Nox (The Marauders, Wolfstar, Jily)

8: sorry this took so long to update its back now with a p long chapter :) :)

Remus didn't really want to do this, especially with the moon being so close, and his life being generally one hell of a fucking mess, but, the thing was, he'd make a promise, and a promise was a promise, especially when it came to Lily Evans, who would most certainly follow up on that promise and ruin your life when you didn't follow through with it.

And of course, it wasn't like it was a bad thing to do, perhaps it was the good thing to do, but Remus was just tired, and fucked up, and had spent the last twenty hours having a seemingly incurable headache, and really, the last thing he wanted to do was go and push his friendship with Sirius any further by talking to Marlene about what they'd been doing, especially seeing as he and Sirius had barely just fixed things, but it wasn't an outrageous thing to do, and he had promised, and he really was in Lily's debt as she continued to turn a blind eye to the fact that he was absolutely the worst prefect to ever grace Hogwarts.

It was with this in mind that he found himself approaching Marlene after class. He didn't want to say that Marlene scared him, because she didn't, because when you've turned into a murderous werewolf every month since you were five, it sorts of distorts fear itself, and nothing else seems to even come close to it.

It's one of those things that Remus really didn't like about the whole werewolf thing. It's the fact that it has affected him, and it's the fact that it was evident, and it's the fact that the werewolf part of him inside really wasn't just something he could hide away inside himself and insist was entirely separate from the human Remus, because it wasn't,, it doesn't work like that, as much as he hated it, it doesn't; he's not a wolf at full moons, and a human for the rest of the month, he's a fucking werewolf, at all times.

Lily had once gone rambled on to him about self acceptance in second year - something about he should accept that he's a werewolf, yet that fact doesn't at all state that he's a bad person. But Lily didn't get it, because Lily was human, and Lily didn't quite see it all like Remus did, and she didn't quite know all he did: all the stories from his father, of magical creatures and werewolves in particular, and how they are, above all, looked down upon and held with distaste. And Lily didn't see the way people's faces shifted at the mention of the word 'werewolf', because Lily didn't spend such lessons on edge and on the verge of a panic attack, because this was all just a thing she didn't understand and didn't have to deal with.

But it was Lily, and she always meant well, and it wasn't her fault, it was just Remus' fucking fault for being so fucked up by the moon, for being in such a state that he was basically incapable of functioning and talking to people, and especially keeping promises.

Promises were important though, and Remus held that close to his chest. It was that which led him to actually bring himself to wait for Marlene, as much as she unnerved him, and had this knack of knowing more about him than he would regard with content, but, of course, Marlene was one of those people, that through it all, meant well. And she probably wasn't fucking Sirius. Probably. Hopefully.

Remus had maybe just let his feelings for Sirius overwhelm him again. It wasn't his fault. If it was fucking anyone's fault then it was Sirius', because Remus knew for sure that he wasn't the one walking around with that face, and those eyes, and that fucking smirk, and the dumbest fucking jokes, and his hair always in his eyes, and the stupidest ideas, but overall, the deepest care and concern for his friends.

So really, with Sirius being Sirius, he couldn't blame Marlene for fucking him or whatever, because Remus would happily leap at the opportunity, except he found that he would, because of course, his emotions were in all the wrong fucking places right now, and this was easily the worst time, but a promise was a promise, and that lay above all.

And at least, if Sirius and Marlene were fucking, then that was a solid slap in the face telling him to move on, and to some degree, maybe Remus needed that, because with the way things were going, Lily was looking more and more insistent that he actually came out to his friends, which seemed all fine in practice, but there was just... just... it would be like them finding out he was a werewolf all over again. Not the kind of thing he felt like he could just tell people, but the alternative of his friends walking in on him kissing a boy or something was hardly better, but he found himself determined to ignore it all and push it off as long as humanly possible, because he'd promised Lily to talk to Marlene about Sirius, not to sort his life out.