Something I'm Not 2- History (Sequel)

Chapter 15

(Harry POV) 

I felt pathetic begging from her like this but I was running out of ideas. A small flash of relief surges when a small nod comes from her and she looks down. "Alright. Alright."

I touch her face and try to faintly smile. "Alright?" I answer softly and run my thumb across her cheek. She nods again and I pull her in my chest.  I held her for a long minute and attempted to return to my calm state but lately my circuits have been fried. I can't control any emotion anymore. I wasn't steady anymore and it shows. There is no calm state to be found between the two of us. I could feel her slipping away. She didn't have that spark in her eye like she used to. Even the day I brought her to my house, she had the little fiery glimmer to her eyes that caught my attention. But it was gone. The fire was gone. 

The long moment we stood here wasn't awkward, she seemed either content or just patient with me being here. I buried my face in her hair hoping to rid the worry, the fear, the anxiety... but it just didn't happen. The more I lose her the more my own self slips. If I just say the damn words... the simple three little words. I love you... Caroline. I repeat it in my head several times hoping if I thought it hard enough she'd hear me but that wasn't possible. Ive written several songs that sing it clear as day but its not good enough for her. I understand partially. She tells me she loves me and it bothers her that I can't say it back. But the side I don't understand is that I've shown her I've loved her. I'd go through hell and back for her. But Trevor tells her he loves her and then leaves these horrid bruises on her face. Actions speak louder than words was what I was taught. But Trevor is consistent. That's the stupidest shit I've ever heard. And she won't leave him! 

I may not be able to be here every day for her but if she called and said she needed me, fuck Rick and work, I'd jump on the next plane back without a doubt. I clench my eyes shut and pull her a little tighter. A small thought crosses my mind. 

"What if we went on a vacation?" I ask her, popping my head up to look at her. "But we're both busy." she says and I frown. "We could both use some time off. Just no thinking about it, just going where ever you want." I tell her and she exhales. "If I say okay, can I go to bed?" she asks and my heart sinks a little further. I let my hand drop from her, looking at her dumbfounded. 

"Yes." I say and she shrugs. "Then okay." she says and crawls in the other end of the bed on her side. I just stare at her for a minute and end up crawling in the bed with her. Even though I knew she was pissed at me, I hug her from behind anyways, pulling her back into my front. She didn't move but I kissed her jawline since it was closest to me. "You know I'd do anything to have you back, you just have to tell me what to do." I whisper. 

"Tell me you love me then." she speaks bluntly and doesn't move. I swallow. I walked right into that one. "I have, just not in the way you want it." I tell her and she exhales again. Her next moves got me worried when she sat up slowly but instead of leaving she turned and pushed me on my back, straddling me. "You told me to tell you what to do. Just tell me you love me, Harry." she speaks very softly and smooth to the point it just about made me forget what she wanted me to say. 

"I do, Caroline. A thousand times, I do." I say shaking my head and she runs her thumb over my bottom lip. "Then say it. That'll be the only way I'll take you back, Harry. I'm not dealing with half of a relationship with you. You're all in or not." 

"I'm in.... I-" I stutter and choke on the words and she bends down and presses her lips to mine just soft enough to tease the piss out of me. "C'mon Harry." she encourages and kisses me again, it was just enough of a distraction for me not to process the words so much. "I'm in l-"

A knock on the door snapped my train of thought and the fear came back in and I just stared up at her. She looked away and slid off me to get up. I almost said it.... does that not count?