What Happens When You're a Monster

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-*Your POV*-

Cat Noir/Adrien walked you home by carrying you. You still had a killer headache, it's not like you're going to get completely taken over and then have a brawl inside yourself with an evil twin of yours and not come out expecting no injuries.
Your arms and legs ached too. But you didn't bother to tell Cat that because you knew he would start freaking out.
You didn't have your costume on, yet, you didn't feel weird with Cat carrying Y/n. To be honest, you were kind of glad that you didn't have to choose between Adrien and Cat. But something just wouldn't get out of your head...
"Cat? Can I ask you something?" You asked him, and he looked down at you, his green eyes ablaze.
"Just call me Adrien. And sure, fire away, Star."
"Is it t-true... Were you really seeing Marinette and Ladybug?" Was all you could manage to choke out. The question made Adrien stop in his tracks. His head whipped down to face you, his lips inches from yours, his breath warm. It used to be soothing and made you feel butterflies in your stomach, but now it just felt unwelcome and... Not trusted. You felt like you couldn't trust him because this might be true. And if it was true, then that means that he's been lying to you all this freaking time!
He didn't love you.
But then again, you never had figured he did. Your heart may be lost, captured in his black leather claws along with the razor and the map of where to stab your heart, but then again, it was nice to get a break from falling in love with fictional characters created by mind-blowing authors in extraordinary books that you'd read or actors from TV shows and movies or even cartoon characters or animated people made to look so realistic and act so charming that you couldn't help but plaster images of them all over your walls. But that was all over.
"I'm telling you this because I love you, Y/n. Yes, it's true. I was seeing Ladybug, but-"
"ADRIEN AGRESTE. Put me down. Right. Now." You practically growled. You couldn't believe this was happening. The one person who you had thought actually cared about you for once... Lied. They're all liars, you decided, and shoved out of Adrien's arms, planting your Sketchers tennis shoes on the wet pavement as the weather turned to a slight drizzle.
"Y/n, please, let me explain." Adrien whimpered, releasing his transformation. You stepped toward him, your fists clenching.
"No, Adrien. Let me explain. I told you how much I hate myself. I told you how much I wish I was someone else. I told you my life story. I thought you actually cared about me, that you weren't like all those other guys. But you're not. You're just like all of them. All of the people that I've ever met have pushed me around, called me names, and made me want to hurt myself a little more each and every day. But no, I kept going. Because I'm that STUPID and that STUBBORN. I actually thought that maybe if I kept waiting, my stupid knight in shining armor would eventually come around on a white horse and take me somewhere where I was finally away from all this self hate. And you know what? No one ever came. I became suicidal and my mother took me away to Paris, hoping that this would be a change and I would be happier. And guess what? I'm not. I'm not happy and I never will be. Me being Luna Moon is the only way that I can escape from the real world, the world that I'm in a constant battle with over if I deserve to live or if I should just drop dead. When I'm Luna Moon, I'm free. No one can tell me what to do, and no one can judge me. I have power. And don't you dare start thinking that I'm one of those type of girls who all they care about is power like your total BEYOTCH of a girlfriend, Adrien!" You were practically screaming at him. "And when I get in touch with Desirae, I'm someone else. And I'm so happy that I'm able to do that because that means that I don't have to sit around with myself. Because I hate myself, Adrien. I hate myself, so much. I hate what I've become, I hate who I am. I hate my life story, I hate the way I look, I hate my voice, I hate my character. I hate me. And do you know how hard it is to look at yourself in the mirror and go to school acting like your just his perfect little girl sent here from Italy who's still emotionally unstable and not wish you were someone else? I would give anything, Adrien, anything to be someone else other than me."
         You turned around, still talking. You couldn't bear to look him in the eyes.
