Stand Up Tall

I'm Not Okay (I Promise) Chapter 5

Chapter 5.

Autumn.

I closed my math book and sighed. Finally, done.

After stuffing all of my books back into my backpack, I plopped down onto my bed. This was the first time I had actually gotten to relax all day.

I had a feeling I was not going to like highschool.

The rest of that night was pretty boring. I went downstairs and ate dinner with my parents, and then came back to my bedroom and blasting my iPod on full volume as I sat on my floor. Why I sat on my floor, I had no idea.

I shut off my light and layed down in my bed, staring up at the ceiling. Today was probably the worst day I've had in a long time.

I tried shutting my eyes and falling asleep, but I just couldn't. I wasn't going to be able to sleep that night, I realized.

My phone buzzed from on my nightstand, I rolled over and picked it up.

"Hello?" I asked, my voice cracking.

"Hey." Eli said on the other line.

I cleared my throat.

"Now, before you go all balistic on me, I want to explain." he hesitated, "I got a detention."

I sat up. Eli was not the kind of person to get a detention. "For what?"

"For, umm..." he paused.

"Tell me!" I said.

"For kissing someone. In front of a teacher."

I laughed a little, but not out loud. And then I stopped. He kissed someone? "Who?" I asked.

"Well this is the part you won't like." he said.

I already heard the part I didn't like, I said to myself.

"Brianna." he said.

I gasped. "You're joking."

"I'm sorry. I know you're history with her..."

"Wait." I said. "Brianna's the one that you were texting this morning? And then you KISSED her?" I couldn't believe it.

Brianna Steel. My best friend since 2nd grade. Well, ex-best friend now. She had started talking behind my back in 6th grade, saying nasty things about me and how I "changed", when I started listening to rock music instead of Justin Bieber, which I was forced to listen to around her.

"I'm sorry." he repeated.

"Are you guys dating?!" I asked.

"I don't know, Autumn..." he said.

"Well if you do start dating she's not going to let you hang out with me anymore!" I said, angry.

"You don't know that." he said.

"I certainly do know that!"

He was silent.

"Whatever Eli. Go fuck any girl you want. I don't fucking care anymore." I said, throwing my phone at my closet door.

I put my head in my hands, tears stinging my eyes.

I realized it wasn't just because it was Brianna. It was because...I was jealous.

"No." I said into the darkness of my bedroom. "I do not love Eli."

I laughed at myself for talking out loud when absolutely nobody could hear me.

I laid back down on my bed. Maybe now I could get some sleep.

Averielle.

"Wake up!" Jake said, banging as hard as he could on my bedroom door.