Without Him

Chapter 28

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Max hadn't been coming home at his usual hour these last few days and if he ever did - which was rare - he would lock himself in his office at stay there for hours. It was suspicious but I never bothered asking him, guessing it had to do with overloaded work at his office. I also didn't bother asking him about the insistent caller he had at Bliss's house. It must have been a rude client.

I was just finishing dinner for him. I sometimes prepared our dinner after Mia fell asleep since it was easier for us to eat, peacefully and relaxed. I settled his food on his plate and took it to the small office he had in an extra room at the end of the hallway. I softly knocked before opening the door.

"I have dinner for you," I announced as I walked to him and placed the plate on his desk.

Max hummed in response. He kept his gazed on the computer screen, not bothering to really acknowledge my gesture and his dinner.

"Do you want to join me or are you going to stay here?" I asked him, trying to get his attention. When he kept quiet, I spoke again, "Or would you rather come to the room with me? Maybe the dinning or even living room, if you want"

"Would you just shut up for a minute, Ella? Can't you see I'm busy right now?" His raised voice startled me. He had never spoken to me that way. Not since our fight after Braden's dinner, months ago.

I felt my eyes well up. I didn't want to cry but my hormones were all over the place and if I was honest, I was hurt by the way he had spoken to me. I didn't mean to upset him. I just wanted him to pay attention to me and communicate with me through words, instead of humming or moving his head. But, clearly, I wasn't worthy of it at the moment.

"I'm s-sorry," I murmured before leaving his side and heading to the door.

"Ella..." He spoke more softly this time but the hurt was done and there was no use for me to stay where I wasn't wanted.

"It's fine, really. I didn't mean to bother you" I tried to speak without my throat closing up but failed. I bit the inside of my cheek to suppress the tears.

I left his office and went to the kitchen. The plate with my dinner was waiting for me on the counter, but it no longer looked appetizing. I put the food away and headed to our room, even though it was too early for me to call it bed time. After the encounter with Max, my mood had dropped and I felt like being alone and just seek the comfort of the sheets.

Tonight, I didn't feel like sharing a bed with Max. Maybe it was my hormones. Maybe it was the way he talked to me. Maybe I was being dramatic. I don't know what it was but I just wanted to be alone. I did hope Max felt somewhat guilt over the way he spoke to me or something. Right now, he probably thought I was being clingy and needy and an over emotional mess. I did warn him to have patience with me but apparently he couldn't. As much as I didn't want to have this take over my mind, I couldn't help but question his real, real feelings for me. I get it that I might have been nosy but did he have to talk to me that way? No. It made me wonder if he could ever lose his temper. He never hadn't, nevertheless to say there is always that 'but' when unexpected things like this happen.

I entered the guest room and settled in, letting the comfort of the unfamiliar bed sink in. Max would probably not be happy but I needed this to clear my head and gain control over my over sensitive emotions. I relaxed into the comforter and minutes later felt myself drifting into sleep.

"What are you doing here?" Max almost whispered as he nudged my shoulder waking me up.

"Sleeping?" I replied, my voice groggy and raspy.

"This is not your bed," He stated as if I didn't know that.

"I know..."

"Then why are you here? This is the guest room and I'm pretty sure you're not a guest" He was still grumpy. I didn't know if the fact that he found me here instead of our room was upsetting him more.

"Because my company is not wanted tonight," I said, pulling the sheets back up to my chin.

He thought about my answer before getting what I was trying to say.

"Just because I yelled at you in the moment doesn't mean I don't want your company," He explained with a slight edge in his voice.

"Well, it doesn't look like it"

He sighed in frustration, his face illuminated by the light coming from the moon and outside, "Would you stop being difficult and just come to bed? I don't need you putting more stress on me, Ella May."

"I am in bed, Max. And you're the one making things difficult. If you want them to be easy then feel free to leave the room and go to the other one. No difficulties, no stress. Simple as that," I hissed.

"Fine! Keep being a smartass and do whatever the fuck you want then," He said, raising his voice. He left the room, closing the door loudly, leaving the room full of silence.

His distant attitude these last few days had gotten to me. I knew that if I asked him what was going on, he would dismiss it saying it's just work - whether it was true or not - just like I suspected. I didn't know why he had suddenly become an asshole. I knew being pregnant and a tad over-emotional wasn't a big excuse but could he at least try to not trigger me and my moods.

It made me wonder if it was something that really had to do with work or if it was his new way of pushing me away and getting me to leave. Were the good times of our relationship over? Or where we going through a rough patch?

I desperately wanted to know the answer to those questions but at the same time I didn't because if they were true then I didn't know if I'd be able to survive this time - with a new addition coming in the way. Max had been the opposite of this just before and during my doctor's appointment. I didn't know if he was feeling overwhelmed or what was happening nor was I sure I wanted to find out about that, also.

It had been a few months back since these types of insecurities crept my mind but I couldn't help it. Throughout the day, he was spending less and less time with me as if my presence, itself, was unbearable. Maybe, it's true, my presence wasn't the best but did this give him a reason to be this upset? We weren't haven't the best time and it scared me. Every relationship has its bad moments but was ours just having a bad moment or was it more than that?

I stopped myself from going further and tried to relax and go back to sleepy. I wasn't successful.