Dream Catch Me (Student/Teacher)

Dream Catch Me - Chapter Twenty Four

As much as I wanted to - and trust me, I really did - I couldn't stay curled up in Joe's arms on the floor of Canterbury university's laboratory floor forever. I composed myself enough to stand up and step away from Joe, to make him feel a little more comfortable without me snotting on him. I was leaning against one of the benches in the lab and wiping my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt when the door that revealed my father earlier, did the same thing. My Father stood there. He was not how I remembered him from when I was younger; his brown hair now streaked with grey and the wrinkles by his eyes more prominent. Under the lab coat he was wearing a button up shirt and black slacks, but the one ornament that caught my attention was the chain around his neck holding his army dog tag. It was the same necklace that had sent me to the bathroom in tears just last week after I had forgotten about the important detail.

My Father stood there wringing his hands and stepping nervously from foot to foot, waiting for the perfect opportunity to finally speak after I had denied him that when I was shouting at him.

"Jane?" he croaked out nervously. "I- I ah. Can we talk? In private?" he asked. I had to weigh up the options pretty quickly. If I said yes it would bring more pain knowing the real answer he left and finally having to face the man who ultimately caused me so much grief, but then again if I said no, I would never get the right answers to the questions that have been swimming through my brain for years and effectively may cause me even more pain. It was a tough decision to make but having Joe behind me who was softly guiding my back towards my Father it seemed that Joe wanted me to take this opportunity.

"Go ahead Jane, I'll cover for you and wait until you've finished," he whispered in my ear and continued to gently push me forwards. I nodded in reply and took my own step towards my Father who was smiling slightly seeing my response. He stepped backwards out the door and held it open for me to follow through. When we entered what seemed to be his office he flipped a sign on the outside face of the door which I assumed said something like 'do not disturb' or something similar. I inched my way over to a couch which was facing another small couch separated by a side table with a few empty mugs on it.

My father sat down on the opposite couch and leaned over so his elbows were leaning on his knees. We both sat there in silence, each waiting for the other to talk. It didn't help that both of us were stubborn in nature, but it was my father who said the first words.

"Jane, I think you have to know what really happened and why I left, and I'm guessing it's not what you think." he said slowly in that familiar voice that used to read me bedtime stories and sing me nursery rhymes from a tender young age. I was still feeling cold towards this man in front of me, but I believe heavily in second chances, one of the reasons I let Alex back in to try and help me.

"Okay then, go ahead." he looked shocked that he hadn't had to reason more for me to hear his side, but he started nonetheless. "Well to put it simply, your mother cheated on me." he said bluntly. "It was when you were about six and I was doing an intense research project for a couple of months. Your mother insisted I spent too much time away from home, but when I did come home I spent too much time with you and not with her. I guess she got jealous and 'deprived' as she put it and slept with one of her work colleagues over the couple of months that I was busy."

He waited for me to say something but I was stunned, I had never heard of this before and it made me wonder if Alex was old enough to know what was going on. Dad continued, seeing I wasn't going to say anything. "Your mother was the one who got mad and defensive and forced me to move out, threatening me with a lawsuit and restraining order, and I didn't doubt she would either. Even though she was the one who cheated, she was always very good at twisting the truth in a way that benefitted her so I guess I had limited choices. And I left to save you and Alex, I didn't know what was going to happen but I didn't want to stick around to put you in danger."

It upset me the most knowing that he didn't even try to fight for us, or fight against Mother but just gave up. ""Why didn't you fight?" I asked, "Why did you just surrender to her? That was the worst thing that you could've done!" I busted through my nervousness and the burning curiosity took over. To be fair I had waited years to have this opportunity.

"I tried Jane! I didn't give up until a few years ago. I sent you letters and tried to phone you but I could never get through. You and Alex meant the world to me and I didn't want to lose you but I felt like I already had. So I just stopped," he admitted and looked down towards his fidgeting hands once again. I reached my hands up to my face to try hold it together to notice a stray year leaving my eye. "Dad.." I trailed off.

