"We Are Just Friends"

" pauline "

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*one week later*

I swallowed spit and took a deep breath while day dreaming outside of my windshield.

"Damn."

I thought to myself.

This is real.

Pauline is dead.

She's gone forever.

A man is left without a wife.

A son is left without a mother.

A mother is left without a child.

I folded my lips and closed my eyes. This is truly heartbreaking. This memorial will be truly sad I just know it.

"Ready baby?"

Dorian asked while clasping his fingers on mines.

I sighed and nodded.

"No I'll meet you inside. Can you save me a seat?"

"I don't want to leave you alone."

He whined.

"Dorian I'll be fine I just want to be alone for a moment ok?"

I said softly while reaching for his face with my hand.

He sighed and gave in.

He leaned forward and gave me a kiss. I pulled away and looked down.

"I'll be waiting ok?"

I nodded and kept my eyes lowered.

He left the vehicle and went inside the church. I sighed and ran my fingers in my curls.

I'm so irritable. I have so much guilt built up inside of me, that it has me thinking I shouldn't be here. I wasn't there for her when she wanted me around. I gave her nothing but poor excuses because I wanted to grant Michaels wish. 

I don't feel like I appreciated her enough for her damn near saving my life because I shut her out. I listened to everyone else besides myself.

I could've pursued a friendship with my ex's wife, right?

I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

Who am I kidding? No I couldn't.

I have too much of a conscience to not have a care in the world. That would've bothered me pursuing a friendship without truth.

Sort of like my relationship with Dorian there isn't truth in it. He still doesn't know about Michael. Because I haven't brought myself to tell him. I simply can't. I don't have any time for foolishness.

It was a horrible experience with Anthony and I don't need to revisit the matter again at least not with Dorian. I care too much about him.

I can't do it. I can't be here. Maybe I should go.

I gasped at a white dove that sat on my side mirror. He began cooing and looking at me. My eyes watered as I held my hand over my chest.