My Fear, My Silence

Chapter Thirty Three: Secret of mine

That is Ika Above 

We had to leave again. Daryl left on his bike without me, so I rode with Miss Carol and Lori. Carl won't look at me either. No one likes me. I caused so much trouble. I just wanted to help out.

"Mason." Miss Carol says softly. I look at her and she gives me a warm smile. "What you thinking so hard about sweetie?"

"Nothin'." I mumble.

"Now Mason, you think that could really work on us?" T-Dog chuckles as he drives.

"I'll tell you what I'm thinking about if you tell me." Lori says. "And so will T and Carol."

"Really?" I asked her.

"Yup. who is first?"

"I wanna be last." I tell them. Lori and Miss Carol chuckle and look at T.

"Great, all the women ganging up on me now? Is it cause I'm black?" T says, making everyone laugh.

"You're not black, you're brown." I tell him, and everyone laughs again.

"You're right Mase." Lori chuckles and ruffles my hair. "T you're first."

"Alright, Alright....I was thinking about a warm hot meal." T tells us. "Some hot mashed potatoes with My mom's fried chicken...so good."

"Stop it, you're making us hungry." Miss Carol chuckles.

"Woman knew how to make some bomb chicken.....Lori you're up." T says and glances at Lori.

"I was thinking about what the baby is." She says as she pets her tummy. It was getting big now.

"I thinks a girl." I tell her. She smiles.

"Oh yeah? How come?" Lori chuckles.

"Cause someone has to boss Carl around." I tell them and we all laugh, like nothing was wrong.

"What about you kiddo? You can't boss him around?" T asks. I shake my head.

"No, he is a big kid and I'm little." I tell them and it gets quiet. "Miss Carol, your turn."

"I was thinking about when Sophia would get sad, and what I would do to make her happy." Miss Carol says as she strokes my hair.

"What would you do?" I ask her.

"I would stroke her hair and hold her tight. So she knew she wasn't alone." Miss Carol tells us. Lori smiles.

"I would stroke Carl's hair, and tell him jokes to make him happy." Lori says.

"I don't have kids so." T says making as all laugh again. "Alright, Mason it's your turn."

I tug on my fingers and bite my lip. I wasn't sure If I should tell them.

"I think My birthday past." I tell them. "I would celebrate when there was snow. I think I am six years old now."

"Look at you! Getting bigger and Bigger." Miss Carol grins and puts me on her lap. 

"We outta celebrate!" T said but I shook my head.

"No! No! We can't! We can't!" I say with Panic.

"Why not sweetie?" Miss Carol asks. She moved the hair out of my face and the tears started to fall.

"Cause Big kids don't celebrate their birthdays. And little kids celebrate it with their families and Daddies." I say softly. Miss Carol holds me tight and rocks me back and forth.

"Your Daddy still loves you, Mason." She coos.

"No, he hates me. He left without me again." I cry. "He is made at me but it wasn't my fault!"

"I know sweetie, he just upset he hurt you." Miss Carol said as she rubs my back.

"What she talking about?" T dog asks.

"Carl and her made a bet to see who could kill the most walkers on a perimeter check. She won and Carl stomped away. When she got grabbed Mason called out for Carl, but he didn't hear her." Miss Carol tells them.

"Don't tell Rick! He will get mad at Carl and Carl needs his daddy!" I shout. Miss Carol shushes me and strokes my hair.

"We won't sweetie, but we should tell Daryl." Lori said. 

"No, he doesn't love me anymore! No one loves me anymore!" I sob. Lori goes into my bag and hands me Ika. I grab Ika and hug her tight. Then the car horn goes off from the other cars, so we all stop. Rick comes over to the window.

"Need a run for gas. Maggie and Glenn said they would go. Could use two more." He tells us.

"Me and T can go." Miss Carol says. Rick nods then glances at me. His face falls, then quickly leaves. I crawl out of Miss Carol's lap so she can go and cuddle in the trunk. It was a small place for me. I heard all the doors slam, and I know I'm alone. I hold Ika in front of me.

"Just us again." I sigh. "Sarah is sleeping so it just you and me."

Ika nods and we start to talk to each other.

"I'm sorry Daryl is mad at you." She says to me.

"I wanna make him happy again. I feel bad." I tell her.

"What can you do?"

"......I could maybe go hunting and find something for him!" I say loudly. Ika nods. I put everything into the back pack, including one of T-Dog's guns. I get out of the car and head into the woods.

I was gonna bring something for Daryl so he isn't mad anymore.

Just to be clear, Ika speak was a figment of her imagination. Like an Imaginary friend.

Thanks so much for the votes and Reads. It makes my shitty life a better knwing people enjoy what I write. 

~Charlie