◄ you and me ◄ carl grimes

You And Me: Can't Help It.

edited march 16th 2O22

It was around 8 in the morning and I was feeling extremely sleep deprived. Carl and I had said nothing to each other since he confessed his undying love for me, and the kiss we shared. I don't know how I managed to forget about that. 

I feel like a complete idiot for just standing there and letting it happen. Was I still in love with him that much? All I know is that, I cheated. Cheated on the one person I know for sure would never hurt me. Ryne. I had to tell him.

I got up to go to mine and Ryne's room, but a hand stopped me. I turned down and looked at Carl. He stood up still holding my hand and I tried not to make eye contact with him. "That kiss meant something to you, didn't it?" he asked moving his face near mine.

He slipped his hand under my hair across my cheek, holding my chin up. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. The front door opened and I moved completely away from him.

"Carl!" Tegan shouted and ran straight towards him. "Hi baby, did you sleep ok?" Carl smiled and then looked over to me as I went upstairs. I turned away because I was in shock. He could pretend to be so happy with her after what he admitted to me.

I ran into Ryne on the stairs and he stopped me. "You scared me." I said and he centered my face. "You ok?" Ryne asked and I looked up at him. I then looked over to Carl and Tegan, all of their eyes were planted on me. 

The fact that Carl kissed me and admitted this all to me was just taken me kind of by surprise believe it or not. I thought he had no feelings or cared for me anymore at all. 7 months ago we broke up and I thought any type of feelings would be gone. To be honest, more than half of my feelings for Carl at all died, but there was still some left. He couldn't know that, not Tegan and especially Ryne for that matter.

" I just need some air. " I said looking all around ruffling my hair and Ryne followed after me. " Ella, what's going on? What's wrong?" he asked. I kept my back to him then he spun me around. "Ryne, please, I just want air."

"I just think you're tired, you just need to lie down. If you want some air after you rest, you can go. I'm not telling you what to do, I'm just worried about you." Ryne guided me back to the room and I followed.

I knew I had to tell Ryne about what happened last night with Carl and I. I just didn't know how to approach the situation because I wasn't completely upset about what happened. I did miss Carl, and to say I didn't would just be a lie. However, I did care about Ryne and he's always been so good to me. He was patient with me, he did his best to understand my trauma and I did the same with him. 

Ryne hugged me and helped me into bed. "Just rest for a little while, baby. I'll make you some lunch when you wake up." Ryne planted a soft kiss on my head and left the room. 

I was a piece of shit. I was still feeling my ex, while Ryne was just being the amazing human he was. I broke down in tears because all of this emotion was too much. I was exhausted and I finally shut my brain off and trailed off into a deep sleep.

- - - - -

"Carl Grimes, your mom and dad are waiting over there for you! " One of our camp counselors said. "I guess this is goodbye then? " Carl said turning to me. "I guess it is, not that I'll miss you a whole lot. You're a boy." I turned a bright red and slightly giggled. 

"Trust me, you'll miss me so much!" Carl shouted, loud enough for the entire camp to hear. We even received a few looks from the people around us. I punched his arm and he rubbed it aggressively. "That kind of hurt, jerk." Carl laughed.

By the time we had been in a few minutes long conversation, then my parents showed up. "Ella Greene, your parents are here to pick you up." I turned and saw both my parents, waiting for me, and smiling. "I guess it's my turn to go too." I picked up my three bags and begun to walk away. "Wait."

Carl shouted and I received such a heartfelt hug from him. I didn't know when I'd see him again, but this was incredibly sad. He was my best friend, he was my shoulder this entire summer. I told him everything, he stood up for me. I wish we didn't have to separate from each other.

"Maybe we'll see each other again, soon." Carl said in my ear and I hugged a little tighter.

- - - - -

I slowly opened my eyes and gave a slight smile. That was a good memory, I thought. It felt sweet that I dreamt about it. I got up from my bed and went outside to the back where my daddy was buried.

I kneeled down and placing my hands on the fresh dirt where he'd been buried.

"Hi daddy, it's been really rough without you. I miss you a lot."

I choked a little, it was so easy to beat myself up when I talked to him.

"I know you and everybody else wouldn't want me still beating myself up about your death. I just blame myself so much for it. I wished I turned around in time, I should've turned around in time. I'm so disappointed with that and living with that weight is so heavy."

"My biggest mistake was not telling you how important you were to me and how much I really appreciated you. Some days I still don't feel like I can do it without you. I've been so caught with my feelings about Ryne and Carl. The both love me so much, but you already knew Carl did."

"I told him all the time." I heard a voice from behind me. It was Carl.

He came and kneeled next to me. "I was having a moment, do you mind?" I snapped and got up. "I don't want to hide how I feel. I should've never let you go."

"But you did, and for somebody else!"

"That was such a stupid decision. I was confused, I liked the idea of something else. It was a mistake, Ella. I'm not asking you to forgive me or forget it, but I need you to hear me. I will never stop loving you, for as long as you draw breath. I will always love you more than anything on this earth." Carl was now in my face, and holding my arms.

"That's the problem. It doesn't matter what you do or what you have done, I can't do anything about the fact that I still love you." I screamed back and his blue eyes widened.

"Nobody can replace you." I added lastly.

"That's good to know." I heard another voice from the side of us, it turned out to be Ryne.