bipolar boy » namjin [letters]

dear Namjoon,

dear Namjoon,

it's me Seokjin, I'm writing you this letter even if we don't know each other. There's no name nor address on the envelope but for some reason I'm sure you'll get this message.
It hurts that you are gone and even if I don't know you, I miss you somehow. Strange, right?

I often imagine that your wings suit you well and again I'm tearing up.

It hurts to know that you are not here and tears are about to fall while I'm writing this letter.

Enough about me: Are you happy there? Are you happy now? How is it there? Do you have a lot of friends now? I'm asking because sometimes I'm dreaming about you.
How is it to sleep on clouds? Is it comfortable for you?

So many stars are shining from far far away but you are a little bit closer to them, I hope they are keeping you warm.
Sometimes I look up to the sky and see you, how you look at me over the edges of the clouds and smile brightly as if you wanted to say "hey come here and catch me!"
But I'm so sorry but I can't - I still have to do something here, but as soon as I'm finish, I'll come and then everything will be okay.

If you were here, we would have a lot of fun, we could walk around the city, go drinking coffee or do something you used to like. We could go bungee jumping, you told me that you really liked it.
I would make a fool out of myself and you would laugh at me brightly. I would buy you small presents which would make you smile. I would take you to so many places, show you around, show you my world.

We would spent so much time together, do so many exciting things or just lie in my bed or under the nightlights, counting the stars like some fools but we would still be happy.

I would fall asleep after you do and woke up before you do, so I wouldn't miss any second of your life.

A twisted world.

Every moment would be a present and I wouldn't be what I am, I would finally be a human again.
If, If, If, yes if then would be and could be but it's not and so the only thing I could do is to keep going and fighting, thinking about you, how you are feeling, imagining how you are laughing, playing, flying and how you are protecting me but I should be the one protecting you!

You were such a broken human, a lost soul who was searching for love and I was the blind fool who hadn't seen you, beautiful human being, your perfection, a broken mirror which I could have fixed, if I hadn't been so blind.

Everything is twisted, I should be the one protecting you and that's why I'll be coming to take you in my arms and hug you and never let you go - I'll give you my soul.

I still have to do something here, but as soon as I'm finish, I'll come and then everything will be okay.

I promise. Everything will be okay, just wait a little bit. We will be together and I won't leave you.

I'm sorry, Namjoon. I'm sorry for not loving you earlier.

23th of March 2017