ten

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leaving my friends and jack just for an hour, i walk inside of this nice restaurant to meet up with mark and my mother. i can't believe that i even agreed to this. our relationships aren't going anywhere but downhill.

maybe she wants closure? doubt she'll get any from me today. she blatantly called me names yesterday for no good reason, so i have the right to do the exact same to her.

"hurry up." i immediately snap once i reach my mother and mark's booth.

both of their heads look upward toward me when they hear my voice. mark's facial expression softens and so does my mothers. i brush off their looks because they're most likely for show.

"nova, why don't you have a seat?" mark says sympathetically.

i narrow my eyes at both of them, "you guys are paying for my food."

"of course." mark smiles softly.

"when did you start to develop this attitude?" my mom questions, truly astounded.

i shrug, "you're the one to talk. you used to say how much i was like you."

"your mother wants to apologize." mark informs me.

i look over to her, "then apologize, beth." i emphasize.

"will you listen to me?" she asks.

"yes," i nod. "but that doesn't mean that it'll mean anything to me."

"can you act mature for once?" my mother questions.

"can you not be so annoying for once?" i roll my eyes.

"have you talked to your father yet? about me coming to visit you?" she continues to interrogate and that question really makes my blood boil.

"no, it's not like he's going to remember." i spit.

her eyebrows knit together, "what are you talking about?"

"nothing! just hurry up and apologize so i can get the hell out of here."

"geez, where did i go wrong with raising you?"

"when you cheated on my father while he was nothing but loyal to you." i scoff, narrowing my eyes at the pathetic woman in front of me.

i still can't believe that she's my mother. what a disgrace of a motherly figure. moms should be fun, loving, and caring. she's selfish, egoistic and ignorant.

"i'm sorry for the things that i said yesterday." she sighs, trying to keep it together.

my eyebrows raise at her bluntness, "and what did you say to me yesterday?"

she presses her lips together and i continue to stare, waiting for an answer, but as always, mark interferes and chimes into our conversation.

"nova, really? you mother-"

"oh my god, mark." i cut him off. "don't you ever shut up? don't you ever get tired of talking?"

he's taken aback, "excuse me?"

"you're excused, you rotting man." i sneer, picking at the appetizers at the table.

"you need an intervention or something. what the hell is wrong with you?" my mom gasps.

"what is wrong with me?" i emphasize. "i live with a-"

"he's a nice boy." she says before i can finish.

"well, he's trying to be, but one second he's hot and the next, he's cold. then, there's your ass i have to deal with and your baggage." i say, motioning to mark. "speaking of which, mark always tries to act like he's my real father, but he isn't."

"i want to be comforting to you. i want you to be able to trust me." mark answers.

"then have your own kids or something. just not with my mom because she's a bitch." i tell him.

"i love your mother." he defends.

"she didn't love my dad. how do you think she could love you?" i ask, my voice raising slightly and catching peoples attention.

"maybe your dad-"

"don't you dare let the topic of my father leave your mouth. only mine." i dramatize.

"where is your father anyway? still living in arizona?" mom questions.

"in a facility."

"what? he's in rehab or jail? for what possible reason now?"

"he has dementia! you ignorant bitch." i shout, standing up from my seat.

now, i've grabbed everyone's attention in this fine restaurant. both my mother and mark look at me in shock. i'm livid as i storm out of the restaurant and to my car.

"nova, i didn't know!" my mother shouts behind me.

"how could you? you don't think of anyone except yourself." i snarl, unlocking my car and hopping inside before she can get out another word.

my eyes well up with tears, but i quickly wipe them away, trying to brush off the emotions. it isn't anything new and it's hard to live with, but i try not to bring it up as much as possible.

i can barely visit him because he is located in arizona which makes me seem like such a terrible daughter for using his money to live in another state, but i'm in a great college and i'm trying to finish it and get a good job for the future.

plus, whenever i visit my dad, he doesn't remember me anyway. i press firmly on the gas, backing out of the parking lot and back to my apartment. the topic of my father has been bottled up inside of me.

no one in my life knows except for me and the workers, of course. i'm saving on the venting for someone whom i truly trust. i cruise down the freeway, not trying to think too much of my dad, that'll only make me want to go see him right this instant.

i can definitely and clearly recall the last time i went to visit him, which was last month.

"hey." i smile, walking into the room.

dad stares up at me expectantly, but with a little confusion. the smile is still on my face, hiding the fact that i'm hurt, quite well.

"where is the cereal i asked for?" he asks and my eyebrows pull together.

"dad it's me." i softly say. "it's nova."

he blinks, processing my words, "i want my cereal." he flicks his wrist toward me to shoo me away.

i can't say that it was a waste of money to see him because it wasn't, but it doesn't feel so good knowing that your dad doesn't know who you are. i make it back to my apartment in record time.

as i enter the room, it's like a trigger went off and tears start to stream down my face. jack walks toward the door, due to the sound it makes when it opens. his eyes widen when he sees the state that i'm in.

"nova, what's wrong?" jack asks, holding me at arms length while i sniffle.

i shake my head in defeat, "everything. i just need you."

he embraces me in his arms instantly, hugging me tightly. i shudder against his chest as he runs a comforting hand up and down my back.

"i'm right here." he reassures me.

"no. i need you." i repeat.

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