  "You don't get it. And I don't believe anyone will ever know how much I've been through. How many sad songs I've listened to. How many times I've cried myself to sleep. How many times I've thought about just giving up. How many times I've tried to act strong, but I always fall down. The weight of all my problems and all of this... Mess that I'm in, I- I can't take it! I can't bear just watching everyone go about with their happy and perfect lives while I'm sitting here dying inside." You swirled around and pointed a finger at him, trying not to pay attention to his expression of sadness. "And you... Oh my dog, Adrien. I actually thought that you loved me. But you don't. It was all a lie wasn't it? You're just like all the other guys out there. You're just a jerk. You don't understand-"
           "Y/n L/n, I am in love with you. And I will do anything and I mean anything to get you to believe that. I may not understand all of what you've been through but I understand your pain. And you wishing you were someone else... It makes me feel really bad and desperate to save you from all this." Adrien pulled you to his chest, even though you were struggling a little bit.
           "But boys don't fall in love with sad girls..." You tried to reason.
      "Doesn't matter. If you're sad, or depressed, I want to help." Adrien rested his chin on the top of your head. It was starting to rain. All of a sudden, a realization hit you. You had to break this up now. The whole thing with Nightmare just proved that you were dangerous to everyone, the sadness and the anger inside of you... It had created itself into a person who tried to take over you.
           You weren't a person, you were a monster. The people of Paris, your mom, Adrien, they all wouldn't be safe around you. You jerked away from him, your wet hair slapping your shirt as you held your hands out in front of you.
          Adrien tried to reach for you again, but you leapt away. You tried not to notice the loom of pain behind his eyes.
          "Get away from me Adrien, I'm a monster."
          "No you're not, you're Y/n. The girl I'm in love with." Adrien didn't understand. Did you seriously have to spell it out for him?
          "Adrien. If I'm not a monster then explain to me how it's possible for all of the hate and anger and sadness in my heart picking itself up and forming into a person living inside me? A person with enough power to take out the entire world if she wanted to. I'm DANGEROUS, Adrien! How are you not seeing that?"
           "You're not dangerous. You're just scared." Adrien tried reasoning with you, and you knew that the only way to get him to stay away from you was to...
          "Adrien..." You whispered. "I-I..."
          "What? Y/n, tell me." Adrien came closer.
      "I... I can't..."
          "Can't what?"
         "I can't do this, Adrien!"
          "W-what?"
          "I'm breaking up with you." You heard your voice crack. Adrien's eyes shimmered with tears.
         "Why?"
         "I love you, Adrien." You smiled sadly, turning around, trying to calculate how fast you would have to run to get home before the storm became serious.
         "Then why are you doing this to me?" Adrien's voice was so lonely.
         "I-I'm sorry..." Those were the last words you said before you sprinted off into the night, dashing  through alleys and turning sharp corners. By the time you were at home your clothes were soaked and your hair was dripping water onto your already soaked face.
           You opened the door and tried to hold back a sob. You didn't want your mother to see you like this, but once you stepped inside, your mother was standing in the kitchen unpacking a bag of groceries. She smiled when she saw you.
           "Oh, honey! I have quite a story to tell you! So I was walking into the store to get a basket from the cart, right? And then this old lady, probably in her thirties came over and..." Your mother suddenly noticed a tear rolling down your cheek. She set down a loaf of bread and walked over, brushing your hair back. You lifted your eyes up to her, begging yourself not to cry.
             "Honey, are you okay?" She asked, and you couldn't help it. Everything was falling apart, and you were crumbling faster than Pompeii. Your life was slowly fading and no one seemed to notice. All you wanted right now was for someone to know that you weren't okay. And the only people who seemed to notice right now were your now ex-lover and your mom. And Adrien wasn't an option.
            "Mommy..." You sobbed as the tears streamed down your face. Your shoulders shook as the sobs exploded inside you. As you started falling, you realized how much you needed your mom. She pulled you close and cradled you back and forth as you sobbed and stroked your back, not even caring that you were totally ruining her silk blouse.
              "It's going to be all right, honey. Whatever it is, it will be over soon. Remember, the pain isn't going to last forever..." Your mother reassured you, and you buried your burning teary eyes deeper into her hair. 
          And you cried some more.

            And you cried some more

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