"Jane! You must know that I tried! I tried so damn hard I couldn't sleep and couldn't get on with life. You were and are all I think about! You're my daughter for Christ's sake!" he started to shout but his voice was breaking with the threat of oncoming tears. Dad leaned forward further over the small side table in front of us and immediately grabbed my hands tightly, rubbing a small circle with his thumb on the back of my hand. It was that small gesture that brought back memories of my father. He used to do this, rub his thumb over my hand, every time I was upset or hurt to calm me down. And I felt that effect now, even years later.

"Jane, my little Janey! Please, you have to forgive me! I will do everything in my power not to lose you again. I will fight for you this time around and I will place my life on that bet." Hearing how he was speaking from the bottom of his heart I had to reach down into mine and give him a response he was hoping for.

"Okay," I whispered. He broke out into a large smile that while it showed so much pain also showed so much happiness. He stood up abruptly and stepped around the table in a giant stride and engulfed me into his arms. I was suffocated at first, but calmed as I enabled the familiar smell of my father and revelled in the thought that he had returned to me. I cried. Again. The tears were falling steadily and dropping silently on his shoulder as my father slowly rocked us back and forth in the longest embrace known to man. "I'm scared to ask," he spoke gently "What?" I asked, confused.

"As much as I am scared to know, you have to tell me what happened when I left. What she did to you." he spoke softly but sternly, demanding an answer from me. I broke away from the embrace, trying to curl away from him but found it was unsuccessful seeing as I was stuck in a small office with his staring and caring eyes looking into me. "Jane," he urged.

I sighed softly and sat back down before I started to talk. "Basically, she blamed me when you left. I'm guessing from what you've told me it was because you spent too much time with me, and she resented me for it. When you left she started to tease me, call me names and conveniently forget a lot of things. Pot luck lunches at school, fees that needed to be paid and sometimes my own lunch and dinner. I had to learn to forage and scrounge to get by because she hated me. It got worse and worse as the years went on, and eventually she didn't hold back from hitting me." I stopped there to let that sink in and looked up to find a fresh batch of tears gathering in dad's eyes.

"I, oh god Jane." he started to cry, letting the tears fall freely. "I would never have left you with her if I knew that!" I didn't like to see him hurting, so I tried to console him. "It's okay, Alex is helping me out now." I reassured him. He looked up at the mention of Alex, curiosity taking over his features. "He never got abused if that's what you're thinking," I told him truthfully and saw a literal sigh of relief from him.

We sat there awkwardly for a moment before he spoke again, "Jane I'm never letting you go again. You need to leave that house right now. I don't care where you go but you have to leave. I'll even help you out. I have money and god knows I owe you the world so I have to help." I nodded and my heart filled with a feeling of warmth. It was different from how Joe made me feel but I welcomed it anyway.

"Well ah thanks," I said awkwardly. "But Dad, can we do this another time? I have to get back to school and can't miss any more classes." I admitted honestly. He nodded slowly thinking something over in his head. "ah sure, but let me give you my card," he walked around to his desk and picked up a small card that he handed over to me. "Dr. Reddington" it read and listed a few contact numbers beneath it. After saying a thanks I moved towards the door of his office.

"Please call me at any time you need to catch up with me or need me, and please make it soon." I nodded in reply and stepped out of his office and into the now empty laboratory. Joe was no where to be seen like he had promised, but I doubt that he actually left me here. Before I could go find him I turned around on my heel to face my Father. "I'll call soon then," I said and this time it was me who stepped forward and wrapped my arms around his torso. He slowly stroked my hair like he had always done and kissed the top of my head before I stepped out of the hug.

"I'll see you later," he muttered I'm disappointment, "Yes," I assured him and started to walk away. Who knew that it would be me who had to walk away from that? It always played out in my head that my Father wouldn't want anything to do with me, seeing as he left for a reason. I always imagined that it would be him who walked away again, not me. I walked to the bathrooms Joe and I had visited earlier and looked in the mirror. My hair was a bit mussed up and my eyes were red. I splashed some water on my face to relieve the redness from my tears.

As I stepped out of the bathroom, it was then that I realised the time. The watch on my wrist read 12.42, meaning the tour would've been way over by now, and here's hoping that Joe managed to stick around. I wandered back down to reception where I figured Joe would've waited, but was met with the same lady in the reception desk and no one else. I sat down in one of the chairs after greeting the woman and sat waiting patiently to see if Joe would come. Almost 20 minutes had passed before the woman stood out from behind her desk and came up to me. "Excuse me Miss, are you waiting for that handsome man who you were with earlier?" she asked me, noting how we had come to reception before. "Ah yes, that's him. Have you seen him?" she nodded her head slowly but looked like she was about to deliver some bad news.

