Things I Could Never Tell You

271, 272

271. 

September 23, 11:52 pm. 

Cameron told me he had to talk to me tomorrow. He kissed me gently and told me to never forget he loved me more than anything. I can't seem to close my eyes and sleep because the multiple deductions of what he may tell me take over my whole mind. And I don't know how to control it. 

a/n: i'm at the school computers and i should be studying because i don't know a effing part of the subject but i'm writing for u guys instead. i'm feeling sooo badass right now. wish me luck so the dude over here won't catch me. 

272. 

September 24, 7:31 pm. 

It's almost 8:00 pm. And since five in the afternoon I have been in my bed, with the windows closed, the door locked and trying to control my sobs. 

It took me at least 3 hours to control myself down. Cameron called me and told me to wait for him in the park. The same park in where he asked me to be his girlfriend. I dressed myself up and walked over to there. 

He was already there, sitting down in a bench and facing the floor. He had his hands in his pockets and he looked nervous. As soon as he saw me, he ran over to me and hugged me. It wasn't like most times. He was hugging me tighter than he ever head. 

"I love you so damn much," he whispered. 

"I love you too," I smiled at him. 

"We need to talk," He said and sat down once more. 

"So let's talk," I told him. 

He bit his lip and ran his hands through his hair. "We need a time out, Stephanie." He finally blurted out. 

My eyes widened almost automatically. "What? What are you even saying?" I asked him. 

"I think we need some time apart from each other," He said. 

I felt my eyes blurring up. "Cameron, are you crazy?" I said, my tone rising. 

"The truth is that I... I don't know if I can handle it," He muttered, facing the floor. 

"Handle what?" I asked. 

"This. Knowing that you love him and me at the same time. Knowing that you'll always be there for him no matter how much fucking shit he puts you through." He sighed. 

"Cameron, we already talked about this." My voice cracked. "You know that Tyler has been a big part of my life. You know that. And you know that no matter what, I'll be there for him. Because that's what friends do." I faced the floor. "We're just friends. You know that. You know that I'm with you." 

"You can be with me, but that doesn't mean you need me. That doesn't mean you ever needed me." He interjected. 

"Are you serious right now?" I screamed. "You were the one who was there for me. You! You were my anchor, Cameron. You were the only one who ever gave a damn about me." I snapped. 

He looked me right in the eyes and I could see that there was pain somewhere within them. "Maybe I was just meant to do the job as your mainstay and not be your anchor. Maybe that spot was taken a long time ago and I was the only idiot who didn't realize that." He said. 

"Don't be stupid, Cameron. You are the person I want to be with. You're the only one I want to be with." I protested. 

"I need to think for some time, S." He mumbled under his breath. "I need to organize the chaos in my mind." 

I nodded quietly. My eyes were already blurry from the tears. He gave a step closer to me and kissed me in the forehead. 

Cameron will always be my anchor. Even when you were supposed to be. Instead of maintaining me still, you were bringing me to the bottom of the sea. He was the one who brought me up to the surface again.