Graveyard Watchman (Book 1)

Chapter 5

I shoot Skylar a quick text, telling him I'm sorry for basically bailing on him but I don't give him a reason. I can't have him thinking I'm more sorry than I am but I also hate myself for having to be so distant. I'm not a mean person and Skylar's a good friend, but he overanalyzes damn near everything I say or do. After a while, it gets annoying and makes me want to back off from him completely. I'm a loner. I always have been--even before my entire family died on me.

Suddenly my thoughts go straight to the cemetery, or maybe the man in it. He's becoming the first thing on my mind in the mornings, whether I've slept or not. It'll be hours before I can go back but this time, I'm more anxious than ever to see him. The mysterious man who wears a black coat and who's also starting to have my full attention. Maybe I should introduce myself? If he'll talk to me, that is. He doesn't give me a warm or fuzzy vibe because he's intimidating as hell but something is making me want to try. I can't explain it, I just want to know him.

Closing my eyes I envision him, trying to think back to the first time he caught my attention. I'm pretty sure it was five months ago, when Zack died and I was the only person left standing after his graveside service. I stood there, frozen in grief, staring at the fresh mound of dirt for hours, wiping away tears with what was left of my dissolving tissue. I noticed his black coat first as he stood like stone only a hundred feet away doing the same thing I was doing, only he wasn't looking at a mound, he was looking down with his hands crossed in the front as if praying--or maybe remembering. I'm actually surprised I even noticed him because he didn't move or even flinch as I cried for my brother.

I was already deep in a downward spiral of depression as thoughts of taking my own life were starting to flood my mind. It seemed impossible to be in this world completely alone, even being a loner and even if I still had someone in my life who sincerely loved me.

Aunt Kelly.

But even she didn't know how dark my world had become. Ways of how I could end my life without making a mess and not be in pain devoured my thoughts. I wanted the excruciating suffering to end and when Aunt Kelly realized I was in trouble, she stepped in and made my first appointment to see a shrink. That's when I knew I had to stop the horrific thoughts on my own or face months, even years of therapy in a psych-ward until I got my shit together. Just thinking about it pricks at my gut. But it wasn't the shrink who fixed me. I'm the one who pulled myself out of that black hole and I'm the one who begged my brother (even though he was dead) to help me. I figured out right then that I would have to secretly suffer through the loss of my entire family on my own. I would practically have to become a different person. So on the surface, I did (and still do) my best to seem healed and fine, but underneath the artificial bullshit, I hope like hell the volcano of grief swirling around in my mind doesn't erupt.

But, I can't worry about that right now. Thankfully, my thoughts have shifted to someone I know nothing about. Someone who makes me nervous. Someone who has more of my attention than even Zack.

And I'm guilty all over again...