Intent [Wattys 2017]

Chapter 25

Emma

Be normal, act like you're fine and soon you will be.

Be normal, act like you're fine and soon you will be.

This has been running through my mind, the only thing running through my head on a steady loop since the last time I saw Harry. For the past few days I have been constantly trying to put up this facade, trying to be ok after what happened.

You can do this Emma, just get through the next hour, the next minute and you'll be fine. Just be normal, act like you're fine and soon you will be.

But I'm not.

No matter how many times I say the words I'm not. I am so far from being fine that I barely remember to breathe. I just catch myself holding my breath, my face surely turning blue before I remember to inhale again. I feel like a rundown machine waiting for a tune up but never getting one.

Honestly. I can't eat or sleep. I just feel sick every second of everyday.

I've really pushed him away for good this time. There's no going back. He was so angry, so disappointed in me. My weakness, my inability to let him in.

I haven't slept since the other day, sometimes I find myself nodding off while trying to get work done but I'm jolted away by the feeling like I'm falling. The dark circles prominent under my eyes look like death is about to take over and no amount of cover up will tame it. I don't know what to do, how to make myself feel better. Well I do know, I just– I just can't admit it yet. I know alcohol or some random guy won't help me no matter how favorable the results have been in the past. The solution is becoming increasingly evident and the daunting feeling that it comes with has been increasing with each passing day.

There is no more denying the fact that I want him to comfort me, hold me and accept my apology. I can't continue like this and I hope beyond hope that he can't either.

I'm utterly terrified but...

Harry's the only one who can help me.

Finally realizing this I would have hoped that this incredible weight would have been lifted from my conscience but it's still there. I'm exhausted and I barely have the strength to get myself to his apartment, but I know I have to. Sitting up slowly from my bed, letting my hair flop over my face I start to mentally prepare for what I'm about to do. At this moment I don't care what i look like. Getting all dolled up won't do any good when it comes to Harry, I just need to apologize and hope it's enough.

A knock on the door stops me in my tracks. I am completely paralyzed at the high probability that it's him.

Please let it be him, please.

"Come in." the words coming out as a small squeak as I wait in anticipation.

"Hey Emma." I'm met by a very smiley Louis at my door. Strange, I've only met him a handful of time if that and now he's showing up at my room?

"Well this a nice place you got here." He remarks stepping into the room and closing the door behind him.

"Louis? Is he ok?" I sink down onto my bed dreading his answer. At this point that's the only option right? That something's happened to him. Why else would his best mate be here if not for that?

Louis must see the fear cross my face as he takes quick strides to sit beside me and grasp my hands.

"Oh no no love. Shit, I'm sorry. Harry's fine. Jesus, you look terrified."

"Fuck Louis, you scared the shit out of me, I can barely function as it is" answering him rubbing my eyes and pushing some hair away from my face.

"I am sorry Emma, truly. I just think there's something you need to know."

"And what is that? He hates me? Doesn't want to ever see me again? Just say it."

"You are kidding right Emma? It's been torture the past few days, him just talking and talking about you. Fuck I thought I had heard my fill when we were young lads but–"

"What are you trying to say Louis?" He looks at he as though I should know what he's thinking but I honestly have no idea. Harry talks about me? After a few moments of silence he finally gives in.

"You know he's waiting for you." He says bluntly but he has to be joking.

"Excuse me?"

"Harry. I know I don't know you all that well but you should know. He's waiting."

"For me to do what?" I can barely believe his words but somewhere deep down, I do.

"Uh I don't know, for you to show up at his place and fall into his arms and just be his" he starts sarcastically before continuing. "I've never seen him like this so calm and certain about anything. It's you, you know that right."

"I can't believe that, I ruined everything" shaking my head viciously at him.

"Not what he told me."

"Is this some joke Louis? Did her send you over here so when I show up at his door he can just turn me away like I did to him?" I saw frantically trying desperately to attempt to justify it all although the certainty that his words are true is creeping up on me from deep inside. It's a weird war brewing inside and it's pulling me apart in a whirlwind of emotions.

"Not a joke love, swear it. In fact I'm sure he'd try to beat me up at the thought of me even talking to you about this. So when you go over, and we both know you will, don't mention it to him" standing from his seat next to me, looking down.

"Why are you so sure that I'll just give in" trying to sound confident and not broken but failing miserably.

"Because I've never seen two people so in tune with one another like the two of you where at the club and because I see how torn apart you are without him. How long has it been?"

"How long has it been since what?" I ask rubbing my droopy eyes yet again.

"Since you've slept. From the looks of those dark circles under your eyes, a few days at least." I can't say anything, he's entirely right. "Just go to him. Let go of whatever is keeping you from being happy, it can't be worth it. I promise he's waiting for you."

And with those final words of encouragement and a pat on the back he walks out leaving me with so many emotions but one trumps them all.

There's hope. 

___

A/N: Hope you enjoy this little snippet from Emma's POV. 

VOTE AND COMMENT PLEASE. 

All the love, C.