dissolve. nh

Chapter 19

The next morning didn’t come easy, everything from the night before flooding back to me. I shook my head, remembering last night’s activities and how Niall had saved me. It left such a warm feeling in my body that I couldn’t push the grin away that was forming on my face.  I looked over at him, passed out, on his back, snoring lightly with the sheets kicked off of his body. I had my head resting on his bicep while my back was pressed to his side, fighting off a tangle of covers as I tried to sit up. 

Without waking him, I climbed out of the bed and opened my drawer, grabbing a pair of skinny jeans and tugging them on. I threw my hair up into a ponytail, rubbing my eyes sleepily while walking to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. While it brewed, I trudged out the front door and down to the mailbox, pulling out various envelopes and magazines. When I turned, I saw something in the middle of the road, glints of sunlight bouncing off of it. I walked over to it, shaking my head once I realized what it was; a cell phone. Niall’s, to be specific. I picked it up, walking back into my house and being as quiet as I could. 

The coffee was done, so I dumped the mail on the table and grabbed a cup, pouring a cup and spooning sugar into it before I sat down, rifling through everything. I sighed when I saw the bills, tearing open one about the rent and feeling my heart drop into the pit of my stomach when it read that I was late. I had no clue how that was possible, considering I dropped the check off three weeks ago and it wasn’t due until a month after that. I laid that aside, opening and discarding all of the junk before I reached for my magazine and thumbed through it, deciding it was terrible and there was really no reason to read it. 

I picked up the rent notice again. 

Right at that moment, Niall walked out of the bedroom, running a hand through his hair and yawning. I watched him over the rim of my coffee cup, smiling as he struggled to find the mugs.

“They’re above the dishwasher ” I said, and he waved a hand over his shoulder before moving and grabbing one. He joined me at the table a few moments later, his brow furrowing.

“Have you seen my phone?” His voice was gruff with sleep, the words lazily coming off of his tongue and it felt like I’d plunged into a warm bath from all the feeling that I felt then. I held up the cracked and broken contraption in my hand, handing it to him.

“I found it this morning.”

“Hm, I must have dropped it last night.” We fell silent at those words, and I blushed furiously before trying to focus on the letter. 

“What did you mean by what you told me last night?” He asked, and I looked up to him, surprised at his cool expression as the green cup dangled from his fingers.

“What do you mean?” I asked quietly, setting down the paper.

“About Darren.” Just the mention of his name made me angry and frightened all at once. I stood up, taking my empty cup with me. “Bleu.” Niall warned, and I heard him stand, following me.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I said, putting the cup into the sink.

“You did last night.”

“That was last night.” I said, a hint of plead in my tone.

“So why not today? What’s wrong now? Are you scared to talk about it when you’re coherent and not crying your eyes out because of how scared you are-” 

I slammed the cup down in the sink, water spraying everywhere as I whipped around, closing my eyes as tight as I could. “Dammit, I said I didn’t want to talk about it!” I shouted, slumping against the counter and putting my face in my hands. My chest was tight and a familiar lump in my throat, but I refused to cry. It wasn’t worth it. He wasn’t worth it.