SidePack and friends One Shots

He Makes Me So Happy

Vikk's POV

I hated being here. Everyone judges me. But I can't say anything back to them. People will say shit. But I can't retaliate. That's not me. I just have to smile. And let people think I'm ok. Josh never believes me though. He tries so hard to make me smile every day. He tries so hard to make me happy. And yet again. I just fake it. It's so easy. Why do they even bother trying to do anything for me. I feel like I'm stuck in a hole. And every day I wake up and it just get's deeper. I can't get myself out. No matter how much I try. I just wish I could wake up suddenly and everything would be ok. But I know it won't. I looked up from my bed and saw Skype was going off. I could see it was from the rest of the Pack. I really. Didn't want to. But I guess when YouTube calls. You kind of have to answer the fucking thing. I got up out of my bed and walked over to my chair. Taking a seat. I moved the mouse and hovered over the green pick up icon. Should I answer it? I mean. I don't really have a choice do I? But I really didn't want to. It's not that I don't like what I'm doing any more. I just. I'm over the shit I get. I try so hard. Every single day. To do as much as I can. To make everyone happy. Make sure my audio is perfect. That it is always fun to watch. That I would watch again if given the chance. But it never stopped. I need to sleep. But I promised Preston and Rob I'd do a video with them. Why would I do such a stupid thing. Fuck it. Here we go.

Vikk: "Hey guys."

Rob: "Hey Vikk. Are you ok?"

Vikk: "Yeah Fine. What's up?"

Everyone except for Lachlan was in the call. That would be right wouldn't it? Out of everyone in this world. I could possibly fall in love with. It had to be that fucking blonde haired. Blue eyed. Gorgeous giant of a man. His voice has that softness that could make anyone swoon. His laugh could cure fucking cancer. And I would still be sitting here. In my room. Wishing and praying that I could just be with him all the time. Have him hold me in his arms. And tell me that everything would be ok. But no. The world gave me a middle finger and he had to be from Australia. His accent. Oh my god his accent though. I could never get tired of hearing him talk.

Preston: "Vikk..."

Rob: "I'm scared for him."

Preston: "So am I. Maybe we should post pone this. Let him get some rest."

Vikk: "Sorry. I'm here. Just wasn't paying attention."

Jerome: "We can tell. Your spacing out a lot more often now. Vikk you need to talk to us. Or the SideMen. Just. We do love you Vikk. Your one of our best friends. And we do care about you."

Mitch: "Seeing you look off and space out. It sucks. And we can't stop you from doing it. I won't lie dude. I think you should take a break for a little bit."

Vikk: "Mitch what the fuck I can't do that. You know I can't do that. Why the hell would you even suggest that?"

Rob: "Vikk first of all you need to breathe. We are just worried about you. We want to help in any way we can."

Vikk: "You can't help me. No one can help me. I can't keep doing this. It hurts so much."

I felt the tears start to fall across my cheeks. Cascading down my mocha skin. I always tried to make sure no one ever saw me cry. No one ever knew anything was wrong. But I couldn't.

Vikk: "I need him. I need to. I want. Guys I'm scared. Why him? Out of everyone why him. He isn't even gay. I don't understand why my head would make me do this. It's not fair. I know in my head. That I'm being stupid. I know in my head it is completely irrational, Illogical. There is no real point to It. I know I'm just being ridiculous. That there is no way in hell I could be happy. That how I feel towards him. He makes me so nervous. He makes me blush all the time. His words, His laugh. I can't help but lose myself around him. I feel like I'm not me. He changes me for the better. I'm always smiling. I'm always happy. I'm always... Coy. And I don't understand why. Because I know it's pathetic. But I can't stop it. I can't stop the way I feel. I don't want to stop the way I feel. He makes me so happy. And he makes it easier to deal with all the shit that happens.

Rob: "Look Vikk it's really late for him. I think it's about 5 am for him isn't it? It's natural he would be asleep right now."

Mitch: "It's also normal to feel that way around someone you love. Your brain can't decide who you do and don't fall in love with."

Jerome: "Your heart feels for the person who makes you the happiest. I've always believed in love at first sight. And from the start you could tell. The both of you are different when you talk together. When recording. It's the most adorable fucking thing I've ever seen.

Vikk: "But..."

Preston: "Look Vikk. We all love you and care for you. I'm sure the boys all feel the same way. I know it's impossible for you to wake up and instantly be happy. Free of all feelings. It's not possible to just turn yourself off like that. I know it's hard. But what can you do?"

Vikk: "What if. I just told him to hate me? What If I ignored him completely? Like. I just stopped talking to him. Would it eventually be easier to deal with these emotions I have in my head? Would it be easier to get over this stupid delusion. Please. I can't do this any more. For years I have felt like this. How have I been able to go for so long?"

Josh: "Because you haven't thought about it like this before."

I looked up at the screen and saw all 6 SideMen staring at me. Both Ethan and Tobi looked upset. Harry and JJ looked on the verge of tears. Simon looked shocked. While Josh just. He looked. Empathetic. As if he tried so hard to understand what I was feeling.

Vikk: "When did?"

Rob: "I did. Vikk in this call alone. You have ten people that would drop everything in a heart beat to help you. Your like a brother to us. Your family."

Ethan: "I know it's hard to sit there and say no one loves you or no one wants to help you."

Harry: "You never told us. Vikk you need to understand."

JJ: "We may not know what's going on in your head. And to be honest. I don't think I want to know what goes on in your head sometimes."

Tobi: "Understand that unless you tell us what's going on. Or unless you trust us that you are ok. We can't do anything to help you."

Simon: "Your always smiling. Your always cheerful and happy. We would have never known that you were like this because you have your walls built so fucking high."

Josh: "Vikk please. I notice everything. The way you bite your lip when your scared. The moment you shut people out. Or the instant you start to think. That's when I get scared. I'm always scared that you will do something stupid. But it's a normal thing to be afraid of."

I had tears streaming down my face. I couldn't help but sob. I tried so hard. So much to keep it all in. To not have anyone worry about me. And it hurt so much. To not have him here. I know. My friends. My family they are all here. I love them so much. But they can't do what Lachlan can. They can't say what he can say. And they can't help. In any way. I slowly started to sit up in my chair. I had my head resting on my knees. That I had pulled up into a fetal position. I looked up at everyone and saw them all staring at me. Some with tears in their eyes. Some just worried. Or scared.

Vikk: "I can't keep doing this. He would hate me if I told him I loved him. He would push me away regardless. I just want to be happy."

I felt my chair get spun quickly and I almost lost position. I started to fall backwards before being pulled upwards. My lips connecting with something. I didn't click in to what was going on. But my eyes closed out of instinct. It felt so right. It felt like I had wanted to do that for so long. I heard typing before the call ended. Soft hands cupped my cheeks as they worked to wipe away my fallen tears. Parting from him. I looked up and instantly my eyes locked with a pair as blue as the ocean. His hair golden like his sunburnt country. The most beautiful man I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. Of working with.

Lachlan: "Vikk. If you felt that way about me for so long. I wish you had told me."

I started sobbing again. Tears falling. I couldn't believe he was here.

Vikk: "How? When? I'm scared. I was so scared."

He pulled me in again. His lips against my own. Though shorter this time. But the feeling inside of me never faltered. I felt so hot. I felt like I had years of energy. I could feel my mind changing. He broke apart.

Lachlan: "I have spent these past years worrying. Being so scared about you. You do so much. And you always seem so unhappy. So upset. And it hurt me so much seeing you like that. Vikk I've wanted to do that. For so long. You have no idea how much I love you."