Chosen // loki laufeyson

Chapter Sixty One

Chapter Sixty One

Lienna

I woke with a start, feeling a phantom pain in my throat. I gasped for air, my chest heaving as I sat up in a panic. My fingers traced the scar gingerly as I tried to will the crushing pain away. Slowly, it disappeared, and my attention turned from the pain to the empty space in the bed next to me.

My breathing was still labored despite the lack of danger, and I started to realize that it was because of a lack of something else.

I wanted to be angry, to be furious that I had been left alone again, but instead all I felt was a deep, heavy sorrow. I had hoped that after we had fallen asleep in each other's arms that all would suddenly be well again, as if nothing had ever happened between us. The harsh emptiness of our room informed me otherwise. I squeezed my eyes shut, rubbing my face with the palms of my hands. Please, Loki. Just let me in.

The silence was enough for me to know that he was hiding himself at the least, and I swallowed down the heartbreak in order to convince myself to get out of bed. I opened the door to the closet, running my fingers over one of his silky emerald shirts. I was tempted for a moment to just wear one, to bring myself closer to him, perhaps mend whatever it was between us symbolically. But instead I opted for a black tunic, black leggings, black boots. A black glove on the hand that wasn't real, black wedding band on the hand that was. It felt awfully dark, but any other color felt so wrong in the moment. My heart longed for it to be that emerald green, but I was not sure I could bring myself to do it.

I did not check my reflection in the mirror before I left. Asgard would see me in whatever state I was in, and Asgard would leave me alone. Loki would see me in whatever state I was in, and I would not leave him alone.

As I stepped quietly out of the room, I paused. I closed my eyes, reaching out for the familiar sensation of him. I breathed deeply, focusing every fiber of my being on him. For a moment, I felt nothing.

But then I felt him. Out in the garden where we met the day before. And I felt him so strongly that suddenly there was a metallic taste in my mouth and I opened my eyes to find myself standing in the garden. The air was sickly sweet with the smells of springtime, and I found myself angry again that the setting didn't match my mood. I was standing a short distance behind where he sat on a bench, shoulders slumped and hands gripping the edge. I started to wonder if he knew I was there, but a second glance showed me he did not.

His skin was blue, and where his hands clenched the marble of the bench were familiar patterns of frost. I recognized now the sharp cold of the air surrounding us. He was upset, and for a moment my heart didn't seem to beat.

Tears stung at my eyes and I wanted to call out his name and run up to him and-

I didn't know what I wanted to do to him, but seeing him like this tore me up inside. Then I realized I just wanted to help him. There was something that ran deeper than I understood right now, something he could not and would not forgive himself for despite my pleas for him to come back to me, physically and emotionally.

I started to cry, as silently as I could so as to not disturb him. There was an ache in my heart, a longing for him that echoed throughout my mind and body. I was chosen for this man, and I had chosen him myself, time and time again.

When I had tasted the sweetness of a hero's end, I still chose Loki. When I was offered my family once more, I chose the little family I had with Loki. And every choice I made that ended with Loki, I made because every last bit of my soul was chosen to love him.

As I stood in the garden watching my Loki, I chose once again. I made the choice to love him fully and completely, as I had when I told him I loved him the very first time. As I had when I told him I would marry him, as I married him, as I chose living once again because it meant living with him.