Chapter 13: Moving On And goodbyes

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A/n first I can't believe I got 1 thousand reads!!!! That was such a big mile stone for me, so thank you. Enjoy this chapter! Just so you know this is the only boy she will be interested in for the rest of the book. Just letting you know.

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*homecoming morning*

After Taylor asked me to homecoming I was a ball of nerves for the rest of the week. I am always bouncing my foot.

I haven't visited my sister grave since everything happened. I know that I should and I miss talking to her. I just wish she could be here with me.

I think I may leave school during lunch to visit her. I know that I need to. I also know that she wants me to stop blaming myself. That's hard though since I was in the same car and accident as her.

I get dressed in a pair of dark skinny jeans and a black lace top. I wear a black wrap bra underneath and put on a couple brackets on my wrists. I also straighten my hair really quick.

I grab my phone, book bag, and my duffle bag with my football stuff in it. I look around my room just to make sure I have everything I need throughout the day. I walk down stairs and look through the closet for a pair of shoes. I decide on casual black wedges.

I walk into the kitchen and sit at the table. "How'd you sleep mom?" I inquire.

My mom smiles and looks at me for a second before turning back to the food she's making.

"I slept great how about you, honey?" My mom asks steal a glance at me.

"I slept well, I was thinking about visiting A's grave today."

My mom completely forgets about the food that will most likely be burnt, she looks at me and has a look of shock and confusion.

"I thought you didn't want to go to dig up the past?"

I give her a small smile.

"I did.... I think it's time to though."

I look her and recite a poem.

"When the wind blows, time goes with it,

Every Time a leave falls, the more Sun can

Shine through,

There's pain, but strength within,

Your heart beats, stomach with knots the size of a zoo,

Hurdles to jump, forgiveness for sins,

Old and young all the same."

She smiles.

"A, wrote that didn't she?"

I smile and frown at the same time.

"Yeah,"

She looks in thought before turning back to the food, she stays quiet for a minute.

"If you're ready then so be it. I think it'll be good for you."

My mom smiles and wipes away the tear that stream down her face. She had been begging me to visit her since the accident. I didn't want to, I was worried I would break more then I already did. I need to tell her the things I didn't when she was alive and here with me.

*at school, class right before lunch*

I haven't been paying attention to the lesson at all. The only thing I've been doing was listen to the ticking of the clock hung above the doorway. There's only five more minutes until the end of class, until I'm off to see my sister.

I don't know if I'm more nervous about the fact that I'm seeing her after such a long time or that things won't be the same. I'll just have to suck it up.

Bring. Bring. Brrriiingg!

I grab all of my things that were previously on top of my desk and put them inside of my bag. I slowly stand up and walk out of the door not paying attention to anything but walking to my car.

When I get to my car I turn it on and drive to the closest flower shop. The name of the flower shop is Daisies and More. I park my truck and walk up to the entrance. I grab the door handle and I walk to the part of the store where they have the tulips and lilies. I get 6 lilies and 6 tulips. I don't know what color to pick so I get one of each. The total cost is $18.

"Thank you for the flowers" I say to the cashier while I'm walking out the door.

I get in my truck and set the flowers onto of the passage side seat. The engine rumbles as I reverse out of the parking spot and pull onto the road that leads to the grave yard. It takes about 10 minutes to get to the grave yard.

A always wanted to go to the college that's down the street from the graveyard so we buried her here. Visiting wouldn't have been a problem because we could use the plane but I was just never ready for that big step.

I turn on the radio at a stoplight and start to think about the homecoming game and homecoming in general. I'm really excited.

The light turn green and I drive down the street until there's a sign that say "cold meadows graveyard". I turn into the parking lot and then turn of the car. I take 5 deep breaths and grab the flowers from the passenger seat.

I'm walking all around the grave yard. It's nice enough. About half way through the main path I see a gravestone with my sister's name on it.

Walking over I see that the stone reads "a loving sister and daughter, the world was graced with her."

I set the flowers next to her gravestone and sit down looking at it.

"You know, I'm forgetting what your voice sounds like. I try hard every day to hold on to it. It's just so hard. It's not fair. I miss you. You could have been such a good doctor. I don't get why it was you. It should have been me, I was driving."

Tears are falling down my face, I let them, and I wouldn't be able to stop them even if I tried.

"I hope you still like tulips and lilies, I got you some. Are you okay? Are you happy? I'm going to homecoming today, I'm playing in the game to my leg is a lot better and I'm still in my prime. I can't believe that you've been gone for so long. I miss you, a lot. Mom misses you too. I'm going to have to visit dad soon. I don't want to. I know you'd say you have to forgive, you don't have to forget. I don't know how I can forgive him though. He was too busy with work to answer the phone when we were in the accident, all you wanted to do was say goodbye. He ignored us though, How is that fair?! I don't understand! All you wanted to do was say goodbye, he wasn't even working that cheating monster. I don't understand how he gets away with it."

i stand up and walk over to her gravestone and lean against it when I sit down.

"I really hope you're happy where ever you are. I miss you but if you're happy it's worth it."

"I'll comeback soon," I stand up and dust off my butt. "Until next time."

I kiss my hand and then put my hand against her gravestone. I get in my truck and drive back to school feeling a bunch of different emotions.

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A/n sorry for making it so emotional.

Love you all.

Tell me if you want more or less emotional parts.

Hope this chapter cleared up some of the questions about her past.

Until next time!

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