[Del]'s Diary

ENTRY ELEVEN

I’ve been trying to piece together what happened during day 0. But I only have what I wrote down here and little of that makes sense. I am also starting to have strange rememberings from that day. Mainly a sense of topsy-turviness. Like I’m on a boat and the whole room risks being tossed and pitched into the sea. I must have been drugged. Sometimes there are hands attached to husky tattooed arms around me, guiding or pressing me down. But mostly I see only colors.

Even going over the lucid things (and I use the term lightly) I have written since, I get the sense I have not been quite right. In fact, I come across as a little loopy. Who acts so nonchalant when being confined to a room? I’m in a FUCKING rubber room for gawd sake and I’ve been stuck here for days with not a single soul in sight.

And what was I talking about: night visits?

The clearer my head gets, the more maddening this is. I almost would prefer to be loopy again. I can’t shake this feeling of having a large black rat gnawing away me from the inside out.

 I’d ask what I’d did to deserves this but I already know: I’ve done the single worst thing possible or I wouldn’t be imprisoned in this place.

I would crawl in a hole and die of shame for whatever it was I have committed, but I’m already here.

[Deleted]