Bruised Knuckles

12. the hard truth

It's true, I wasn't the only one.

In his house, he quietly led me up to his room, explaining that his dad and step mom were sleeping, along with his two year old half brother named Jackson. I tried to be as quiet as possible, taking in the surroundings of his house. It smelled like cigarettes but I couldn't complain because my house smelled worse.

I stepped inside his bedroom after him, finding a picture frame of a girl around our age. "Who is this?" I asked, pointing to the small picture frame on his dresser. He looked behind his shoulder at me, squinting his eyes as if he was confused by my by question. "That's Aubrey, my girlfriend."

My heart sunk at his reply, feeling the entire contents of my chest break and fall into the very pit of my stomach. Girlfriend? He definitely seemed somewhat interested in me, unless I was reading him totally wrong. In fact, I probably was reading him totally wrong because I was slightly infatuated by his existence.

"Do you do the long distance thing now?" I said after gulping, trying to hide the shattering feeling in the back of my throat. Axel snickered and fully turned to face me, sitting on the edge of his bed. "Dude, Riverside is only twenty minutes away—if that."

He was right, Riverside wasn't far enough to do a long distance relationship. They could literally see eachother whenever they wanted to which sort of made me feel uneasy. Why? I don't know.

"Oh, right," I nervously chuckled, "so I guess we should start studying now." I scratched the back of my neck and looked around his room with darting eyes, letting them land on him. He was slumped and sitting on his bed still, staring at me with a blank expression. "Don't you want to change?" He said with confusion, making it sound like less of a question. I looked down at my clothes and realized they were still soaking wet from the rain.

"Yeah, actually. That would be nice," I blurted out, melting into his demands. He pointed to where I was standing, "Grab some of my clothes in there and change in the bathroom across the hall."

I turned around and saw his dresser, frantically pulling open a drawer without thinking, hoping it wasn't underwear or something. I grabbed a T-shirt and sweatpants, trying not to look at the picture of Aubrey while I awkwardly started to make my way across the hall.

Inside the bathroom, I shut the door and immediately let out a pent up sigh. I rubbed my temples for a few seconds and stared at the clothes in my hands. I bet Aubrey wore these same clothes before. After thinking about that, I reluctantly changed and balled up my wet clothes to take back into his room.

"That was fast," Axel said as he fidgeted with a Rubik's cube. He put it down as soon as I entered the room, but I wondered if he could make all the sides different colors like some of those genius people can. I nervously smiled and sat down on the bed next to him, feeling a little awkward—like I was pushing some non existent boundary.

"Are you alright this morning? You seem a little nervous... or tense. I can't tell." Axel looked directly into my eyes and I thought I could feel myself shriveling up into a tiny little crumb that he would later toss onto the floor. I opened my mouth to speak and only a few words flowed out, "I'm okay."

He raised his eyebrow and grabbed his notebook for physics, flipping through a few pages until he reached a section that was chalk full of writing. "We'll start here," he explained as his finger trailed along the penciled numbers. "This formula has been coming up a lot with the problems on the board," he said to me as I looked at him, trying my best to follow the words leaving his red lips that were slightly glossed from his tongue.

"Hey, listen, I don't know if I can do this right now," I sighed with honesty. I wasn't lying, and I felt like all of my attention was being drained by a magnet from Axel's body. Being in his clothes didn't make it any better, especially when Aubrey was staring at me through a picture frame on his dresser.

"That's fine, I can tell you're a bit antsy," Axel said as he closed the notebook and kept his right hand on the front cover. I watched this hand as he made the movements, biting back my lip as more nervous energy entered my veins.

"I'm sorry, there's just some stuff going on with me, I—damn it—I'm sorry," I said while sounding like I just turned down an offer to be a prince or something. I gathered my wet clothing and stood up from his bed, walking towards the door. As I reached for the handle, I noticed the sweatpants I was wearing weren't mine. "Oh, do you want these back?" I said with my cheeks slightly tinted in what felt like embarrassment. I felt stupid for not asking earlier.

"Just keep them, you don't need to bring them back," Axel said while waving his hand forward towards the door in a non chalant manner. I shrugged and sent him a little smile, twisting the doorknob fully so I could step outside. I closed the door just enough without fully clasping it.

Going down the stairs, I heard footsteps behind me in their hallway. I turned around to look at who was approaching me, recognizing Axel. He stood at the top of the stairs, looking down at me like the somewhat superior being he was.

"Did I make you uncomfortable?" Axel cocked his head while he spoke, rubbing the back of his neck with his fingers. I didn't know what to say to him. I could tell him the truth, or I could lie. I felt my heartbeat travel into my neck and eardrums. I tried not to look at his perfect features, replying with my answer. "No, I'm just kind of, well, gay. And I might have a crush on you."

Shit.

In that moment, everything I promised myself about hiding in the closet to people other than family tumbled out onto the carpet. Sure, I wanted to let Axel know I was gay and I found him attractive, but I sure as hell didn't want it happening now. I barely knew him.

Axel cocked his head some more and kept his hand flat against his neck. "You are?" He asked with his eyes squeezed so tight together they looked closed, like he was getting a better look at me. "I would have never guessed. If it makes any difference, I'm probably gay too."

I stepped down another level on his staircase, walking backwards as I kept my eyes focused on him and only him. "Probably?" I slowly asked.

This made no sense to me, how would you not be able to tell your sexual identity? I mean, I knew mine since the second grade but maybe it's harder for other people.

Axel nodded again and his lips twitched before parting them to speak quiet words, "Ever since I saw you."

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How do you guys feel about having an update Tuesday/Wednesday some time? I know you all really wanted to see this chapter after the previous one! Let me know in the comments!