The Rift

Chapter 13

She sat there, her face beautifully illuminated by the sun, her eyes closed peacefully, listening to my rant, without a word or interruption. This, for faith, was weird, because she loved to interrupt me. But I was thankful; because what I needed right now was for her to just listen. Her back was leaned against her maple, her hands folded peacefully in her chest. The perfect image of calm.

I paced, back and forth, in front of the tree, my hands clenched into fists at my sides, my hair whipping as I turned, my jaw clenched, and my words fast and angry. I was about as far away from calm as you could get. It was the night after the catastrophic therapist appointment. Faith listened patiently.

“They left!!!! “ I shrieked, my voice high and filled with frustration. “I storm out of the building, and a half an hour later, when I come back, they’re gone!!” I yell. Faith opened her eyes, and looked at me with a slightly amused expression. I continued.  “No note! No car! Only the receptionist looking at me like I was an idiot. I had to walk home, in the middle of a part of town that I didn’t know! It took me three hours!! I was completely lost, and I had to ask three random strangers for directors, two of which who were completely incompetent.”  I stopped for breath, my chest heaving. Faith said nothing, but continued to look at me calmly, waiting for me to be finished.

I had already covered what had happened inside the office, and that alone had taken almost a half an hour of me screaming my head off. I was really mad.

You might not have noticed.

“Well…” Faith said slowly, as if measuring each of her words carefully. She bit her lip, looking uncomfortable.  I started at her, waiting for her to continue. She looked at me, as if she was afraid to say anything more.

“What?” I snapped. I wished she would just spit it out.

“Well…” She started again “I just don’t think you tried very hard.” Her voice was very quiet, as if she didn’t really want me to hear. But I heard every word loud and clear.

“What do you mean?” my voice sound like ice. Sharp and cold. She looked up at me, meeting my eyes. She looked hesitant.

“With the therapist. You didn’t even try to talk. Or listen to her…” Faith drifted off, seeing my expression. I was furious. Had she not been listening at all?!?!!

“WHAT WAS THE POINT IN TALKING?!?! SHE COULDN’’T HAVE HELPED ME!!!!” I yelled, taking a step closer to Faith. Her eyes remained locked to mine. To my surprise, they were filled with tears. She stood up, which, in her case, didn’t make too big of a difference, she was so tiny. But she had a way of holding herself that showed how strong she was. I didn’t want to see the tears in her eyes. I didn’t want her pity. I continued yelling. “WHY SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO HER? WHAT WAS SHE GOING TO SAY, THAT COULD HAVE MADE ME FEEL ANY BETTER?!?!” to my embarrassment, my eyes were becoming watery as well. But I pushed the sadness away with fury. Faith stood her ground, the tears now falling freely.

“Maybe if you had believed the words she said, they would have helped you.” I froze, my anger evaporating, replaced by surprise. There was an emotion in Faith’s voice that I would not have expected, one that I’ve never heard her use before, even though I’m quite used to it.

Fury. Faith was angry with me. Maybe those tears weren’t because of pity…

“If you had walked into that office open-hearted, you could be feeling better today. Maybe, if you had opened up to her, things might have been different how… maybe you would even be here.” She glared at me through her tears. She didn’t want me to be here. Not because she didn’t like me, but because she did. Because she didn’t want me to be stuck here like she was. Her former words echoed in my head, from what seemed like years ago...