I'm Straight I Swear!? (BoyxBoy)

19- Ruby Tuesday

Mason's POV      

 It was Tuesday morning, and I still hadn't talked to Colin. At first, it seemed like a blessing to have a certain degree of space between him and I, but as the clock continued to move forward and the hours passed, the silence became increasingly claustrophobic. There was too much room in my mind for the thoughts I had tried to quiet to rise up, pounding against my skull in an effort to be heard. Matthews face was burnt like a flame into the backs of my eyelids, his voice could be heard echoing in my ears "You betrayed me" he whispered.      

 I didn't know what to do, where my allegiances lied. Colin had completely and thoroughly ruined my life taking away the only thing that had ever mattered to me, and replacing it with his arrogant yet timid smile. As if all his confidence were merely a front, as if by presenting this image of a popular American Golden Boy he could hide the vulnerability and insecurities that plagued him. And me? I fell for it all. I began to see him as human rather than the man who murdered Matthew. I began to hear his words rather than see his actions, Hell, I even started to forget what he had done.  

     Honestly, I wish he would just disappear, but then Matthew's face comes back, and all I can picture is what Colin had done to it, how he had mutilated his precious smile and button nose into an unrecognizable corpse, and I can't help but feel that to simply disappear would be too easy. When I get into that state of mind, where all that matters is getting justice for Matthew, anything and everything seems to kind. After all what is a life behind bars when you can still breathe, eat, even see those who still cling to the hope that maybe you're not as bad as they claim?      

 But then, fuck, I like him too. Once I stopped treating him like he was less than human, and allowed myself to get close, I began to see the little things about Colin Jane that made what he did seem almost out of character, as though it had been someone else to have committed the crime. That's the thing, that's where he got me, because he was actually kind of sweet, and I knew, I knew that if I could only manage to overlook what he had done, what he had taken, I could probably give my heart to him.      

 Too bad, he had to be the one to shatter it.      

 Still, I missed him. The time apart gave me the ability to properly analyze how I felt, and even though my own emotions were so conflicted that they proved to be an impossible knot. I managed to at least decipher my own longing for his presence. If nothing else, I wanted to at least see him again. But, I hadn't a clue of where to look. I don't even remember getting his number and if I did it was certainly lost by now. And as for where he lived? I never had any desire to go and visit so addresses hadn't really mattered. The only connection I had to him was through his friend Joey, who I noticed was getting quite friendly with Chase, and well, knowing Chase they had likely headed back to his place to continue the party. And Chase;s number and address I did have.

       Changing into another pair of pants I started out for Chase's place, hoping that he had at least had half a mind to get Joey's number. It wasn't like he was too far from me, although I could have called, but my own house had begun to seem so small and I needed to get out, I needed to get away from the ghosts haunting the walls.      

 "Hey" I greeted when he opened the door "I was wondering if you had Joey's number on you?"

       His gaze froze "Try the trash"      

 "Did something happen?" I asked, as I walked inside.      

 "Yeah the bastard started going on about how it wasn't Colin's fault what happened to Matthew" I raised an eyebrow.      

 "And that was surprising to you?"    

   "No, but then he had the audacity to get mad at me, as if Colin deserved to have my fucking pity" he spit back.