Pure

fifty two

When Harry was 8 years old, his father started to get more abusive. Occasionally he would throw things at his wife and curse a lot. He would smell like cigarettes and alcohol. The yelling would get louder and glass would be shattering all around. When Harry went to look, he would see his mother crying on the ground, hands covering her bruised and bloody face.

Sometimes he would wonder how his sister was doing. He hadn't seen nor heard from her in 4 years. He wanted to be with her, but wasn't allowed to. His father would tell Harry to man up and be more like his father to be the next man of the house. Harry wasn't sure if he wanted that, since his father was always drunk.

Every morning he would see his mother sit at the dining table staring at nothing, she simply lost her mind. Her eyes were red and puffy. She wasn't happy. Everyone could clearly see that. She would always be wearing long sleeves to hide something. Harry found out they were bruises once his mother would roll up her sleeves to wash her hands. Even when he'd ask what marks were on her arms and if they hurt, his mother would tell him to be quiet and not to worry about her. It made Harry sad.

He wanted to help his mother.

But because he was so young,

He didn't really know how to do that.

* * * * * *

But after just now, it left me in deep thoughts. Confused and frustrated, I thought of the words Violet had said.

'He might get angry, hit you and then leave you like he did with me and the others.'

Did Harry really hurt people?

Thinking of that made me sick to my stomach.

But what if it was true?

Would he really hurt me too?

* *

"What was that about?" I ask Harry when we drive out of the parking lot, "What did she mean by that?"

"It's nothing, she's just crazy." he replies.

"She's crazy? She sounded pretty serious to me." I argue.

Harry sighs.

"'He might get angry, hit you and then leave you like he did with me and the others.' That's what she said. What did she mean by that? Are you going to hurt me?" I start to panic.

"No, Lucy, babe. Calm down, please. I'll explain when we get home. I don't want you to freak out, I'm not going to hurt you nor am I going to hit you, I promise."

"Promises cannot be broken."

"I know that, that's why I'm keeping mine."

* * * * * *

"Home sweet home." Harry chuckles and opens the door to our apartment for us.

We carry the bags full of groceries inside and place them on our kitchen counters.

"I'll unpack these, alright?" Harry suggested and kisses the top of my head.

I sigh and fold my arms together, "Harry, we need to talk about this."

"I know, and we are. Just let me clean this up first, okay?"

I nod and grab myself a glass of water. Once I've got that, I make my way to our small living room and take a seat in my chair. Yes, I've got my own special chair. It's one of those with a remote control where you can like lay down and shit. Pretty comfortable if you ask me.

A couple of minutes later, when Harry's done with the groceries, he appears from the kitchen and takes a seat on the couch next to my chair.

He sighs when he sits down and looks at me, "What do you want to know?"

"Everything."

"Everything?"

"Yes, I want to know why she said that." Obviously.

"Okay." Harry takes a deep breath and starts talking, "As you know, I've had a couple of girlfriends, well, not really girlfriends. They were not like you. They were just, as Violet called them, 'toys'. And yes, Violet was one of them. We made a deal together that we would never grow feelings towards each other, because that would only make it harder if one of us was in love or attracted to the other person. We promised it would only be for pleasure. Pure sex."

He says the last two words in disgust. Maybe he really does regret whatever he did.

"They were always younger and I would make them call me 'Daddy' like you do now, only it was different, because you're my actual girlfriend, you know. Okay. When they called me that, I felt that I was strongly aroused by that name calling. I felt like I had so much power and I felt so much stronger. So much better. Then I started to hit them, spank them, you could say. I, uhm, can't really explain how that felt. I knew and felt that I was in control and no one else, and if they didn't listen to me, I would spank them again. And again. And again, again, a-and again."

Tears were brimming in his eyes and he gulps before continuing,

"After that, it wasn't just the spanking I did. I felt powerful, so then when they wouldn't listen and disobey me, I wouldn't spank them anymore. I would actually hit them. Like hit them across their faces. I know, it sounds horrible, and it really was. I couldn't think straight. I didn't know why I was hurting them. I still don't know why I hurt then that much. They wanted to leave me, obviously I now understand why. I threatened them that if they would leave me and go to the police, I would deny everything and hurt them even more. I was so fucking sick, Lucy." he buries his face in his hands.

I stand up from my chair and carefully take a seat next to Harry on the couch, gently rubbing his back while he sobs, whispering comforting words to him like; 'it's okay' and 'I'm here for you' and that he needs to calm down.

"No, baby, it's not okay. It never will be okay."

"Y-you didn't kill anyone, d-did you?" I ask, stuttering a bit.

"What? No. Fuck, no! I would never go that far. I was sick, yes, but I was never capable of killing someone. God, I was so fucked up." he shakes his head several times. I hug him closer to me and kiss the top of his head.

"D-do you h-hate me n-now?" he hiccups, "Y-you're n-not going to l-leave me, are y-you?"

"Of course not, silly." I peck his cheek, "Babe, I love you. And I believe you when you promise never to hurt me. I want you, Harry. I don't ever want to lose you."

"I want you, too. And you're perfect to me. There are so many things I want with you. Like, I want to make you smile and I want to make you cum. I want to hold your hand and I want to hold your hips down while you're writhing. I want to make your eyes light up and I want to make them roll in the back of your head. I want to be your reason to wake up and your reason to stay in bed. I want to kiss your wounds and I want you to leave them on my back. I want to play with your hair while you sleep and I want to feel it between my fingers while you are on top of me."

"Babe." I whisper and smile at him while he holds my hands in his.

He continues, "I want to memorize the repetition of your breathing and I want to memorize the sporadics of your moaning. I want to see the arch in your grin and I want to feel the arch in your back before you collapse. I want to go out to dinner with you and I want to go down on you. I want to feel you in my heart and I want to feel inside you. I want to make you laugh and I want to make you scream. I want to still be able to taste you in the morning. I want you in every form. I love you so much. I have never loved anyone so deeply as I love you."

I smile at his words as he stares into my eyes. I cannot love him more than I already do, and I'm sure he knows that, "How about I make us a nice cup of tea and we just sit our lazy asses down on this couch and we watch a movie together? How does that sound to you?"

Harry grins and pecks my lips several times before replying, "Sounds perfect."

What did I do to deserve such a perfect man like Harry?

* * * * * *

y the fook u lyin'.