Into the Heart of a Killer: Memoirs of an Assassin

Chapter Twenty-Five

I never did find evidence that Ceseth had poisoned me somehow. I never could pinpoint the blame on him. I never stopped suspecting he'd done it, of course, because I was absolutely certain that he had—but I had never found any concrete proof that he had been trying to end my pregnancy. But still, everything fell into place. Ebenezer wouldn't take me, so Ceseth would have been stuck with a pregnant woman for nine months. It was no secret that that was the last thing he would have wanted. What better way to get rid of the problem other than aborting it?

I still felt unclean from the whole event, even a year later. The year had gone by much faster than anticipated. I buried myself in my work, training harder and longer than I'd trained in all of my seventeen years of existence. And I found I hated much easier now. Ceseth remained the sole object of my utmost hatred, and I made that very clear, but he also made clear to me that he couldn't care less about whether or not I hated him. It was life: a vicious cycle of blood and hatred.

I found myself killing easier now, as well. After Sol, killing had never truly been hard for me. I found it easy—it was almost a good thing to me now. And whereas once that thought would have horrified me, now I was simply numb to it. I didn't mind killing. What was the big deal?

I became the monster Ceseth wanted me to be.

He beat me less, and gave me a bigger percentage of the money every time I did a good job.

I was acquiring quite the fortune. Perhaps it would even rival Ebenezer's.

I found myself thinking of Ebenezer and Amirah often. Somehow, they'd become wildly popular in noble circles. They were known as an exotic and thrilling couple to be around. It was said that their parties were the most extravagant of all, and no one ever missed one of them—if you were invited, that is. It seemed Ebenezer and Amirah were invited to every party, but only the crème de la crème were invited to their parties. It was an exclusive society that Ebenezer practically dictated now. I had heard that Amirah was little more than an accessory always hanging on his arm, but I had also heard that many men were gawking over Ebenezer's older wife. There were plenty of rumours on how he had gotten her, but I never looked much into those. I couldn't bring myself to.

Ceseth himself had been invited to a handful of those parties, having been hired by Ebenezer a few more times to do his dirty work. Unsurprisingly, Ebenezer had never once asked about me or requested I join Ceseth on one of the jobs. Amirah, on the other hand, had tried to contact me frequently. Much to Ceseth's dismay, Amirah had found his address and sent dozens of letters to me every month. Each one remained unopened, and each one was now nothing but embers. As time had gone on, Amirah had sent less and less letters to me. Now, she only sent me one letter a month. Even though that trend had been going on for months now, it seemed she would never stop sending me letters. This gradual decrease of letters was the best I would get.

But there was one letter that I hadn't been expecting.

It had been unmarked by the sender, but the flowing script had told me who it was. It hadn't been address to me alone. Ceseth's name appeared on the letter (once again as "Anais," and I wondered if Ceseth had formally adopted that nobleman persona) right next to mine (as "Liliana," but Amirah had always signed my letters as such). And it hadn't been a simple letter, either. It was an invitation. An invitation to one of their flawless and grandiose parties. I wanted to kill her for the audacity she had to invite me. Ceseth? I could care less. Ceseth could go wherever he wanted and whenever he wanted. But everyone knew where every invitation to Ebenezer Ashdown's parties went. The Ashdown parties were never scorned. I couldn't reject the invitation, not only because everyone would know about it, but because Ceseth was also on the invitation. If I had been formally invited, such as it was, even if I wouldn't have been publicly scorched for not attending, Ceseth would have made me attend anyway.