The Disappearance of Bexley Tate

Chapter Three: Definition of Love

--Chapter Three: Definition of Love--

"Love isn't something you find. Love is something that finds you," -Loretta Young 

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I stood in front of my closet, analyzing all my clothes that were hanging up. I picked up a hanger that had a black dress on it. The dress was short and tight, it was made out of a velvety fabric. The dress was too revealing. Leo wouldn't appreciate it. I hung the dress back up and moved my gaze over to the other dresses. I hated getting ready for dates. I slid the hangers on the rack, examining each option. None of them look right until my eyes landed on a light pink dress. It was flowy, and looked to be a good length.

The dress wasn't perfect, it wasn't even really my style. It was my best option however. I quickly stripped out of my sweatpants and hoodie and pulled the dress on, over my head. I walked over to my full sized mirror that hung on my wall. I stared at my reflection, the dress subtly showcased my curves. It reached just above my knees, and flowed elegantly. It had a spaghetti styled strap that showed off my lightly tanned shoulders. The light pink colour, complimented my dark, long hair. The dress wasn't very me, at all. I've never really been a pink girl. I'd much rather wear that tight fitted black dress, but Leo wouldn't like it. He hated it when I showed off my body.

I walked out of my bedroom and strutted into the bathroom. Reece and I shared a bathroom. It was not the most ideal situation, but I didn't really mind. We had separate sides of the sink and I always showered first; it worked. I took a look at my face in the mirror and grimaced. There was a lot to do. I had school today, but I got too lazy and didn't put on any makeup. I also didn't pay attention to my hair; I just threw it up into a messy bun. I wanted to impress Leo tonight. I wanted him to take a look at me and be like, 'wow I am dating that girl'. I wanted to take his breath away just like he did to me every single day.

My face had some acne on it, but it was not that horrible. Some foundation would fix the two zits I had on my chin. I picked up a tube of my favourite liquid foundation and a brush that was laying on the counter. I quickly took a glob of the foundation and placed it on the brush. I peered into the mirror as I painted my face with the cold liquid.

I quickly did a dark smoky eye to make my light blue eyes pop. I dipped my eyeshadow brush into dark colours to get the contours of my eyelids. I then applied a couple coats of mascara to my bottom and top lashes. I stared into the mirror and smiled in satisfaction at my finished makeup look. I looked quite fantastic if I did say so myself. Now onto the rat's nest on top of my head, my hair. I pulled apart my bun and let my hair cascade down. The dark, curly locks extended just below my chest. I fiddled around with my part trying to get my hair to look decent at least.

Did I love him? Did I love Leo? I had feelings for him obviously. He made me feel things. But was it really love, or do I just think I love him because of what Paislee and Andrew said? What even is love? I knew I had loved before, but it was different all those times. I just felt it. I never had to think about it. With Leo it's different. I think so much when I am with him.

I looked around the bathroom, and picked up my phone off of the sink counter. I quickly typed in my simple password and went to safari. I typed in 'what is love', and pressed the search button. I tapped impatiently at my phone screen as I waited for it to load. It loaded and I stared down at my phone for a minute.

Love, an intense feeling of affection.

I had a lot of affection for Leo, so did that mean I loved him? Our relationship was just so different from any one I had before. I didn't know how I felt. Isn't that the thing though? Do we ever know how we feel? I had always believed that feelings didn't make sense because they weren't supposed to. The thing though is that it's so difficult to not understand them. As humans we are so curious. We need an answer for absolutely everything. It's human nature to want to know things. I really needed to know how I felt about Leo. I needed to know I was not going to mess this up. I needed to know that I was not going to ruin such an amazing relationship, because I might not even love him. I've done it in the past, and I'd rather not do it right now. Love is a crazy thing. It makes you do crazy things. It's like a drug. You get high off it. When I am in love I lose all my judgement. I basically go mad. All I can think about is that person. Was I like that with Leo? I had never noticed it before... but I might be.

I stared at myself in the mirror. Love is for the weak. It makes you weak. It makes you vulnerable. I was weak. I was the weakest person out there. I made eye contact with myself, and I held it for what seemed to be ages. I snapped out of it and looked down at my phone to see that it has turned off. I pressed the on button again to see a text notification appear.

'Hey babe, see you in 15 xx Leo,'

My heart beat started to quicken and that's when it all clicked. I cared deeply for him. I cared too deeply for Leo. Just like I did for...him. It was going to turn out badly just like it had in the past. I had to get out when I could. I had to protect myself. I had failed to protect my heart in the past and I just got hurt. This time I was going to prevent it.

I lost all control of my actions; fear coursed through my veins, not knowledge. Driven by my fear I placed my phone down on the counter. I stomped out of the bathroom, and into my bedroom. I quickly stripped out of the dress I was wearing and picked up the one on the bed. I pulled it off of the hanger, and pulled it down over my head. It was like I was watching a movie. My actions weren't my actions. I was prisoner in my body that did what I was tempted to do rather than what I should have been doing. I turned around to face my full sized mirror. The black dress hugged my curves and showed them off. It was short, and fell mid-thigh on my long pale legs. The dress was revealing and its straps were just as wide as my pinky finger. I liked it though, it was what I wanted to wear.

I marched out of my bedroom and out to the hallway. I quickly stepped down the stairs. I entered the foyer and slipped on a pair of black heels that were by the door. It was dark outside. It was very dark for 9 pm. I guess I had fall to thank for that. The wind howled outside, causing me to hesitate. Is this a bad decision? I glanced down at my dress and then back at the door that seemed to mock me. At this point I knew I couldn't go back. I had made my decision.

I opened the door, and ran out. The wind caught the door behind me and slammed it shut. I walked down the porch's steps, and advanced to my shiny black Toyota. It wasn't mine, it was my mom's, but she let me use it. I clicked the doors unlocked and slid into the driver's seat.

I twisted the keys in the ignition. The engine roared to life and I carefully backed out of the drive way. I drove as fast as I could without crashing the car. I wanted to get there fast. I needed to forget, I needed to just let go. I couldn't be trapped. I couldn't be weak. I couldn't be vulnerable. I needed to be free, and I needed to have fun. I loved him, I loved Leo Acker. I loved him so much, that I couldn't. I couldn't let love get in my way anymore. I couldn't let it ruin me like it always does.

I wanted to be free. I wanted to have fun. I wanted to forget. Funny how what happened didn't make me feel free, have fun, and it defiantly did not make me forget at all. I defiantly would remember everything, except for the events that happened after I blacked out. 

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Hey everyone! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Just where things are going to get interesting! What do you think about Bexley so far? 

I will be updating next Wednesday too. 

If you want a song recommendation, I'd recommend "Losin Control" by Russ. It kind of fits the whole entire book, and it's a very catchy song!

-Misaxx