babydoll † lashton

[2.4-Luke]

I was breathing heavily, staring at Ashton's mum to see if she knew what happened. Or if he was playing some kind of sick joke on me. All she did was shake her head as if she read my mind; she doesn't know how it happened. I look at his younger siblings, Lauren had a worried look on her face; her brown eyes filled with tears because of her older brother. Harry was scared to death for his only male role model; tears continuously roll down his face as Lauren was holding him.

I heard footsteps to see that mum came into the room."What are you doing here?"I quietly ask her.

"Anne gave me the call, it was very important for me to be there for you and Ashton." she tells me."Have you gotten any updates Anne?" she asks her.

"Nope, I'm just worried about my baby. I hope he's okay." she sighs, her eyes flicker with sadness as tears began to brim them.

What felt like hours as I was sitting on the floor, with my knees up to my chest and my arms wrapping them closer. My eyes glued to the white tiled floor, there was a few conversation switches between our mothers.

I really want Ashton to be okay; I want to hug him and kiss his lips one more time. I slowly start rocking back and forth at the bad thoughts that were going through my mind. I felt my body tremble a little in fear because I don't know what would happen to him.
I wouldn't know what to do with myself if he was taken away from me. I can't stand being alone again, I would just run and never return. Which was the plan with Ashton, but we are here.

Please stay strong babydoll, I really want you to be here next to me. I want to kiss your pretty face and hold you tight. I wouldn't know what to do without you if you were taken away from me. Just please, don't give up.

I anxiously stare at the floor as I start rocking back and forth.

Just stay strong, for me, your mother–hell your siblings as well!

Several hours had passed, the doctor informed us of what happened. Ashton was crossing the street, the driver was distracted from being on his phone and he ran into Ashton.

"Right now we are doing everything we can."I heard the doctor inform.

"Please, I want to see my baby!"Anne cried but the doctor refused to let her back there. He was placed in a special room and they don't allow people back there—not even family; which I think is bullshit.

The five of us were waiting impatiently in the waiting room, scared as hell for Ashton's life at the moment. I looked up for the first time in hours to see that his brother was slowly falling asleep on Lauren's shoulder, but is too anxious to know what's going on with Ashton.

Mum had bought me a bottle of water, I didn't bother drinking out of it. I didn't want to let it go to waste, I went ahead to take a big drink from it. The white tiled floor is my best friend at the moment since all I can do is stare at it and hope that Ashton survives.

He is all I have, the only reason I wake up every day with a smile. Without him, what would I do with myself? I can never love anyone else like I love Ashton.

I fiddle with my lip ring as I continue to rock back in forth. I'd never been more anxious about anything in my life, usually, I take matter into my own hands—this time is different.

An hour later, I heard the footsteps echoing down the hall and into the room that held the five of us. My heart was beating so fast, it felt like it was beating extremely slow.

I cautiously sat up for the first time that night, my thighs shaking since I haven't used them. All eyes were laid on the doctor; his face was emotionless, so none of us can predict what he's going to tell us. It could be news that we've been dying to hear all night; or news that we're going to dread for the rest of our lives.

The doctor looks down at his clipboard and inhaled deeply. My heart was pounding so fast if the speed increased by a little; my heart would fall onto the floor.

"How's Ashton? Did he survive the surgery?!"Anne cried to the doctor.

All he did was give her a look of sympathy before responding,"Your son did not survive the surgery. I'm so sorry Ms. Irwin, we tried everything we could to keep him alive. It was all too much for his body."

I look over at mum to see her cover her mouth and tears stream down her face.

"N-No! You are lying to us!"Harry exclaimed to the doctor, it was the first time I heard him speak all night.

"I'm afraid not."

It was like all four walls were closing in on me, it felt like all the oxygen from my chest was slowly fading away as my breathing became difficult. I slowly fall my knees and stare at the floor once again.

I would usually fight back on my tears, but this time I didn't. I let it all out as I tried to control my anger since I didn't want to scare his siblings. It was difficult since I have a quick temper, I angrily got up and punched the wall; not even caring if I left a dint.

After doing that once or twice, I slide down the wall and started crying for the first time in months. In my blurred vision, the three of them were in a group hug; I could hear their loud sobs. Mum was standing there, tears streaming down her face, watching everyone around her in such a mess.

She quickly went over to me and tried to comfort me.

"It's not okay mum! I lost a guy that I cared deeply about! I love him and now he's gone! What am I supposed to do now? What am I going to do without Ashton by my side?"I practically scream at her.

She shushes me and went to engulf me in a hug. I wanted to scream to the top of my lungs, but I let Anne and Lauren's ululating comfort me.

"I had loved a person with all my heart, and now he's taken away from me."I quietly tell myself, knowing I will never get to interact with Ashton ever again.