Markiplier Imagines Collection

His Side

I've been listening to Ed Sheeran for about an hour now. I don't actually like him, it's just... His album was left behind at my house so I might as well just listen to it. There is just one song that I've been replaying continuously; every time it ends, I run to the kitchen to click the restart button on the CD player.

I slumped down on the sofa, I had just finished editing and uploading my latest video and this was she first time I had rested in 2 days. Not even five seconds had past before I suddenly stood back up.

I can't sit. I ran my hands furiously through my hair and began pacing around the living room. I looked at my hand, my knuckles were white and the skin around my nails, pulled and red. Nervous biting. As I reached one end of the room I quickly swung round and stopped. A strong exhale caught the attention of Ryan as he entered through the dining room arch way.

"You OK?" He asked cautiously
"No." I bluntly whispered. Ryan was quiet.
"You need to get out the house or something. Take Chica out." He said finally.
"Yeah.. Yeah, OK." I said after a pause. I couldn't concentrate enough to say any more, but I still couldn't stop working all day. I spent double the time editing just so I could fill all the empty silence in my room. I had to be occupied. If I wasn't doing something then my mind would just kept whirring, the same thoughts battling inside my head like a hurricane. It never relented, and I never rested.

When I picked up Chica's lead, it make the familiar clink sound that sent her running towards me, tail wagging.
"Hey Chica Pika." I said at an effort to sound happy. Failing that, I slipped Chica's lead on and left the house.
As I started walking out of the front garden, I suddenly heard silence. The song that I had been playing over and over had been stopped mid lyric and I was left staring back into the house, wanting it to start again. I knew it wouldn't, but I kept staring. Chica began pulling against her lead but I stayed stock still, afraid to leave the house so silent.

Start again. I willed.
Start again, please.
Please. Silence
"Please start again." I whispered, my voice weak and almost broken.
"I want to start again!" I suddenly cried out and collapsed on the floor. I tucked my head into my knees, my whole mind caving in, and I sobbed.
"I want to start again." I whimpered weakly through the tears striking down my face. My hands shook violently as they clasped my knees and every attempt at breathing was like a punch in the gut.
I felt a rough tongue graze my knee and I looked up to see Chica's worried face. I pulled her head to my chest and hugged her tight. She did not protest and leant her entire body into me.

I sat in the silence and sobbed.

My entire day was a build up to this break down; with what little sleep I have, as it is, on top of all of this, my world was falling apart and I was weak. Weak and stupid.
I heard the front door swing open and Ryan's feet pad over to me. He knelt down and placed a hand on my shoulder.
"Mark, come inside." He said softly and I nodded. I pulled Chica with me and fell back into a ball on the stairs. I swiped the tears from my cheeks and pressed my head into my hands. My breath was shaky and painful. Every inhale and exhaled pulling what little energy I had left, out of me.
Ryan leant against the stair banister and frowned.
"Come on man, this isn't like you." I stayed quiet, "You're fucking Markiplier! You don't need her." He half laughed in an effort to cheer me. I looked up and tried to smile but instead looked in pain and crash my face back into my hands.
"I don't even get what happened, man." Ryan admitted, "so I guess I'm not much help." I took a deep breath out to steady myself. It was true I hadn't told Ryan or Matt exactly what had happened but that was because I wasn't entirely sure either.

Less than a week ago, I was planning to move in with the most perfect person in the world, but today I spent the day sitting in my room, alone. I want to start again. I was an idiot.

I always forget how strange my life must seem to some people, how scary it must feel to be tossed into a world where millions of people want to know so much about you. I forgot that that was scary and I let the person I love most be scared away.

I want to start again.