Desperation

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**trigger warning for reluctant/not-exactly-consensual sex**

Gerard tentatively knocked, hoping he wasn't disrupting anything. "Give me a minute," a gruff voice shouted from inside, thudding footsteps approaching the door.

"Ah, Gerard! I was hoping you'd come by soon; such a pretty face as yours shouldn't stay such a stranger," the man said, his tone and body language overall off-putting and slimy.

"Hey, Matt," Gerard said awkwardly, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet.

"D'you need something?" Matt asked, comfortably sagging onto his ragged, pot-scented couch and taking a swig of beer. "You want one?"

Gerard shook his head no at the offer, leaning agaisnt the wall to make himself look a little less uncomfortable. "Uh, actually, I need more coke... I was hoping you could loan me some until I can pay you back," Gerard replied, pleading with his eyes.

"Now, Gee," Matt began, the sort-of nickname sounding incredibly disgusting coming from his lips, "You know I don't do loans..."

"I know, but I was hoping just this once..." Gerard begged, wishing more than anything he had a different option than what he knew he must do.

"You'll just have to find some other form of payment..." Matt said arrogantly, smacking Gerard's ass.

"If that's what I've got to do," Gerard mumbled, wishing he'd taken Matt up on the offer of alcohol so he'd at least be a little less aware of what was about to happen to him.

He followed Matt into the bedroom, looking around nauseously. The mattress stunk of sour milk and old beer, the fabric scratchy from years of use. Gerard stripped off his clothes, Matt attacking his neck with gross, slurping kisses that made his skin crawl. Matt's hands were fondling everywhere, Gerard trying to focus on anything else other than this man's disgusting apartment and his even more revolting actions.

Eventually, Matt grew tired of his pathetic excuse for foreplay and rolled on a condom. He wasn't considerate enough to properly prep the redhead, barely even coating his cock with lube before thrusting in. Gerard bit his lip and blinked away tears, Matt obliviously thrusting away above him.

Gerard faked moans, pretending to enjoy himself while his mind travelled elsewhere. He filled his mind with thoughts of Frank, a few genuine moans briefly falling from his lips as he thought of the short man in place of Matt. Eventually, Matt pulled out, ripping off the condom and jerking off onto Gerard's chest. Gerard held back a noise of disgust, asking Matt if he could take a shower before he left. Matt absentmindedly nodded, pulling on his boxers before heading out to his living room.

Gerard scrubbed at his skin, trying to erase the memories of what just happened. He shuddered at the thought that he actually let that man touch him, let alone fuck him. A few tears streamed down his face as he realised how pathetic he truly was: so poor he had to fuck disgusting men just to get his next fix. He put his head in his hands and let the icy water pour over him, eventually stepping out once he'd begun to shiver from the cold.

"Here, you've earned it," Matt said once Gerard had joined him in the living room, handing him a half full sandwich bag of cocaine.

"Thanks. I'll be able to pay cash next time," Gerard mumbled, heading towards the door.

"Oh, that's alright, Gee. I think I prefer this form of payment, honestly," Matt replied with a cocky grin, following Gerard to the door.

"Bye, Matt," Gerard choked out, disgust at himself once again consuming him.

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As soon as Gerard locked the door behind himself, he sank to the floor, stinging tears filling his eyes. "How did I let it get this bad?" he whispered to himself, putting his face in his hands.

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