"I did sweetie, but I saw him leave about 20 minutes after the large school group left." she spoke carefully, trying to let me down easy. My mouth shaped an O as I let the information sink in, Joe had left me. I muttered a thanks before I stood and walked briskly towards those large doors that had frightened me on arrival to the university.

When I ventured out into the bright sunlight I realised that the bus was gone and I had no way of getting back to school. I couldn't believe that Joe had left me here! He said he was there for me, he said he would stay. Yet he went anyway! What if everyone finally did that? Finally decided that they'd had enough of me and left? My brother? Father? Joe? What about Jaz? As I was standing out here wandering aimlessly in the sun, it all seemed inevitable. They'd all leave me in the end. But maybe that was better for me, I guess it was destined for me to be alone. Forever.

I started to just walk, I had no directions but tried to wander through the streets.I realised it was going to be a useless effort as I couldn't recognise any of my surroundings or street signs. Why did he have to leave me? He had grown up around this area and he would know where he was going, yet he left me here to fend for myself anyway. I started to boil with anger, as I felt the steam leave my ears in frustration.

And that's all it was, just a constant stream of frustration as I walked and walked, seeing the sunlight around me get lower till eventually the street lamps turned on. The darkness didn't help with my inability to recognise anything around me, but I guess something or someone was on my side as I saw a large sign along the road that pointed right for home. I followed that sign, walking through patches of darkness, but I wasn't afraid. I was too angry. It was pretty cliche for me to be angry at the world, as I was teenager. Isn't that how we're all supposed to be? Angry with no regrets? Unfortunately, I didn't have regrets. I regretted letting Joe back into my life just so he could hurt me again, and I regretted staying with my mother for this long. Something had to be done, and I couldn't stay in the backseat until I could finally find myself happy again, after all these years. To feel that happiness would mean I am safe, and content and I would do anything to feel that again.

I started out walking feeling angry, but turning these thoughts over in my head, over and over again I felt empowered and inspired. I have to step up and take control otherwise nothing is going to change. I can't expect things to happen if I'm not doing anything to help. My new found inspiration made my strides longer and more urgent to get home, I had an overwhelming urge to do something, but right now I found myself approaching streetlights and shop fronts of home. I stood under a street lamp and looked at my watch, I knew it was late by the sunlight that was long gone but I had no idea it had taken me 5 hours to walk the distance that took only 45 minutes in the bus. I shrugged it off, it didn't matter now that I was here.

I kept walking through town which was almost deserted, everyone had disappeared into their houses for the night, to avoid the winter frost. My feet didn't ache, but that wasn't surprising. I'm a runner, I can go for long distances without even breaking a sweat. I had missed a whole day of school today, which is going to be difficult to catch up with uncooperative teachers like Mr Lewis, but it had to be done at some point. Al's was calling out to me, 'Com on in!' it seemed to shout out, and lacking the resilience I walked right through the front door. I don't actually know if Al's ever closes, but it seemed every time I came at odd hours, it was open to accommodate for the insomniacs and business people and everyone in between.

Like other odd hours, there weren't many people in Al's and I found my spot vacant, so I rushed over to it casually and collapsed in the familiar couch and gave my feet some relief. A waitress came over to me, which wasn't Jaz this time, and asked if I wanted to order anything. My stomach grumbled during my decision and persuaded me to a toasted panini with a side salad. I brought out my cash and gave her enough to cover it and a tip. I shut my eyes for a second, just to revel in the quiet buzz of the cafe. A couple sat near the front window, sharing a milkshake privately after what I guess was a date, and a lonely man sat at the counter. The couple looked somewhat happy, and while I couldn't see their faces I could see the happiness radiating from the girl, yet not so much the man who seemed a little more hostile and impatient. I returned to myself as a plate was put don in front of me. I didn't wait for anyone to stop me from eating and dove right into the meal. If I could count correctly, that would've been two meals in one day?

