Your Worst Fears

Chapter 29: Until Amber

Nick

Against Amber's wishes, I left her sitting in the waiting room as I went to see Erik. Since she used to have a thing for him, I'm sure she wanted to see for herself that he was okay, but she'd just have to wait. Just in case this was some type of trick, I didn't want her to be a part of it.

No matter how quietly I tried to walk, my crutches were still noisy, so I didn't bother with trying to be quiet anymore, letting them squeak and clank down the hallway that led to where they kept their worst patients, or at least that's what I assumed. Amber had been near this section once, but I tried not to remember that day.

"He's right in here," the nurse said, opening his door so I could go in.

"You're not coming in, too?"

My question seemed to take her by surprise. "I can, if you'd like me to."

I thought about that and knew Amber would be pissed at my answer. "No, I'll call if I need anything."

"Okay." She stepped back, holding the door open. "We told him you were coming, but I don't know if he understands. Hopefully, seeing a friendly face might help."

I nodded, not saying anything as I walked in, completely taken aback at the sight of Erik. He was curled up, holding his legs against his chest, lying on his side with his back toward me. It looked like he'd lost twenty pounds, which was a lot for him, since he was fairly small to begin with. As I stepped closer, I could tell that his skin was pale, almost ashy looking. Aside from all I'd seen so far, nothing compared to the look on his face.

His eyes were puffy and red, sunken in slightly with dark circles around them, and his face seemed gaunt, but with his new beard, it appeared to camouflage it, making it less severe. Aside from the physical changes he'd gone through since I'd last seen him, the emotional ones were what hit me the hardest.

His eyes begged me to take him away... away from the hell he was trapped inside. I knew how he felt, unable to get away from my own mind, always trapped by my thoughts. I'd never be able to escape the things I'd been forced to do, but knew he'd obviously been forced to do much worse, and to many more people.

A single tear fell from the corner of his eye when he saw me, but he didn't move or say a word. I stepped closer to his bed, staring at him, having no idea how I'd ever be able to help him, since it took everything I had just to help myself. There were so many times—times Amber didn't even know about—when I didn't think I'd be able to take the guilt anymore. It was my hands that killed Andrew and I'd be punished for it every day of my life, never able to forget how it felt to take his life and hold it in my hands while it slowly slipped away. There's nothing I could ever do to erase those memories. Not for me. Not for Erik.

His tears came faster, and as they did, he started to sing.

"No, not this again," I said, wanting to hold my hand over his mouth, never wanting to hear those words again.

"Crazy... Crazy...."

"Stop," I said through gritted teeth, trying to remain calm.

He was crying harder now. "I'm not. I'm not. I'm not," he repeated over and over, sounding as mad as I was.

"Erik, listen to me," I said, grabbing his arm, causing him to flinch. "Is it gone?" I glanced toward the door, but no one was there, the window empty. "Is it here? Is it gone? I need to know."

"I'll never be free," he whispered, snot and spit covering his lips. "It's gone, but I'll never be free."

I lowered my voice as I leaned on the railing of his bed. "What happened?" When the crying started back and he pulled his legs tighter to his chest, I patted his arm. "No, I don't want to know that stuff, Erik. That wasn't you. You have to keep telling yourself that."