26. Finding out (part 2)

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I read over the paragraph again.
Decision? She had a choice? I sat up straight thinking for a moment and shaking my head I then went back to the diary.

*Dear diary
I am going to get married.... tomorrow.*

*Dear diary,
Drunk fiance- delayed wedding- nauseous car ride -etc...
Possibly the worst day ever.*

Normally I wouldn't be affected a bit when somebody wrote about me anything however when I read through her diary it did have an impact on me. Every word flew past me and scenes from the past year reflected through her words.
The time between her entries were reduced.

She throughly loathed me. I was officially nuts. The small things I did unknowingly made up some big rants in her diary

She also told me that Zylen had actually funded for her children's college education with it his help she couldn't do it.I was kind of shocked by hearing this. I didn't see him as a charity man but then again I barely know him . She thinks he and i would have beautiful children. Margaret still doesn't stop working she says she has to repay him for helping her. I found she and I had and lot of common things. There was a lot to discover and learn.*

"Thank god for Margaret....."
I mumbled.

I turned another page read on.

*He confuses me..*

*He confuses me yet again.....*

*Last night at Zylen's Mom and Dad's anniversary, Zylen created a scene. I was talking to his cousin Brendan and that very moment he came. I was literally dragged out of the party and he even accused me of flirting with him. I didn't flirt with Brendan but I knew he was flirting back and I was avoiding it However Zylen noticed it.
The night didn't end well as he drove dangerously fast which gave me yet another panic attack but it was not because of the memory. I didn't want to lose him like my parents. Later that night he smashed a glass in his temper. I cut my thumb on it. That cut didn't matter.I realized I was affected by anything he did. I grew expectant, disappointed, happy, anything at anytime. This wasn't good.

*he has been very supportive yet distant at the same time since I found the truth about my parents accident. My whole time  passes away thinking about why he does this or that?*

*This week has been tiring. Organizing everything has become a little bit difficult. I have no time. Although....*

*Tomorrow is the wedding and everything is set....*

I blew threw the entries and they became more regular, like day after day. The pages of the last couple of entries of our last week were written with great mound of pressure as the writing's impressions were pressed upon the other pages.

*we had an argument on the wedding day. Seeing him yesterday was overwhelming yet piercing through me. God that man was trouble. Trouble was a very small word. Our argument was about everything. We were frustrated. I walked away from him and to top it even Glendora came in and it seems they had a pretty great night. This is the summary of the events that took place however the summary of my feelings for Zylen? The deal had had a huge price after all.
For me. Each and every memory of us is like a painful one. We rarely had laughs but when that one time we did it was heaven. I was so hopeful that he wouldnt sign those papers which I sent to him , hoping that he would just tear them off. But he signed them.
Zylen signed them.
I was like one of those prisoners who are going to be hanged and a minute before they wished that it would all just vanish or stop. The only difference is they don't feel the pain as it they are gone in a second however an heartache doesn't. I felt it even as it chokes me. It doesn't kill you it only makes it worse. It's the worst combination with of all the diseases you'd ever imagine. All I want to say is.
I love him. That's all.*

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