Recollection ★ Bucky Barnes

I'll Never Smile Again

The sound of a song playing lowly stirred Marlena from her sleep, her eyelids fluttering open as her vision adjusted to the bright lighting of the room. Her eyesight was also quite blurred as she stared at what she believed to be a ceiling, her whole body numb. At first she was unable to make out the lyrics of the song due to a faint, but annoying ringing in her ears. On top of it all, she felt groggy and confused—as if she had awoken from a dream, only to realize that it was a dream within another dream.

Why would Bucky be playing music so early, she thought, finally coming to the conclusion that the song was definitely from the old days.

"I'll never smile again
Until I smile at you
I'll never laugh again
What good would it do
For tears would fill my eyes
My heart would realize
That our romance is through
I'll never love again
I'm so in love with you. . ."

Marlena didn't recognize this specific song, however the lyrics were helping her clear her foggy mind. She remembered then—she remembered Bucky taking a bullet in the abdomen to save her—and she remembered watching him fall in a puddle of his own blood, slipping out of consciousness. She remembered Steve pulling her away from the chaos, and she remembered Tony injecting her with something and Steve catching her as she fell.

"Bucky," she managed to stutter out, barely audible, still feeling as if she was half-asleep.

She was in such a dazed, confused state that she wasn't even sure where she was. This isn't my room, she thought. She willed herself to sit up, but her body felt so heavy—it was frightening. She did, however, catch the attention of Steve, who had been dozing off every once in a while in the chair beside the bed she was laid in.

"Hm," Steve mumbled, sitting up in the chair, forcing his eyelids open, "Marlena, you're awake," he said hurriedly, leaning over and touching her shoulder. "How do you feel?"

"Where's Bucky?" Marlena asked faintly, her eyebrows pulling down worriedly.

"Mar, are you okay? How do you feel?" Steve asked again, only causing Marlena's worry to deepen, despite her lack of feeling elsewhere.

"Steve, tell me where Bucky is. Now." Marlena tried harder to sit up, hoping to get out of the bed.

However, Steve wasn't about to let that happen. He pressed against her shoulder gently, giving her a look that was telling her to stay put.

He shook his head, his hand leaving her shoulder, "You need rest. You can't leave this room."

His eyes flickered to her wrist where an IV was strapped to her arm. Her eyes followed his and she soon realized exactly why she couldn't leave the room.

"Get this out of me," she huffed, feeling as if the weight of the world was pressing down on her every time she tried to move.

"I'm sorry, but I can't let you take that out. It's the only thing keeping you sane right now," Steve admitted, watching her closely with concerned, baby blue eyes.

"I don't understand," she shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut as she tried to make sense of it all, "Where is Bucky? Is he–is he d-dead?"

"No, no he's not. But you should know," Steve exhaled a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, "he's not conscious right now. He's in surgery; they drugged him with a lot of anesthetics."