The Safety Pin Affair

t h i r t y-e i g h t - i've got one question for you

the way that we are
is the reason i stay,
as long as you're here with me
i know i'll be o k a y . . .

▪️▫️▪️

Public speaking had never really scared me that much. While other students trembled at the idea of having to give a presentation in class, I gladly got up and did it with confidence. I'm not sure why, maybe it's an independence thing. Maybe it's a stubborn bull kind of thing.

Of course, presenting to the class in history on a given assignment is different than the "My Last Words" project. This is practically pouring your heart and soul onto a paper, and reading it out loud to be judged by a group of adults.

Like Mrs. Griffith said, they gave us complete, creative freedom for this. It has to be important to us. It's got to be something we feel strongly about.

I had mine all done a couple weeks ago. Pretty much, I rambled on about living life to the fullest and having no regrets. Something about jumping onto opportunities that scare you and tackling them with pride. I'm not sure where it all came from, but with a few days of hard work, I was proud of it when it was done.

The day after Blair's birthday, that all changed. I scratched the whole thing and rewrote it in thirty minutes.

With a heavy hangover and a bloodstream full of coffee, my fingers danced across the keyboard of my computer with a passion I didn't know I had in me. It all flowed out of me so easily. In the end, it was so much better than the first speech I had written.

Although I liked my original idea and still do, I don't think it's nearly as good as this new one. This is totally different and unique. I felt my heart traveling through to my fingertips with each word I typed. This speech is much more personal.

As I sat in a chair outside of Room 102 just five days after I've rewritten my speech, I felt more terrified than I have in a long time.

I'm scheduled to go at 11:15 and I've been sitting here in one of the extra chairs in the hallway for ten minutes. I left my study hall with a few good luck wishes from Blair and suddenly, it all became so real. She went sometime last week and felt great about it, so I'm happy for her. I can't say the same about myself.

My right leg shook up and down as I gripped the Word document in my restless hands. I haven't been able to stop fidgeting this entire time I've been here. A few teachers and students shuffled by here and there, but other than that, I was alone. In this quiet hallway, all I could think about is the person in the room giving their speech right now and how I'm up next.

I played with the hem of my dress nervously, chewing on my lip absentmindedly. Since there's a dress code for this project, I decided to break out a dress. Shocking, I know. A black and white striped skater dress with strappy black sandals, a simple layered necklace and a couple bangles. It's also really hot and sunny as hell outside, seeing as it's now June, so that gave me another reason to wear this outfit, I guess.

The next few minutes consisted of me crossing and uncrossing my legs, humming a song to myself, tapping my fingers on my thigh in a random beat, and trying to think of calming thoughts. I felt my skin suddenly start to crawl, as I pushed my semi-straightened hair behind my shoulders and fanned myself. It didn't help – all it did was increase my body temperature.

When the door opened, I snapped my head up to see who it was. And none other than Jaclyn Hunt came drifting out with a pleased smile lingering on her lips.