#6

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SIX

'Eventually, all things fall into place. Until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moments, and know everything happens for a reason.'– Albert Schweitzer

"You can't carry on like this anymore, you're killing yourself, Eva."

I stare at Charlotte for a long time. Pain is subjective to everyone except the one feeling it. And I don't know how to stop feeling it. For the last year, I feel as if I have been on a never-ending soul-crashing wave. The kind that hurtles you back, knocks out all the breath from your lungs and makes your body imagine it's drowning. From losing Luke to finding out I am being forced to participate in some backwater barbaric ritual from the Middle Ages all to be paraded around like an animal in hopes someone I loathe will marry me. I am done with this life. I am done with being forced into decisions that are not my own.

My cousin sits at the end of my bed, her dog asleep on her lap and her manicured fingers run through his fur. She's got that look about her that makes me think she is waiting for me to break. As if she thinks she could catch me when I finally fall.

"I'm fine," I say after what feels like forever. "It is what it is."

Charlotte looks at me defiantly, a strand of her strawberry blonde hair falling over her eyes. "No, you're deflecting. You are hurt and you're angry and that's fine but I'm not going to sit here and watch you wallow anymore. You've spent a better part of a year in a depressive state with Luke and I'm sick of you feeling sorry for yourself. So what you have to contribute, nobody is forcing you to marry him."

"The money—"

"Will be found somewhere. From what you told me; your father has only asked you to play your role in this. He's only asked you to play the game, Eva."

"I know my father, playing the game won't be enough for him. He wants...he needs this alliance to continue and me marrying James will do that."

"I am only telling this to you because I love you," Charlotte's eyes bore into mine. "But you need to snap out of it. The situation is less than ideal but you and I both know James Prescott is not going to choose you as his bride. Neither of you has been able to be in a room together since you were fifteen and I am sure this is just a formality. Instead, you should be thinking of all the ways you can help him out so he packs his shit up and flies back to his own country."

I don't know what to say to her – because she's right. The sooner James finds somebody to marry, the sooner the Prescott's will leave.

Instead, I purse my lips and try not to smile. "You know, you could have sugar coated that a little,"

Charlotte's face breaks out into a grin. "But the truth is much more interesting."

**

Unsurprisingly, I find myself consumed with my earlier conversation with Charlotte that I cannot sleep. I toss and turn, scroll through my phone and try to read my book but nothing makes my eyes grow heavy. I check my phone again. One in the morning.

Before I can think any better of it, I toss the covers off and leave my room, startling the guard posted down the hall. He watches me from his post by the stairs but says nothing as I make my way down the stairs and towards the kitchens.

A large chest freezer stands at the very back, tucked against a wall. I make my way towards it without turning on the light and pull up the handle, letting the freezer light illuminate my small shadow. I root around for a while, moving around the prepared food and dig out a tub of Ben and Jerry's so far back in the freezer I'm unsure it is even in date.

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