unsteady // g.d. // completed

thirty one.

My heart feels like it's going to come up along with all the alcohol I drank yesterday. Airports were never a friend to anxiety disorders, but mix in a spontaneous get away trip as well, you're fucked. I looked down at the mixtape I had been given before I was left alone here. Van said he wrote it for me within the time I was sleeping on his bed while he was in his living room to the time I called and asked for a favor. I looked over the words scribbled on it over again while I waited to board the plane;
FOR GIA XX
TYRANTS
Never in my life would I ever think I'd be special enough for anyone to write songs about me in my lifetime, yet here I sat with two dedicated to me. It made feel like I mattered. The line slowly moves up after I tuck away the cd into my suitcase, making my nerves grow weary all over again. I almost think I'm hearing things as my name is called faintly then grows louder.
"What are you doing here?" My tone is mixed with angry and confused.
"Please," he pants, obviously had been running, "don't leave. I'll do anything. Please."
"George," I mumble as people start to turn to look at us. My face grows hot as he gets down on one knee.
"I'm begging you, Gia."
"Get up!"
People keep staring at us which makes me even more uncomfortable, and when I see a group of people laugh when I tell George to get up again I'm sure I look like a tomato.
"Sorry," George stands again, towering over me, "Gia, don't leave. I'm such a fuck up, but just know I-I have strong feelings towards you."
"George," I sigh, on the verge of tears from how embarrassed and frustrated and hurt I was, "I may not remember much from the night at Denise's but I do remember telling you I loved you. I told you I loved you and you couldn't even say something sincere back. Instead I got ignored for a week and you blew up on me, and later that evening I had to find out in the worst way that you cheated on me. Brandon knew. Fucking Brandon, and I didn't. I hope Olivia was worth it."
The line moves up again while he hesitates to move with it as I have. I'm sure he didn't know I even knew her name, let alone know I found out until today.
"I just get anxious when you're unhappy Gia, and she called, and we drank, I'm so fucking stupid."
He runs his hands over his face, and I look away once I realize he's on the verge of tears as well.
"We're not good for each other, G. Look at us."
"Why aren't you the first person to tell me this," his voice cracks slightly as we both stare straight ahead, avoiding each other's eyes.
"Because it's true," I sniffle.
"But we've had good times too," he almost whispers.
"I know. I've never felt so safe in a relationship."
"Gia," he whimpers softly, "Don't leave."
"I think we met at the wrong time. We have too much baggage. We're at a point in our lives where we're so unstable. Unsteady," I pause for a second, "I think it could've worked out if we weren't so...so-"
"Mad?" he finishes for me.
"Yeah..," I trail off as the line slightly moves again.
"So are you saying maybe we have a chance later on in life?" He looks over to me with red eyes that I can't bring myself to look into a second longer.
"Possibly, if we get our shit together."
We both solemnly laugh before growing quiet.
"I like your jacket by the way," I nod at his brand new looking leather jacket.
"I love it," he smiles, "I didn't even see you put this under the tree."
"Liz may have kept my presents safe so you wouldn't peek," I raise an eyebrow.
"Thank you," he laughs softly, "I'm sorry you didn't get your present but I'd doubt you want it now."
"What was it?" I ask as the line moves up a bit more.
"Two plane tickets to Paris. Just like I promised."
"I'm sure you and Matty will have a great time."
"Yeah," he softly laughs along with me.
I don't care to mention how badly my chest hurts.
"Gia!"
Our heads snap in the direction where Liz is running over, Ross and Adam far behind from her. She engulfs me into a hug, ignoring George's presence. She begins to cry into me, telling me how much she'll miss me. I see George slowly back away, and while Liz is still clung onto me, I see him turn back around from over her shoulder. Our eyes lock and he gives me a sad smile again that I return before he mouths the words, 'I love you,' before I mouth back, 'I love you too.'