The new, new Jane. I said to myself. The new Jane was just a version and this newer version would be ten times better. Friendlier, more outgoing and healthy. I had to stress healthy, not eating and running wasn't healthy and made me look horrendous. I wanted to be better. I made a deal with myself, 'if you can get out of home and be happy and healthy, you will never look back.'

I'm taking control of my life.

-

Step one of taking control of my life meant I eventually had to go home, so I found myself four walking in the dark again with the aid from the occasional street lamp. When I finally arrived home I skipped up to My room and flicked my shoes off, dumping my bag in the corner on a chair. I jumped backwards onto the bed and flung my arms out either side of me. New Jane will be happier, I started a list in my head. She will be lovable, caring and kind. New Jane will forgive and forget and New Jane will accept what had happened and move on. New Jane will move on.

It seemed pretty achievable, yet none of this was going to happen with one huge problem in my life. Mother. She was currently out as I heard the door slam on my way up the stairs, but I knew she would return at some point. I got out a piece of paper and a pen from my bag and sat cross legged on my creaky old bed.

'Operation Jane' I scribbled down at the top. I giggled slightly at my own joke, but I guess becoming a new person will be a huge mission.

'Step 1. Get out.' This step was the most important and I had to do it for any of the other steps to happen.

'Step 2. Do something or find someone that makes you happy.'

'Step 3. Get out of your troubles.'

And that was the end. Those three things were the most important to New Jane and hopefully by doing those three things, I could be what I want to be and do what I want to do. The last point was important, it would mean some intense arguing and convincing to get me out of troubles like Mr Lewis, but that's the thing. I wasn't ready to give up. I tacked the list to my wall just behind my bed head where it was hidden from someone who were to walk into the room, but visible to me.

A door slammed downstairs but the footsteps that ventured up the stairs weren't the angry stomping of my Mother, but the angry stomping of my brother. "Jane?!" he shouted out loud enough to make the windows rumble. "Yeah?" I called back. The door swung open and I saw Alex with a unrecognisable look on his face at first. But as it changed to relief, I realised he had been worried. "Where have you been?" he interrogated, stepping closer and sitting on the bed across from me. "I ran into some transport trouble when coming back from the uni. I had to walk basically. Took me 5 hours but I guess the exercise was good right?" I joked, trying to make the mood a little lighter. "Oh Jane, you're such a clutz." he finally breathed out and lay back on the bed. "I thought something had happened to you when I couldn't see you when I came to pick you up from school, I've been looking all over town for you! Even at the bookstore!"

A smile spread over my face. Somehow deep down I knew Alex wouldn't let me down. He was always protective when we were younger, and hated to let me down. "The bookstore!" I finally cried out, I had forgotten work. "Don't worry," Alex reassured me. "I asked where you were and the man in there said you were held up somewhere." Joe. Maybe he had to leave for June? I felt guilty now, I was seething with anger but didn't question other reasons why he may have had to leave. "Thanks," I muttered and lay down next to Alex, both of us looking up to the ceiling.

"Alex?" I spoke quietly. "Yeah?" he replied.

"I found Dad." I said it. Alex had as much right to know about him as I did, and it would be awful to have something like that kept from you. "Wait what?" he sat up and stared down at me. "I found him..." I told Alex the whole story about my trip to the university and the reasons behind why he left. It felt less painful getting it off my chest, but I knew Alex wouldn't sit around and do nothing once I had told him. Once I had finished he lay back down and said, "Wow."

"I know," I replied. There was a silence between us before Alex spoke. "Are you going to call him? I want to see him again. We should meet him together, he owes us that much." I nodded, Alex was right. Even though it was Mother's fault he left, Dad still owed us. I passed him the card Dad had given me and Alex said, "I'll set something up and let you know." he rolled off the bed and approached the door but he stopped before leaving.

"Do you trust me yet?" he asked, I shook my head no. "It's been one day Alex!" I argued. He nodded and stooped out of the room. "Maybe tomorrow then!" he shouted out, making me laugh. I guess Alex wasn't going anywhere, only the old Jane was going, making room for New Jane.
-

Sorry it took so long to update, skiing was amazing. Like just amazing. But anyway, the whole new Jane thing is because I was getting slightly fed up with some of the dull stuff, and wanted to change it a bit but didn't exactly know how. So let's see how this goes! I may end up going back and changing this but for now enjoy it as it stands!