clenched. Frigga walked after him, drying her tears just to have more replace them. Even Odin wiped away a few tears before leaving, his steps slow and pained.

I was left alone. Everything was quiet, my heartbeat filling my ears with a melancholy drumbeat.
When I looked at her, I wabted to feel terrible, sick, angry, terrified, traumatized, sad. I wanted to feel awful about what happened.

But I felt nothing.

No emotions came. Everything about me was dead. The only way I could be separated from bodies they buried in the ground was that I was still somehow managing to pull air into my lungs.

I knelt beside her, taking her hand. It was cold, a sensation I never felt with Lienna.

Of all the things that could have and should have brought me to tears, feeling the utter cold of my wife was my tipping point. I was supposed to be the cold one, I should have been the one that was freezing her hand.

I laid my head beside hers, sobbing.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "It should have been me."

No, Loki.

My head snapped up, searching for something I knew I wouldn't find. Her body lay still, her hand still in mine.

I was chosen for this, Loki. I was chosen for you, and for everything that has happened to me, love. You cannot lose hope now, when you are so close.

Then, when all seemed possible and impossible, nothing made sense but everything fell into place, she breathed. Her once-still chest rose and fell. I stared for a moment, not sure if it was entirely real. She breathed again, a labored and deep breath, but a breath nonetheless.

I was so overwhelmed I couldn't form coherent thoughts, only hold her hand. I smiled at her, knowing she couldn't see but hoping she would anyway.

Then, she smiled back.

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The long awaited update has arrived in full glory!!!

If anyone is confused, this takes place at the same time as the last chapter and is about as emotional as it and probably more lol.

Anyways, thank you for 350k reads and 600 followers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

love you all so much,
katiethenovelist

(also hey all u people who thought i killed her off: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°))