In Your Eyes // Steve Rogers

43

Three days later, I was the one to transport us from Avengers HQ to London, where the funeral was being held. The weather was as it always was in London: dreary. It matched the general mood of the church. It was a gorgeous church, stained glass windows, massive, decorated with kind white flowers lining the chairs.

Peggy touched numerous people within her lifetime. Each of those people, in some way or another, were with us on that day. Every seat in the church was filled. Steve, because of his known relation to Peggy, scored Sam and I seats in one of the front rows with him. He hadn't actually sat with us, not at first. He had been asked to carry the casket down the isle.

From the time we walked through the doors and until we left, his grip on my hand was great. His chin trembled once he saw the framed photo of Peggy. He tried to hold back his tears. Why, I know not. But, I did believe it was useless, so, I excused us from Sam and tugged him into the back corner of the church. I made him sit. I knelt in front of him, holding his hands in my own.

"Why are you sad, Steve?" I inquired.

His swollen eyes met mine. "What?"

"You heard me. C'mon, why are you sad?"

"I... I lost the one person I had left," he whispered.

"Why are we here today?" I asked.

"To remember her."

"To honor her," I added. "All of these people here are together today to reminisce about her, to remember her, honor her, to love her for who she was and the impact she had on each of us. All of these people are saddened. You're not alone."

Steve humorlessly smiled. "It sure feels that way."

"Physically, maybe, but Steve, I promise you that no matter how alienated you feel in this world, you are never alone. You never will be. She, a piece of your home, will always be right here," I whispered. My hand fell over his heart.

"Uh, excuse me," interrupted a young man. "Mr. Rogers, it's time to start."

"Right," muttered Steve, rubbing his eyes roughly.

I wiped his tear stained cheeks lightly with the pads of my thumbs. "You know where I'll be," I assured him. I kissed his chin. He left. I returned to my seat.

"Smiles," said Sam. "I know you met her once. Are you all right?"

The choir of children began to serenade the church with their angelic voices. Those who were able to stand did, all turned to watch Peggy's casket make its way to the front. I stared at Steve. He chose a point at the center, stared at it, not daring to take his eyes from it. If he had, he would have broke.

"My pain is nothing compared to his," I said quietly.

"Maybe. But that doesn't mean it should be dismissed," said Sam. I looked up at him. He offered a smile. I leaned into his chest, giving a deep sigh. "You don't have to be strong for him. You're allowed to break, too. I think I can be strong for you two. I don't know. Seeing Mom and Dad cry might make me slip out some tears."

I chuckled, which was enough for Sam to settle on his counseling for the time being. Our hushed conversation ended just before the choir ended their set. Peggy's casket reached the front of the church. Steve returned to us. Immediately, he set his hand in my lap. I enclosed his hand in both of mine. He dropped his chin to his chest.

In his ear, as the pastor spoke general words about her release to Heaven, I whispered, "It's okay to feel like this, my love. It's okay to feel broken."

I suppose my words went in one ear and out of the other. He was annoyed, not with me, but the pastor. His words meant little to nothing. He hadn't known Peggy. He didn't know of what she did for the people in that church, or what she was going to do for them, even after she was gone. Steve tuned it out. I tuned it out by focusing on my own words in his ear.

At last, his shaking leg stopped when the pastor invited a woman named Sharon Carter to say a few words in front of the church. A personalized message from someone related to Peggy calmed his irritation. Despite so, he didn't look up at the woman. Neither did I, until Sam nudged me. I nudged Steve. Together, we stared at Sharon Carter, sharing a minor shock. We had only known of her as Agent 13 until then.

"Margaret Carter was known to most as a founder of S.H.I.E.L.D, but I only knew her as Aunt Peggy. She had a photograph in her office; Aunt Peggy standing next to JFK. As a kid, that was pretty cool, but it was a lot to live up to, which is why I never told anyone we were related," she admitted. Casually, she met Steve's eyes. "I asked her once how she managed to manage diplomacy and espionage in a time where no one wanted to see a woman succeed at either. And she said, 'compromise where you can. But where you can't, don't. Even if everyone is telling you that something wrong is something right, even if the whole world is telling you to move, it is your duty to plant yourself like a tree, look them in the eye, and say, 'No. You move.'"

Closing words from the pastor brought back the annoyance in Steve. His foot tapped anxiously the entire speech. He wanted out of there, or, at least, time alone with Peggy's casket. As soon as the ceremony ended, he stood. "I'm going to stay. I'll catch up," he said blandly. Without another word, he walked to the casket and lingered by it. He planned to wait for everyone to clear out.

Sam and I weren't planning on leaving him alone. We kept our distance, sitting on the steps of the church, but close enough in case Steve changed his mind about wanting to be alone. In London, as always, it drizzled on and off. I had three different portals opened around Sam and I. One covered our heads from the rain, the other blocked the wind, and the final one thrust heat waves from the Sahara to keep us warm.

Randomly, quite unexpectedly, Natasha appeared, peaking her head around the portals blocking Sam and I in. "Subtle much?" she asked.

"We didn't want to leave him alone," said Sam.

"He's in there, then," said Natasha.

I nodded. "What brings you here?"

"Same reason you stuck around," she admitted. Sam and I both raised our eyebrows. It wasn't often Natasha openly showed her emotions. She covered it well. "And I figured I'd come to pay my respects."

"Anyone else sign?" I asked.

"Tony, Rhodey, Vision."

"Not exactly a surprise," said Sam.

Natasha stepped around the portals to sneak into the church doors. "I'm leaving for Vienna after this. There's plenty of room on the jet for you two," she teased.

"Hard pass," said Sam.

"Someone should represent the resistance. I'll be there," I told her.

"I look forward to hearing your case," said Natasha before she slid through the doors.

For a long while, Sam stared over our shoulders at the door, deep in thought. I waited for him to come to a conclusion. "I don't know how he keeps going," he said finally.

"He's exhausted. You can see it in his eyes, in his body language..." I agreed. I met his eyes. "Sam, we have to find him."

"If we let anyone else apprehend him first, Steve's going to lose him to the government. There's no way they'll appeal a death sentence on him," predicted Sam.

"I don't know how we're going to find him or how we're going to help him, but we have to try. We owe that to Steve. I won't let him lose his last tie to happiness," I said.

"What about you?" asked Sam.

I stayed quiet. Sam didn't ask again. We both knew. Barnes meant the world to Steve. He would go to the ends of the Earth if it meant Barnes would utter a simple, "Hello." What he would do for him had no limit, no boundary. If leaving me behind meant being with Bucky again, Steve would do it. No matter how much that pained me, I knew it. He knew it. Admitting it was the difficult part.