Run (Disasters in Love: Book 1) (Part 1 COMPLETE)

Chapter 8

Kat
January 1, 2005

*

Same day

*

"That's... not... I wasn't..." I try to explain, but now that the lust haze is gone, I am unable to rationalize my actions.

Was that what I was doing? I wanted to stop thinking about everything and I figured with what I heard about Ben, he wouldn't complain.

"Ugh... I'm such an idiot." I cover my face with my hands. I just want to get out of here. Laying next to him in my underwear after being rejected is so embarrassing. I need to leave.

He pulls my hands away from my face. His eyes meeting mine. "No, you aren't. You are just hurting."

Is that it?

When I caught him with that whore, I was almost relieved. Maybe I'm just not processing my emotions properly...

I should be devastated. I mean, I am really upset, but I feel more like I'm mourning the life I lost, not the person.

I think he wanted to get caught. He probably hoped I would join in or something.

What a creep. How could I give so much to him? I cannot let myself get wrapped up in another man like that again.

I need to be strong.
I need to be independent.
I need to make better choices.

I need to... not be here. Crap.

Ben makes me feel weak and vulnerable.

But also powerful and wanted.

Ugh... I am so confused.

I do know that hopping from one guy literally onto another is not a good choice.

I also know that nothing casual can happen with my best friend's boyfriend's best friend. That would be all kinds of complicated.

Hopefully I haven't made things too awkward. Oh god, what if they get married? I will have to see him all the time. I will be reminded of this night forever.

He smirks, tucking my hair behind my ear. "There she is, the wheels are turning again."

I can't help the laugh that bubbles up. I probably sound insane, but this night is all sorts of messed up.

His face lights up and his dimples emerge. Crap. His smile turns my insides to jelly.

"Come on, Katarina, give the poor little hamster a break. Tell me your thoughts." He gives me a reassuring smile. I'm not sure I like him using my full name, it makes my heart flutter.

"I think..." I need a light topic. I just want to ignore my problems. "I think this has been the weirdest night."

He nods in agreement. "Weird good or weird bad?"

"Hah... Both?" I wince, knowing he's going to prod for more and I don't want to go any deeper.

"I am going to have to agree with you." I was not expecting him to agree. "Although, I think yours had a bit more bad than mine." His hand caresses my cheek and I can't help but lean into his touch.

I am so weak.

"Hmm..." His touch is relaxing and I feel the day catching up with me. The emotions and tears taking their toll on my body.

"You falling asleep on me, Kitty Kat?" I can hear the smile in his voice, but I'm having trouble keeping my eyes open.

"I am not a cat." I say, as sternly as I can muster, but it comes out weak.