Lana Parrilla Saved Me

I didn't feel sad anymore

Christie's pov continued

What?! That's all I thought. 'What is happening?' I thought it was a sick joke at first. Lana Parrilla, the actual Lana Maria Parrilla sent me a letter. Her writing was on it. I just stared when I finished reading it. At least two minutes passed just staring and I felt a cold drop of water on my left cheek. I was crying. My mum hugged me and I burst into tears. I honestly thought it was just an extremely vivid dream. I was shaking and I felt cold, but I wasn't. It was just the biggest adrenaline rush I'd ever had. There was another letter for my parents. I gave it to them and as much as I wanted to read it, there were strict instructions from Lana not to. I rang all my friends and they said they could hardly understand me. I went up to my room and I felt extremely happy. I put my letter on my wall next to my Lana posters straight away. I took the charm out of he box and I held it so tight in my hand. I sat on the edge of my bed trying to process what had happened. It was all to much. Lana said I was special. Never in my whole life did I think she would be saying that to me.
....
As impossible as it was, I tried to carry on as normal that night. I put my pyjamas on, took my makeup off and brushed my teeth. It was 10pm by the time I had said goodnight to my parents. I put the charm in the box and put it on my side table. Satisfied with the day, I turned to my side and closed my eyes. Suddenly and very randomly I felt a wave of sadness wash over me. In the space of five minutes, I went from extremely happy, to extremely sad. I couldn't understand. I was so lucky to have Lana write back, and it was an experience some fans won't ever experience, so why was I feeling so shit? I sat up and grabbed the charm, and I knew from that moment the charm was going to be my comforter and it was. It still is. I couldn't believe how I was feeling. Yes, I had felt that feeling before, but this time was one hundred times worse because I didn't have a reason to feel that way. I needed to stop feeling that way because I felt incredibly selfish. I went over to my jewellery box and picked up my blade. I sat on the floor and I pulled my pyjama leg up and cut myself. I instantly felt at peace and I felt real again. Nothing could beat that feeling. I didn't feel sad anymore. I bandaged it and went to sleep.